Sunday, August 23, 2009

||Karmaloop.com - Save %20||



Soo - I have been officially approved to be a part of the Karmaloop family. I filled out my application, submitted a photo of myself and waited. One day, by surprise, I got an email saying I'd been approved! I'll contain myself, lol....

Anyway - if you're not up on it, Karmaloop is one of the premier websites for urban clothing, shoes and accessories. It has been one of my staple sites for shopping over the past few years, because it's not always easy to shop down here in Florida when you dress like I do. The styles and brands are very unique, and the Kazbah also showcases up and coming brands in the industry. Considering that I hope to see some of my own designs on my favorite site, it's definitely a blessing to be able to expose people I know to this site and to a change of venue. The urban stores on the streets nowadays have become extremely cookie-cutter and commercial. Karmaloop is definitely a breath of fresh air.

T
hat being said - I present to you, my rep code. This code will get you 20% off your initial purchase, and 10% off any purchases thereafter. So, if you got a birthday coming up and wanna get yourself somethin special, 20% off is definitely a good look.
Especially on brands like Supra, Married to the Mob, Crooks & Castles, Mama and Obey. These are brands that have been taking over the streets for the past few years. There's always sales going on, and in this state of the economy - gettin fresh has never cost you this little. Trust me.

I
'd love to hear your feedback after you browse the site - so feel free to hit me up - Sn3akrfr3akr@gmail.com...


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Article Post: "Brooklyn Artist Delivers 'Candy Crack'?

Via HipHopWired.com

Brooklyn Artist Delivers 'Candy Crack'

POLITICS

Brooklyn performance artist, Nate Hill, takes to the streets of Brooklyn every other Saturday night and delivers candy disguised a crack called "candy crack." While some find his antics amusing, others are offended.

What is really crystalized sugar, Hill, 31, delivers $1 bags of his "candy crack" dressed in a white tuxedo and dolphin headpiece between the hours of 10 p.m. and 2 a.m., like a real live crack pusher, reports New York Daily News.

"There's this amusing theater going on and really, it's just supposed to be fun," Hill said.

In sharp contrast, however, some locals feel differently.

"I hate anybody who jokes about drugs," said Ishmael Torres, 75, president of the tenant association at the Borinquen Plaza on Humboldt St. in Williamsburg.

"I've seen too many cemeteries, too many hospitals, too many funeral parlors. The cops should stop this guy."

Vice President of an alcohol and substance abuse treatment center in Greenpoint, called the Outreach Project, Kevin Wadalavage, said he is "dumbfounded" by Hill's attempt to be "amusing."

"It's irresponsible just to assume that young people can make the difference and get the act," Wadalavage said.

As a beekeeper for a genetics lab by day, this is not the first time Hill has gone out of his way to provide shock comedy for New Yorkers, including Chinatown garbage tours and knee-boucing rides for straphangers.

His "candy crack" spoof does, however, have a few followers.

Ernica Serrero, 21, and a recent Bernard graduate ordered some "candy crack" from Hill for his Williamsburg party last Sunday. "I's definitely do it again. It's a great experience."

The local police are completely aware of Hill's newest feat, but are in no way worried about him.

"People have seen him around," said one police source. "It's just candy. Unfortunately, being criminally stupid is not illegal."

*Aug 12 - 00:05*


I can totally see the satire in this. People in the neighborh0od can criticize this man for distributing strange candy - but won't persecute the dangerous people who poison their neighborhoods with actual drugs. He makes a valid point - if your kids will accept candy from a stranger - what makes you think they won't take drugs from a dealer? As a community - we need to educate our children on what is safe from unsafe. They should know how to spot someone that is less than trustworthy. At a young age - if I saw this guy giving out candy - I'd say no thanks and move away as quickly as possible.

