Monday, December 28, 2009

The Saga of Lou Jing Continues...

The Chinese culture is massively ignorant to say the least. It's easy to generalize a culture that shuts out others and knows little about the outside world. Lou Jing seems to get so much flack for being half Chinese - but if the people of China would crane their necks just a few degrees, they would see that the mixed culture is growing largely around the world...




(Via Bossip.com...)

Born and raised in Shanghai by her Chinese single mother, Lou Jing, a half African-American half Chinese aspiring singer, experienced very little discrimination during childhood. However after she appeared on the Chinese reality television show called “Let’s Go! Oriental Angels,” Lou Jing gained national fame and notoriety — largely for her skin color.
“After the contest started, I often got more attention than the other girls. It made me feel strange,” Lou said.
The reality show hosts fondly called her “chocolate girl” and “black pearl.” The Chinese media fixated on her skin color. Netizens flooded Web sites with comments saying she “never should have been born” and telling her to “get out of China.”
“We lived in a small circle before,” said her mother. “But after Lou was seen nationwide, some Chinese people couldn’t accept her.”
Even well meaning friends and family members revealed widespread ignorance about Lou Jing’s racial difference:
“Sometimes people on the street would ask me, ‘Why do you speak Chinese so well?’ I’d just say, ‘Because I’m Chinese!’” Lou said.
“She used to wonder why she had black skin,” said one classmate. “We thought about this question together and decided to tell her it’s because she likes dark chocolate. So her skin turned darker gradually.”
Another classmate weighed in, “We said it’s because she used to drink too much soy sauce.”
Even Lou Jing’s maternal grandmother admitted in a taped interview, “I told Lou Jing she was black because her mom was not very well and had to take Chinese medicine.”
Here are some of the actual comments posted on websites about Lou Jing and her mother:
“Shanghai people’s value plunges. A bastard, brought her out to show off because of the foreigner descent.”
“Is this the legend of the bastard? And an unwanted bastard, Her mother is a shameless woman, pregnant by a black guy, and then abandoned, was it good when he was pleasing you? Still obsessed with him after several decades? Not feel ashamed, even go on TV to look, looking for what? Looking for lost big XX? Looking for climax never had again? Shameless! Why are Shanghai women always the target of criticism? It’s because of shameless bitch like her! Dragon TV please help this bastard find her family. Let the black father with a big XX hurry back, address this old woman’s needs! Black Dad, come back soon! Someone cannot forget your big XX.”
“This woman has no sense of shame, married and you cheat, give birth to a black kid so there is no way to hide, if wasn’t for that her husband will have to raise their children. Cheap is the word, in order to run with a foreigner, even do with black people.”

Aside from being half-bred, Lou Jing is human! These people consider themselves to be good people because they are of one race, yet they treat her like an animal. How can you call yourself a human being and ridicule someone of your same species, someone who shares your culture with you?? Lou Jing is Chinese. She lives in China, speaks the language and the dialects - she is her culture. Her skintone cannot change what she knows, what she was raised in. There are full - on, tenth-generation Chinese children and teenagers who do not know their own heritage. They have been engulfed in the American/Western lifestyles and have forgotten to absorb the history that took so long to be built. You mean to tell me you would appreciate them more because of their appearance, than a young woman who rides for her country? It's not like she's a Black-American or non-Chinese who has come into the country and tried to assimilate. She was born from a Chinese mother, raised on the same Chinese foods, given the same Chinese education. What makes her deserve this kind of abuse? The people of China need to wake up and embrace the new generations that are to come. I never hear ridicule about the Chinese-Caucasian children that are born every day. It's like as soon as Black gets thrown into the pot - people back away from the dish. It's rediculous! We are the backbone of almost every culture. We have built civilizations for others and still managed to create our own -yet we often lack the recognition we deserve. And the reason why is simple;

People fear what they don't understand. 

They can't fathom how a race can be abused for hundreds of years; raped, pillaged, stolen from - and still persevere and succeed. People can't get how a child can be raised by one parent, in the poorest of conditions, and still get a valuable education and become a major figure in the world. They will never be able to emulate the strength of the Black race. And that, my friends - is where this resentment comes from. The ignorance of the Chinese people can be repaired if they would only take the time to get to know their mixed-cultured counterparts. Honestly, Lou Jing's mother is at the forefront of that. She obviously had the bravery to even approach a black man. I big her up for that alone.

Another thing - what about her talent? Obviously the superficiality of media translates in all cultures. She can be eliminated and a less-talented contestant be chosen, simply because of her pigmentation. China's got a long way to go. Looong way.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

||Things Fall Apart...||

Sometimes you can't fight what nature has intended for you...

At times, when I go without sleep for too long - my body breaks down. It doesn't happen much often nowadays, especially since I've been back in the gym lately. When it does - it's bad. It's usually a sign that I need to slow down and cool out. The challenge is to figure out what is causing me stress, and then find a way to fix it.

It started this afternoon at work, and I found myself bucking (falling asleep and rapidly waking up) while I was checking out customers. They, of course, don't notice - because I'm still moving and functioning (just not talking). I started feeling real sluggish and lethargic, and even the energy drink I wolfed down was only a temporary fix.

Michael and I literally just left the movie Avatar - and the 3D effects had my eyes on a rampage.  I left the movie feeling shaky at best, but well enough to drive myself home. On the way, though - everything came crashing down.

You know music is my lifeline - and sometimes my Zune seems entwined in my circuitry; like it knows what I'm thinking and feeling. Alicia Keys - "Samsonite Man" started playing on my way home, and as I sang along - my body decided it deserved a good cry. I felt the tears coming, and as the songs changed, Chris Brown and Keri Hilson - "Superhuman" started to play. I kept singing to keep myself calm, but the water in my eyes was clouding my vision, and I'm positive God drove me home, because I was out of it. "Breakdown" by Mariah Carey played next - and obviously this had to be my Zune poking fun at me. I had to laugh, because every song was a piece of emotion that was flowing through my veins. "Pretty Wings?" Really?

And I realize what the problem is. I refuse to be content with being alone. I have been spoiled and pampered for eight years, and it's hard for me to settle for anything less. Spoiled in the sense that I had someone to sleep with at night, someone to talk to me when I felt restless, someone to bring me flowers and tell me they love me. I've lost that luxury - and even though it's for the betterment of our lives, it hurts like hell. It hurts to know that I am out of my comfort zone, and I don't know how to handle it.

While I found myself a distraction - he is far from ideal when it comes to full attention. I am respected and treated well, but I'm also not too young to know and understand the dynamics of "The Game." I know I'm not alone. Come on, he's what most girls want in their lives. Excitement, good looks, cash flow - why would I honestly think I could keep that to myself? Especially considering that I've known him for years - I know more than he thinks I do about his past life. I would never kid myself like that. That would be naive and dumb. And I am neither of the two. That doesn't make it hurt any less. I am a seriously emotional creature - I just happen to have a shield of steel covering my soul - and I refuse to let anyone penetrate that shield and make me vulnerable. No matter how bad I want to give in.

Oddly enough, as I turned into my driveway, The Fray - "You Found Me" started playing. This - my friends, is a direct sign that God is paying attention. He knows what is going on in my world, and he's telling me that he's here. I need to give him the same amount of attention he has been showing me, and I truly think that my situations and circumstances will improve. There's no other fact but that. I need to get it together.

With that said, I am no longer chasing my Samsonite Man. If he shows up, that's a bonus for me - if he doesn't - I will survive. I've never had to put all my energy into pursuing a love interest, and I refuse to start now. I know feelings are there, but I also know he's no one-trick pony. I won't be gamed. Not again.

Now, let's see what song plays next...
The Fray - "Heartless" (Kanye West Cover)

Friday, December 25, 2009

This Christmas...