As a matter of fact - this reminds me of a happening during winter break. I brought LittleBigSister to the campus library to do some research. We were at the computers, and some weird kid came and sat next to us. He kept talking about strange stuff, World of Warcraft, etc. He pulled out some snacks out of his bag, and offered her a plastic-wrapped cookie/sandwich. Without batting an eyelid - she looked at him and said, "No thanks." Then - she looked at me for affirmation, with a "wtf is wrong with this dude?" look. He said to her, "It's okay, it's sealed and stuff." She's no fool. He could have opened it and done some crazy ish. He went away after like 30min, she looked at me and said "Do you know that guy?"

As a big sister, I was so proud of her. She's nine years-old, and she knows all about stranger danger. Unlike a lot of kids out there, though - she observes the scene before she does anything. I especially enjoyed how cool she was about the situation; most kids hide behind whoever they're with at the time. She shut him down politely, then made sure I didn't know him - in case he returned. If society would enstill awareness in their children - a lot of crimes against the young could and would be avoided.

||Spoke - N - Heard|| - Intuition

Something I wrote a while back - stumbled upon it just now...



Current mood: animated
Category: Writing and Poetry

Some thoughts scrawled inside my mind...

Intuition -

I see you staring out the corner of my eye,

You stole a kiss - it kinda caught me by surprise.

I'm sitting here, even though I know

That I should go.

Should you stop? I shake my head -

The quickest no.

I know it's wrong,

but it's cliche to say it's right.

That look you give me says you want to stay the night.

Pull up the covers, lay your head

here on my chest.

I'll give my all, just know

you're gonna get my best.

We push the moon, pull back the sun

Wipe out the clouds that line the sky.

You kiss my face and wipe

As tears fall from my eye.

I pull you close, you make a promise

Not to stop.

"Just keep it down,

In case your neighbors call the cops"

Intuition says to leave,

but how do I end this dream?

I lie awake, you're in my arms -

In reality what it seems

Is that I've fallen for your charm.

Your smile, the way you speak.

Your eloquence, your fashion sense -

Your ability to be.

My only choice - to make you mine

To never have to share.

So when I wake up in the morning,

I'll be sure to find you there...

||The Quest for ?|| - Speed Up Your Metabolism


One of my favorite fitness sites - Women's Health - has an article about simple ways to speed up one's metabolism. If you're like me, and are genetically predisposed to being - well - not skinny - this is a boost when you're trying to lose weight.


SPEED UP YOUR METABOLISM

Don't bemoan the fact that you were born with a sluggish calorie-burning system. Turbocharge it with these tips—some even work
JEN ATOR

Here's a secret: slaving away inside your body—right this minute—is your very own personal trainer working tirelessly to help you burn calories and shed fat. It's called your metabolism, and it's the sum of everything your body does. Each time you eat, enzymes in your body's cells break down the food and turn it into energy that keeps your heart beating, your mind thinking, and your legs churning during a grueling workout. The faster your metabolism runs, the more calories you burn. The more you burn, the easier it is to drop pounds. And get this—you can make your metabolism work harder, a lot harder, 24 hours a day.

To some degree, our bodies hum along at a preset speed determined by gender and genetics, but there's still plenty of wiggle room. "You have a huge amount of control over your metabolic rate," says John Berardi, Ph.D., C.S.C.S., author of The Metabolism Advantage. "You can't affect how many calories it takes to keep your heart beating, but you can burn an extra 500 to 600 calories a day by exercising properly and eating right." And by making a few changes to your routine.

To make those changes simpler, we enlisted the help of leading experts and came up with a round-the-clock, turn-up-the-burn plan complete with new moves that will throw your metabolism into overdrive.

When you roll out of bed
Eat (a good) breakfast Every. Single. Day. If you don't, your body goes into starvation mode (it's paranoid like that), so your metabolism slows to a crawl to conserve energy, Berardi says. And the heartier your first meal is, the better. In one study published in the American Journal of Epidemiology, volunteers who got 22 to 55 percent of their total calories at breakfast gained only 1.7 pounds on average over four years. Those who ate zero to 11 percent of their calories in the morning gained nearly three pounds. In another study published in the same journal, volunteers who reported regularly skipping breakfast had 4.5 times the risk of obesity as those who took the time to eat.