Sooo - I'm forever telling my co-workers about my quirky family and all the strange things we do. This month has been all about my Mom's obsession with Christmas trees. We have a tree coming out of every orifice of this house. There's a tree in the guest bathroom, a tree in the den, a tree on the upstairs balcony, a tree on the downstairs patio, two trees in the walkway, a tree by the door... I could go on - but you get the point. Shoot - some of the trees - have their own trees! Not to mention the main tree, of course.

So, last night, we were sitting in the den - shooting the breeze like we so often do, and we started talking about the excess of Christmas trees we have in the house. "Do you know what my first Christmas tree looked like?" She said.
  Growing up in Jamaica, my Mom's family was poor. Over the years, they progressed into better lifestyles - but living was never really easy for them. They once lived in a Tenament Yard - which as Island people know, it is basically America's projects. A huge yard where there were sections of shoddy buildings, most of which the rooms were shared by a single family. My mom's Christmas tree, was a bush that they decorated with whatever trimmings they could find. Her and her siblings would make decorations out of tissue paper, and whatever tinsel they could get their hands on. Sometimes, my Grandfather would bring home the branch of a nice tree, and they would hang a decoration off of that, too.

Over the years, after she moved to America - Mom bought my Grandma a small tree to keep at home. She sent mini decorations, and Grandma was very careful to keep them well protected. Ironically enough, they were cheap decorations from various dollar stores, but Grandma didn't care. She cherished those ornaments like they were from Macy's. We would play with them like action figures, but be careful to put them back - because Grandma would flip if any of them were broken. Back then, you couldn't just walk into a store in Jamaica and pick up a Christmas tree. Someone had to send you one from "foreign" - and that was a big deal.

So now, I understand why she loves the trees so much. It's like they make up for lost time, lost enjoyment. She wants to make sure that my brothers, sisters and I have the holidays she couldn't afford to have. And we do - and we love every moment of it. I have been raised to appreciate all that I have and receive, because my family has come far to give us these opportunities.

This Christmas is a little different from the last - less gifts under the tree, some family members are missing - but the principal is always the same. We cherish those who are with us, send love to those who are not - and give thanks to God for everything that we are blessed to have and receive. That's what it's all about, right?

Happy Holidays, everyone. "Happy Kwanzaa - or whatever you guys celebrate," as we were told how ever many times by some of our white customers yesterday. I don't take it as ignorance, I take it as them trying to be understanding and current. And I appreciate that, too.

Enjoy the montage of Christmas trees, provided by none other  than - my Mom.





Tuesday, December 22, 2009

New Blog!!

My cousins and I have created a group blog called The Poppy Show. If you know us at all - you know we are constantly high energy, and forever discussing life. It's an open forum where we'll discuss our individual interests and expertise - and sometimes just talk straight foolishness. Check us out, follow us - and most of all, we appreciate your support.

http://thepoppyshow.blogspot.com

Give Thanks...

Soo Mom got her results back - she's fine. I can't describe to you the elation I feel. It's like a soda was opened in my chest, and all the bubbly and air rose through my soul. I am so grateful and happy right now!

It brings me to the holidays. No matter how hard times get, no matter how little money we have - there's no greater feeling than knowing that you have people who truly care about you in your world. There's people out there who like to wade in the waters of depression and loathing - but in reality and actuality -your life could be much worse. Disregard the wealth, the lavish cars and lifestyles - a lot of the rich people I encounter are extremely lonely. You can tell a lot about a person by watching their groceries flow down a conveyor belt. The "Lonely Man Dinner" (reference Martin episodes) is common amongst people of privilege. One rotisserie chicken, one serving of side dishes - a case of beer. These people lack true friends. Forget family sometimes - we can't control who we're related to - but to not have any real friends in the world? That's got to be a painful feeling. I pray I never experience that.

That being said - I am eternally grateful for having good people in my life. When I experience tough times, I know that I can expose my feelings to certain people and know that they will be valued, understood and held with the utmost confidence. That is one of the greatest feelings one can have. Because when you have nothing - it is almost a guarantee that at least one of your friends can help you out - no matter the situation. I feel good just knowing that. Who needs Christmas gifts under the tree when I have friends??