What should you be having? Morning munchies that are slow to digest and leave you feeling fuller longer. Try a mix of lean protein with complex carbohydrates and healthy fats, like this power breakfast, recommended by Berardi: an omelet made from one egg and two egg whites and a half cup of mixed peppers and onions, plus a half cup of cooked steel-cut oats mixed with a quarter cup of frozen berries and a teaspoon of omega-3-loaded fish oil.

Sip java Sisterhood of the traveling spill-proof mugs, rejoice! A study published in the journal Physiology & Behavior found that the average metabolic rate of people who drank caffeinated coffee increased 16 percent over that of those who drank decaf. Caffeine stimulates your central nervous system by increasing your heart rate and breathing, says Robert Kenefick, Ph.D., a research physiologist at the U.S. Army Research Institute of Environmental Medicine. Honestly, could there be a more perfect beverage?

Guzzle your water cold Chase your morning joe with an ice-cold glass of H2O. Researchers at the University of Utah found that volunteers who drank eight to 12 eight-ounce glasses of water per day had higher metabolic rates than those who quaffed only four glasses. Your body may burn a few calories heating the cold water to your core temperature, says Madelyn Fernstrom, Ph.D., founder and director of the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center Weight Management Center. Though the extra calories you burn drinking a single glass doesn't amount to much, making it a habit can add up to pounds lost with essentially zero additional effort.

When you're at work
Pick protein for lunch Cramming protein into every meal helps build and maintain lean muscle mass. Muscle burns more calories than fat does, even at rest, says Donald Layman, Ph.D., professor of nutrition at the University of Illinois. Aim for about 30 grams of protein—the equivalent of about one cup of low-fat cottage cheese or a four-ounce boneless chicken breast—at each meal.

Brew up some green tea "It's the closest thing to a metabolism potion," says Tammy Lakatos Shames, R.D., author of Fire Up Your Metabolism: 9 Proven Principles for Burning Fat and Losing Weight Forever. The brew contains a plant compound called ECGC, which promotes fat burning. In one study, people who consumed the equivalent of three to five cups a day for 12 weeks decreased their body weight by 4.6 percent. According to other studies, consuming two to four cups of green tea per day may torch an extra 50 calories. That translates into about five pounds per year. Not bad for a few bags of leaves, eh? For maximum effect, let your tea steep for three minutes and drink it while it's still hot.

Undo damage with dairy Hey, it happens. There are days when no salad on earth can possibly overcome the seductive power of French fries. But you can make up for it with a calcium-rich afternoon snack, like eight ounces of milk or six ounces of low-fat yogurt. Calcium helps your body metabolize fat more efficiently by increasing the rate at which it gets rid of fat as waste (yes, that kind), reports a study from the University of Copenhagen. Sorry, supplements don't have the same effect.

When you go food shopping
Choose organic produce You wouldn't fill your car engine with pesticides, right? Hell, no. Researchers in Canada found that dieters with the most organochlorides (chemicals found in pesticides) stored in their fat cells were the most susceptible to disruptions in mitochondrial activity and thyroid function. Translation: Their metabolism stalled. Can't afford a full organic swap? Go to foodnews.org/fulllist for the most (and the least) contaminated foods, then adjust your shopping list accordingly.

Seek heat It turns out capsaicin, the compound that gives chili peppers their mouth-searing quality, can also fire up your metabolism. Eating about one tablespoon of chopped red or green chilies boosts your body's production of heat and the activity of your sympathetic nervous system (responsible for our fight-or-flight response), according to a study published in the Journal of Nutritional Science and Vitaminology. The result: a temporary metabolism spike of about 23 percent. Stock up on chilies to add to salsas, and keep a jar of red pepper flakes on hand for topping pizzas, pastas, and stir-fries.

Grab some metal Women lose iron during their period every month. That can throw a wrench into your metabolic machine, because iron helps carry oxygen to your muscles. If your levels run low, muscles don't get enough O2, your energy tanks, and your metabolism sputters, Shames says. Stock up on iron-­fortified cereals, beans, and dark leafy greens like spinach, bok choy, and broccoli.