This morning during my yoga - I thanked God for everything that he has blessed us with as of late. There have been so many changes to our lives this past year - to have even one blessing is an honor. This holiday season, I thank God for life, health and the opportunity to seek happiness. Many people lack that option right now. Or at least they think so.

Enjoy your holidays, people. The mere fact that you can read this means your life is far better than the homeless gentleman living underneath an overpass. God has blessed you. Take comfort in that.

Love you guys - I am off to bed. Gotta work at 9. I thank God for employment, but jeeze - I need a vacation!!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Emotional Rollercoaster...


So, I just returned from my quick escape - my room looks crazy, and I really should be doing things like cleaning it up, but I've got too much on my mind. I've got my space heater on blast, an oversized t-shirt and leggings on - and yes, I pulled out my leg warmers and toesie socks. I'm prepared for the cold winter - at least physically...

Anyway - as we all know, I am single. I've been verbally single for almost a year, formally for a few months now. I have learned to cope with the pains of being alone, but at some point in this journey - I realized I don't have to be. And I guess this is where He comes in to the equation.

I don't really talk about my love life - and as of late, it's primarily because I didn't have one. Lately, though - I find myself drawn to someone who I was previously banned from even acknowledging. One day I got a mysterious text, and it was history from then on. I can't lie - it feels good.

I will refer to him as He. Simply because as candid as I'd like to be - let's face it, this is still the internet. I can honestly say I love him. He is a great friend, an incredible person to be around - and some other stuff that I'll keep to myself. I laugh so much when I'm around him, that when it's time for me to say goodbye, I end up feeling like crap. He loves the same things I love, he does similar things that I do - He gets me. I don't have to worry about being another person around him (not that I try), because I know He takes me as I am.

{{Tangent}} Ugh. This is sooo difficult! There's so many thing I want to say, but I always fear reprocussion - because I know there are eyes on me. All the time. I can't hide from them. And one of these days - I'm going to just let it all out - no matter the consequence.

Anyway - I feel at ease when He's around. I just appreciate his presence. Every time I travel back home, I know I'm going to see him - and it just makes everything worthwhile. The flight anxiety, the weather - everything - it's all worth it. With guys that try and "court" me, I always worry about the ulterior motives they harbor. Who wants what, who thinks they're getting what -how much money they think they can try and get out of me. I don't worry about that - because he's the one who extends himself for me. I know he'll go that extra mile, because he's done it before, and I'm sure he'll do it again. I find comfort in that.

The problem is - I spent so much time trying to stay away from him, I find myself not knowing how to handle this newfound "freedom". Being able to call him, speak to him - see him - it's all happening so quickly. These past few months have been whirlwind, and I worry that it's gonna fizzle out and lose its momentum. Don't get me wrong - I'm hardly looking for a boyfriend, but "cuffing" season is here, and it would suck real bad if I was the only one without a partner, lol. I refuse to go down like that.

I think he knows how I feel. We've been harboring feelings since high school, for Pete's sake. But I don't know if he understands how intense this is for me. I've been tied up in a relationship for pretty much all of my pubescent/young adult life - I hardly know another man. So, that being said - I hope he understands how fragile the human heart can be. The apprehension in me wonders if what he says is all words - but the human in me sees the way he looks at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention, the way he holds my hand - the way he hugs me. I can't help but believe the feelings are mutual. Sometimes it feels like a dream. Something that was never supposed to come true. Which is why I hope I don't wake up to some sort of emotional nightmare. My romantic year has been horrible up to now. He is my escape
.

It's funny, he's not tech savvy - so he'll probably never read this. But then again, it'll probably be my luck if he does. Either way - the cat is out of the bag. Kimi has been cuffed. All others need not apply. Thankyouhaveagoodday.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

"Wildwood" Vol. 4




Excuse my hiatus - school had me wrapped up. Winter break has arrived - so I have more time to indulge in writing. Here goes. Enter - Yvette...

||Yvette||

My speech at the University went well this afternoon, and I celebrated with my best friends - slash colleagues at Ruth's Chris in the evening. One veal shank and a few mimosas later, and we were all venting about our love lives. Martina couldn't stop gushing about the getaway to Grand Cayman her husband took her on last weekend. She described the hours of lovemaking, the beautiful suite overlooking the cay, the romantic dinners they shared. I smiled gently when she showed us the handmade coral necklace he bought her.
Josie whispered about the young mechanic she's been seeing while her husband was away on business. He accidentally spent the night with her last evening - and had to scale down the second-floor balcony when her husband surprisingly came home early from Beirut. We all shared a laugh when she told us how quickly she threw his clothes, and her neglige out the window and slipped into an old t-shirt.
Katrina talked about all the hoops her ex-husband's been jumping through to try and win her back. On the table, she tossed the keys to the Mercedes that he parked in front of her house a week ago. The story of how he cried in front of all her patients at the hospital had us in stitches.
All I could do was sigh when it came to my turn. I had barely anything to share. I talked about my oldest son, Ricardo, and his usual escapades from college. The new flooring in the kitchen, a cute watch I bought from Cartier, and Richard's usual antics. Not much to discuss. I felt so bored with my life.

"Girl, you need to spice things up - find a young hottie for yourself. What's up with that gardener of yours - he's cute," says mechanic-banging Josie. "Jo - Raul is barely 18, and speaks zero English," I reply. "Okay - but have you seen his abs? What's Spanish for 'take me now?'"
The table erupts in laughter, totally forgetting that we'rre in a restaraunt full of patrons. I take one more swig of my Disarrono and call it a night. We hug and say our goodbyes - promising to call. Everyone runs home to their respective lovers, while I stroll out to an empty nest and a cold bed. As we cruise home, the Wildwood sign beams on the road ahead of us. I ask my driver to stop in. It's only eight o'clock - might as well get some shopping in - just to kill time. I get a few staple items at first, then I end up going overboard. Before I know it - my trolley's full and almost losing my balance, I feel a hand calmly steady my waist.

"Almost had a spill there," says the deep baritone behind me. As I turn around, and to my horror - my hunky cashier is smiling in my face. I hope he doesn't smell the alcohol on my breath. I smile back shyly, and regain my balance.

"Guess I got a little too much, huh?" I say as i struggle to turn the cart towards a checkout counter. "Not at all- looks like you've got everything you need here. Except - chocolate."
He laughs as he pulls the carriage to his line. As he unloads everything for me, he talks about school and his work schedule. Of course, I hear none of this, because I am busy admiring his physique - watching the smooth skin of his face curl into gentle dimples as he smiles. When he's done ringing me up, he politely offers to help me to my car. I try to decline, but I glance at the three-hundred dollar order and reluctantly nod my head. we talked as I waited for my driver to pull up - and surprisingly, he holds good conversation for a young one. We load the bags into the car and I slip him a twenty along with my card.
"We've got a good music program at my University, one of these days we've got to talk you into transferring."
I don't know what made me do it, but giving him my number was the most exhilarating thing I've done in a while. He smiles and almost instinctively, puts the bundle in his pocket. His soft hand shakes mine, and gently closes the door. As we pull off, I look back just in time to watch him walk away.


Damn, I hope he calls.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

||Appreciate Life||

So - last night I was told that my Mom may have Lupus... For those who don't know: Systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) is a chronic, inflammatory autoimmune disorder. It may affect the skin, joints, kidneys, and other organs. Symptoms vary from person to person, and may come and go. The condition may affect one organ or body system at first. Others may become involved later. Almost all people with SLE have joint pain and most develop arthritis. Frequently affected joints are the fingers, hands, wrists, and knees.