When you work out
Mix things up with intervals You're always looking for a way to shorten your workout, right? Well, step up your intensity and you'll burn the same number of calories or more in less time. In one Aus­tralian study, female volunteers either rode a stationary bike for 40 minutes at a steady pace or for 20 minutes of intervals, alternating eight seconds of sprints and 12 seconds of easy pedaling. After 15 weeks, those who incorporated the sprints into their cardio workouts had lost three times as much body fat—including thigh and core flab—compared with those who exercised at a steady pace. Bursts of speed may stimulate a fat-burning response within the muscles, says lead researcher Ethlyn Gail Trapp, Ph.D. Whether you ride, run, or row, try ramping things up to rev your burn: Start by doing three eight-second all-out, can't-talk sprints with 12 seconds at an easy pace between each effort. Work your way up until you can do 10 sprints over 20 minutes.

Take it slow This isn't easy, but when you strength train, count to 3 as you lower the weight back to the start position. Slowing things down increases the breakdown of muscle tissue—yeah, it sounds bad, but all that damage you're incurring is actually a good thing. The repair process pumps up your metabolism for as long as 72 hours after your session, according to researchers at Wayne State University. But pass on those featherweight dumbbells—you need to use weights that are heavy enough that you struggle to complete the final few reps.

Pop pills Combining regular exercise with fish-oil supplements increases the activity of your fat-burning enzymes, reports a study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. Volunteers took six grams of fish oil daily and worked out three times a week. After 12 weeks, they'd lost an average of 3.4 pounds, while those who exercised exclusively saw minimal shrinkage. Look for brands containing at least 300 milligrams of the fatty acid EPA and 200 milligrams of the fatty acid DHA per capsule. Pop two of these two hours before your workout.

When you get home
Eat Nemo's pals Fatty fish like salmon, tuna, and sardines are loaded with hunger-quashing omega-3 fatty acids. These healthy fats help trigger the rapid transfer of "I'm full" signals to your brain, according to the National Institutes of Health. Bonus: A 3.5-ounce serving of salmon nets you 90 percent of your recommended daily value of vitamin D, which will help preserve your precious calorie-craving, metabolism-stoking muscle tissue.

Skip the second mojito Another reason not to overimbibe: Knocking back the equivalent of just two mixed drinks (or two glasses of wine or two bottles of beer) puts the brakes on fat burning by a whopping 73 percent. That's because your liver converts the alcohol into acetate and starts using that as fuel instead of your fat stores, report researchers from the University of California, Berkeley.

Hit the sack—early When you sleep less than you should, you throw off the amounts of leptin and ghrelin—hormones that help regulate energy use and appetite—that your body produces. Researchers at Stanford University found that people who snoozed fewer than 7.5 hours per night experienced an increase in their body mass index. So make sure you get at least eight hours of rest.



{{ http://www.womenshealthmag.com/files/best-tips/boost-metabolism.html?cm_mmc=Newsletter-_-2009_Aug_18-_-Dose-_-readon }}

My dilemma is the insomnia issue. I don't usually get eight hours of sleep - but the Valerian I've been taking has gotten me at least 5 for the past few nights. Hopefully I'll be able to remedy that - but as a full time college student and worker - I don't see it happening.

||Going Meatless - the Quest for ? ||



{{Zune Says - Rihanna - Te Amo
}}


So, last night as I was laying in bed - around 3am I decided that starting today I would be excluding meat from my diet. I didn't set a time span for this, partially cuz It was 3am and I was trying to fall asleep when the thought came to me. I've done this before, and it has yielded positive results, so I figure if I do it right this time - I should have a really good turnout.

C
onsidering that the economy sucks right now, I've decided to switch my game plan. I went without meat last year for almost a month, but a large percentage of what I ate was consumed outside of home. This causes serious financial weight, because seafood is inflated greatly in the retail world. I'll be cooking at home when time allows - cuz school starts next week, and time will be limited.