General symptoms include:

  • Arthritis
  • Fatigue
  • Fever
  • General discomfort, uneasiness or ill feeling (malaise)
  • Joint pain and swelling
  • Muscle aches
  • Nausea and vomiting
  • Pleural effusions
  • Pleurisy (causes chest pain)
  • Psychosis
  • Seizures
  • Sensitivity to sunlight
  • Skin rash -- a "butterfly" rash over the cheeks and bridge of the nose affects about half of those with SLE. The rash gets worse when in sunlight. The rash may also be widespread.
  • Swollen glands

Additional symptoms that may be associated with this disease:

  • Abdominal pain
  • Blood disorders, including blood clots
  • Blood in the urine
  • Coughing up blood
  • Fingers that change color upon pressure or in the cold
  • Hair loss
  • Mouth sores
  • Nosebleed
  • Numbness and tingling
  • Red spots on skin
  • Skin color is patchy
  • Swallowing difficulty
  • Visual disturbance
There is no cure for SLE. Treatment is aimed at controlling symptoms. Individual symptoms determine treatment. (via GoogleHealth) When she told me, I tried to laugh it off. I did the usual - I joked to her about it, told her not to say things like that - and tried to lighten the situation. She looked at me and said, "Well, if I do - I'm gonna live like I'm dying." That's what killed me. On my way to my cousin's house, the tears started streaming, and I just couldn't stop. I've seen people afflicted with the disease, at various levels and stages of illness. It can vary from minor skin deformity - to complete debilitation. I can't remember a time when Mom wasn't self sufficient. Not sure if I could imagine her needing help moving or walking, or watching her skin peel and change. I am afraid. All I can do is pray that this is is not happening. Like CousinJin said, I can't let the thought manifest into reality. I've got to block it out and focus on the positive. I am trying my best. There's so much going on in our lives - so many issues with finances and family - I can't imagine another blow like this. I refuse to think about it. All I can do is pray. I just want to curl up into a ball and sob quietly right now. I'm fighting tears as I type. It's so hard to concentrate on other aspects of my world when all I want to do is make sure my Mom is okay. I'm supposed to be here studying - but I've decided to go to bed. I'll leave my fate up to God.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Blacks In China - the Uphill Battle

Shout outs to my Mom for sending me this article - you know we're very into various lifestyles of mutts ::smile::


SHANGHAI -- As a mixed-race girl growing up in this most cosmopolitan of mainland Chinese cities, 20-year-old Lou Jing said she never experienced much discrimination -- curiosity and questions, but never hostility.

So nothing prepared Lou, whose father is a black American, for the furor that erupted in late August 2009 when she beat out thousands of other young women on "Go! Oriental Angel," a televised talent show. Angry Internet posters called her a "black chimpanzee" and worse. One called for all blacks in China to be deported.

As the country gets ready to welcome the first African American U.S. . president, whose first official visit here starts Sunday, the Chinese are confronting their attitudes toward race, including some deeply held prejudices about black people. Many appeared stunned that Americans had elected a black man, and President Obama ' s visit has underscored Chinese ambivalence about the growing numbers of blacks living here.

"It ' s sad," Lou said, her eyes welling up as she recalled her experience. "If I had a face that was half-Chinese and half-white, I wouldn ' t have gotten that criticism. . . . Before the contest, I didn ' t realize these kinds of attitudes existed."

As China has expanded its economic ties with Africa -- trade between them reached $107 billion last year -- the number of Africans living here has exploded. Tens of thousands have flocked to the south, where they are putting down roots, establishing communities, marrying Chinese women and having children. Not one child according to Chinese law.

“As it was in the beginning, so shall it be in the end” The new Shang Dynasty. The EXODUS was FROM Africa --NOT TOAFRICA.

The first major Dynasty of China was the Black Shang Dynasty. There are over 100 thousand of these original black chinese remaining. UNESCO is begging china to protect there heritage. Chairman Mao slaughtered millions between 1940 - 1960.