{{Tangent: My cousin is sitting across from me at the table - and he's typing so hard, it's shaking! Slightly irritated, but whatever.}}
Anyway - what people fail to recognize in healthy eating and weight loss - is that a key element to this is elimination. You have to be "regular" in order to expel the fat and the waste. So the first part of this cleanse involves detox. Milk Thistle, Slim Tea, and Ground Flax are the combination that's gonna aide in the fat flush. People feed into commercials too much. All those products they advertise harm the body instead of help it. Yeah, you lose weight - but your stomach is damaged in the end, your metabolism's out of whack - and you don't even know what you're consuming! That's why I stay the natural route. It takes a bit longer sometimes, but the results last longer, are more effective, and I won't randomly wake up dead one day.

Another important aspect of weight loss -is hydration. Nowadays, people don't like to drink water. Most people I know would rather have soda or some sugared-up juice instead. My innocent pleasure is Apple Juice. There is always a huge gallon of "no sugar added" all natural Apple Juice in my fridge. If I don't feel like water at the moment, I get a cold glass of juice instead. My mom hates water. She sprinkles a little Crystal Light in her glass before she sips it. I reccomend Vitamin Water (in limited daily quantities) as a segue into pure water. The sodium in those drinks can actually dehydrate and/or cause bloating, so one bottle a day should do the trick - especially if you don't excercise.

Mind you, I'm no fitness guru - and I'm no slim chick - but I'm firm young lady, and I've been excercising all my life. Sometimes I feel it's better to hear advise and tips from people who've struggled with the same issues and are working towards solutions or have overcome the problem. I had put on over 40lbs since moving to Florida - and have managed to streamline that weight into muscle, which has allowed me to keep a nice figure throughout all this. Cuz there was a time, like a year or so ago - that I wasn't lookin so hot, lol. I had to get that under control.

I got back on my workout grind starting yesterday. At least an hour of cardio and core training - which is always begun with fifteen minutes of yoga. People don't understand how helpful yoga truly is. It stretches the muscles, makes them leaner and more flexible - and it also aides in digestion. There are specific moves that help the intestinal tracts flex and keep you regular. Don't count out yoga too soon - I guarantee even basic moves can improve your life.

I guess chosing to skip meat is a move towards change. So many times, we get used to our regular routines and rituals, we fail to realize that our bodies adjust to these things. I'm too interested in my health to hit a plateu and just stay there. I'm always looking for some new way to improve myself. Shoot, I haven't had a slice of white bread in almost two years. I wouldn't have realized how much of an affect it was having on my body until I cut carbs out my diet for a while. I don't miss it one bit. And my stomach thanks me...

My question to you today is - what can we do as human beings to challenge ourselves more often? Life gets boring when we get used to things. We have to mix it up every once in a while. Whether it be spiritual, sexual, or simply physical - there's always something we could be doing to make our lives more enriched. It's time to get up and do it...

Friday, August 14, 2009

||G1 Blogging|| - Running Away = ¿Racism, Que?

Random thoughts as I lay here watching NCIS...

I was on my way to the mezanine to catch the elevator from the beach, and an older white couple was ahead of me. The husband was holding the door for me (without turning his back), and when I said thank you, here barely acknowledged my presence. They were walking pretty slow, I attributed the pace to the obvious scoliosis of the husband, so I patiently strolled behind them. Of course, we happened to be going the same way. The wife looked startled when she noticed I was still behind her, but I was nonchalantly fingering bits of sand out of my hair. I pressed the elevator button as they chatted quietly between each other, and when it arrived - I hopped inside and held the {{Door Open}} button. To my surprise, and sort of dismay, they hung back - and the wife kindly stuck her head in front of the door. "We'll take the next one," and stepped into the elevator next to mine.

Who Cares? Right?

I do. For the fact that growing up, we went to resorts often. As a family, my father's business trips brought us to various countries, states, hotels across the continent. Common courtesy back then was to hop in the first elevator available, and meet the people who are sharing a hotel with you. I expected that I would press their floor for them, polite conversation would ensue - and worst case, I'd meet someone new. Not anymore. I suppose all of that has died.

My question is - why are we still racist? In this day and age, what are we still afraid of? I would think, with all the "social networking"- the MySpacing, the Twittering, that we would all be friends, right? I guess I was wrong.