The skeletal remains from Southern China are predominately Negroid. The people of that era practiced single burials which is an African ritual. In northern China Blacks founded many civilizations. The three major empires of China were the Xia Dynasty (c.2205-1766 BC), Shang Yin Dynasty (c.1700-1050 BC) and the Zhou Dynasty. The Zhou dynasty was the first dynasty founded by the Mongoloid people in China called Hua (Who-aa). The founders of Xia and Shang came from the Fertile African Crescent by way of Iran . Chinese civilization began along the Yellow River . By 3500 BC. Blacks in China were raising silkworms and making silk.. The culture hero Huang Di is a direct link of Africa . His name was pronounced in old Chinese Yuhai Huandi or "Hu Nak Kunte." He arrived in China from the west in 2282 BC and settled along the banks of the Loh River in Shanxi . This transliteration of Huandgi, to Hu Nak Kunte is interesting because Kunte is a common clan name among the Manding speakers. The Africans or Blacks that founded civilization in China were often called Li Min "black headed people" by the Zhou dynasts. This term has affinity to the Sumero-Akkadian term Sag-

Gig-Ga "black headed people.”

China was occupied predominately by Blacks from West Asia to China . Blacks were forced from East and Southeast Asia by the expansion of the Thai, Annamite, Bak and Hua Mongoloids. Blacks ruled China until around 1000-700 BC. Blacks of China were known in historical literature by many names, including Negro, Austroloid, Oceanean, etc. by the Europeans. The East Indians and Mongoloid groups had other names like Dara, Yneh-chih, Yaksha, Suka, K ' un-lun, Lushana and Seythians.

China is such a mysterious country - it's no surprise that many people do not know about its rich, black history. Many civilizations and cultures in this world have been founded, supported or created based on the strength of Africans. In most events - the African history is hidden and/or undermined to emphasize the fairer-skinned counterpart that they shared the land with.

In the case of Lou Jing, she is merely experiencing the discrimination and injustices that many of our mixed-race American counterparts have already gone through. China may be advanced in technology and agriculture, but as far as it goes with tolerance and cultural diversity - they have a long way to go. We always learned in history class back in elementary school how difficult it was for non-Chinese people to enter and live in the country. I can only imagine how it feels being on the dark end of the mixed spectrum and live in China. It's hard enough being brown in America. Chinese people are notoriously stereotyped for profiling black people in the US. Ever heard the term, "Hurry up an buy?"

It's interesting, because in Jamaica, "black Chiney" is a term used for, well - people who are Black and Chinese. It is pretty common nowadays to see mixed Asian and black children on the island. Now, to see a family like that is another story. It is slowly becoming acceptable to mix races, but back in the day as Mom tells me sometimes - the Chinese men would have sex with the black women of the island, unbeknownst of course to their Chinese wives. When the woman would become pregnant, the child was often considered a "jacket," or a child who does not belong to the accused father. This lead to many fatherless mixed children, a bad name placed on the mother of the child, and a complex placed on the mixed child that would scar them for years. Tragic, yet true. Which makes Lou Jing's story all the more intriguing. I am curious to know how she deals with her adversities in a country where she is seriously outnumbered. It takes a strong individual to overcome discrimination, especially when there is little support around you.

I am sure these experiences will simply make her stronger. Winning that talent competition may be her stepping stone into stardom - putting her on the map. This may be exactly what is needed to shed light on these kinds of issues.

I suppose only time will tell.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

{[The Kimi Chronicles...}}

So I've decided to really start talking about my life in my blog. I guess I'll leave out names - but I feel like blogging is an open canvas; it gives us the ability to be candid and honest - without the immediate brutality that the real world often brings. I've kept a lot of my thoughts inside my head with this semester flying under me and knocking me to the ground - I think it's due time for a bit of real talk...

I have a stalker. And it's hard t oexplain the history of this person without going into a bag of mix-up. Long story short, he is a strange character who may have single-handedly sparked off the end of my eight-year relationship. And I want nothing to do with him romantically.

But for some reason - he doesn't get the clue.

I suspect he gets aroused by my rejection towards him. I can't explain it - but there's something in his tone of voice when he hears me say no. He takes these deep breaths, moans my name under his whispers - then continues his monologue. I hadn't seen him in nearly six months at one point - and he was texting me and telling me he missed me. Why? How? What have I done for you to even have remote feelings for me? Nothing. And that is where his infatuation becomes his obsession. And it creeps me out.

Oddly enough - fate has worked in his favor, and there have been two occasions where I've needed to call on him for assistance. He happens to do mechanic work, and twice my mechanic has failed me to the point where I was in desperate need of help. This past time was so recent - it was yesterday. And the encounter solidified the fact that I want him out of my world. He is beyond strange. I wish you guys could see the intensity in his eyes when he looks at me. I cringe at the thought of what may be running through his mind at times.

One may ask while reading this - why have I continued to speak to him? It's a complicated issue that has one answer - he is an in-law. I, being the family diplomat, tried my best to keep things calm after the "incident" that took place a year ago - and forgave him for the trife that he committed. That forgiveness became the opening in his doorway of opportunity to come into my world. My mom's hired him to do work in the house, further increasing his stalker title - because he now knows where I live, what my room looks like, the car I drive - my immediate family. It sends a chill through my body to think of how much crucial information he knows. But I know more about him than he realizes - and I suppose that keeps him at bay. Plus, I know my strengths - I'll be fine.

All I know is - once I move into my new apartment in the next few months - he will never hear from me again. I don't care who he's related to. His desire to be near me truly and honestly concerns me - because he does not know me very well. How can you be obsessed with someone you barely even know??

I may never get the answer. I highly doubt I want to. I just want this whole ordeal to end peacefully, quietly - so I can move on with my life. Who knows how that will happen.

Jill Scott - Epiphany...




































My feelings, as told by my queen - Jill Scott...

Watching,
Watching as he took the holder off his shoulder
Fire in his eyes,hands getting bolder
Quiet,quiet
Growing excited
Dug him for his bank account,but really for
his private
Damn about a mindset
Really wasn't into that
Needed me some pleasing,jon looking real fat
Laidback was his foreplay
All that was needed,needed was some of that
Started simple
Massaging on my temple
Pinching on my mountain peaks
That a sisters into
I responded,"Mmmmm."
You like the sound,I like makin'it more
I fell for the rock and shore
Enough,he brought it close so I could really see
Up close he slid between my breast
Sweaty with lust and sweat

Rode Mt.Saint Scott 'til ooooo
Creamy lava landed on my skin and neck
Blended with my all day Chanel scent
This freaking was incredulent,decadent
Flip side,stomach meets sheets
He plows inside as if he's making beats
As if this year's harvest depended on it
Bendin'on it
Back on my back old fashioned is renewed
Red toenail polish on whitewalls
Documenting this freaking,ahhhhh
I must...
Remember...
To thank him...
Later.
No,no,no,
No,no,no
I take charge of ship
Moving with my back and my hips
Like my ancestors did
Speaking the Bantu, Ranga and Tonga??
But I've gotta stop all that to make it longer,
But it's too late
I put him to sleep
Curled all up, spasm all in his feet
Feeling all proud like I did something deep
Aint really nothin' it's the way that it be
North Philly sister reppin' hard like me

But why do I feel so empty?

In life, I've realized that women (and men) so often validate themselves by frivolous things such as sexual performance. We all the while forget that there is more to life than what you can do in bed. Ladies will try and keep a love interest around by giving in to his every sexual want and need, even though he may simply walk away when a new prospective partner appears. Men will try and downplay the inadequacies in their lives by pleasing a woman's every desire - surpassing those that others may be able to offer. In essence, he is still the same useless man he will be in the morning after, but all that is forgotten during the hours of ecstasy he brings when you decide you're leaving. As young men and women - we've all probably experienced such things in one form or another, and it's hard to separate what's real from what is perception. Ms. Scott takes every morsel of romance's bittersweet recipe and throws it in with a simple drum and symbol pattern to evoke what so many of us feel. It hurts to realize the truth. It stings to come to the climax, drift down gently - then land on a bed of thorns. The epiphany can be encountered in so many ways; she could be the "other woman," - realizing that he will never truly belong to her, no matter how hard she works at it. Or, she could be his wife - trying to compete for his attention from the other woman. She could simply be a one-night-stand, understanding that next weekend's man will get the same amount of effort put in - and still won't call her in the morning. The true question is - which one are you??