I remember right after Sept. 11, everyone was all about solidarity, unity, the American way. For the months following that tragic event, black people were catching cabs in NYC, people were pulling over and helping disabled vehicles - all that jazz. Then one day, it all stopped. We heard the words "Terrorist" and "Al Quaida," and the world became paranoid. Not to say racism wasn't rampant before, but I feel like race is being emphasized more today. People are back to being afraid of what they don't know, or understand.

||Tangent: I went home and brought some string cheese back to the hotel. Shhhh. Yummm.||

Okay, sorry. Anyway - yeah. People have resorted back to ignorance. Society has gone back to thinking all black people steal, all latinos are conmen, white people are pedophiles and rapists. How did we get this way? When did it become unsafe to ride the elevator with people, take cabs with strangers - or even eat at the same table in Benihana?

I think we all need a wake up call. The names Sotomayor, Clinton and Obama should mean so much right now. They should make us proud, happy even. This world should be leaning toward trust and brotherhood. How? Hold the door for the person behind you, help that old lady with her runaway shopping cart, press that door open button. Most importantly, get in that elevator. And smile.

{{And don't clutch your purse, either.}}

Thursday, August 13, 2009

||G1 Blogging|| = Running Away

So, I've invented this new thing for myself called "Running Away." It's the second year I've done this, and it feels pretty damn good. I take a day or two, check myself into an awesome hotel, and cut myself off from everyone I know. No phone calls, no MySpace/Facebook - and newly added - no Twitter. I decided to blog this time, because I felt the urge.

It doesn't matter how much money I have at the time, I make sure I have enough to book my room and eat. My car's parked up overnight, and I'm currently nestled under the softest covers on earth.
There is nobody here but me.

Nobody's here to ask me to do the dishes, give rides, borrow my car, borrow money, complain about the house, school, work, life, relationships - anything. The only noise I hear is that of whomever's talking on the USA network from this awesome plasma tv. I only read texts to check for emergencies, and everyone gets sent to voicemail (Except for Uncle Delly - he was calling long distance). I put all my worries aside - I think the Earth will continue spinning if I step away for two days...

People probably wonder a few things about my running away idea. First being why do I do it. Well, it's simple yet complicated - every once in a while, I like to be alone. I spend all of my life socializing and talking to people. As much as I love it - it gets tiring at times. Second question being how can I afford to - and that - is simple as well - I got the hook up. It's always good to have friends in high places. I need this escape to clear my mind, especially before school starts. I've got to be completely focused for the semester - no games. Might as well get all the sleep and laying around that I can in two days. Am I wrong for that?

Lastly - the view is freakin amazing here! I'm gonna try and post a few pics from my G1 - we'll see how that goes.

Well, it's 11pm, and my Greek dinner is givin me the -itis. Bout to turn in for the evening. See you in two days!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

{{Archive - Blogs of Past}} = "The Never Ending Battle..."

Ignorance is alive and well. Trust, I got the shotty that'll end it's life, tho.


" I had a customer on my line today. He walks up and says, "Hey baby girl." I say hi, and he continues with, "Do you hear that a lot?" I say no, but obviously it was a rhetorical question, because he responds with, "That's what all the 'brothas' say, right?"

It's safe to guess what this man's race was. He was an older white man in his probably late 50's, early 60's, and he thought he was so cool. In my attempts to remain civil after the first rude comment, I continue to ring him up. Darline comes to take my place so I can go into my Green Mission meeting, and he starts again. "Oh, here comes your replacement - so you can go home and take care of the kids. They're another job, aren't they?" I look up at him and I retort, "I don't have any, sir - so I wouldn't know." The Icing on the Cake?
"Oh, I bet by the time I come back, you'll have a couple bambinos running around."

Excuse me?

It took everything in my being to take my till and not throw it at his head. Is that what all of us black people are to you? You don't even know me! I practice celibacy, but it's not his business to know that. My FIANCE - not my baby daddy - and I are waiting to have a child until we are legally married. I am a full-time college student, who has always been an intelligent person. I don't need some probably rich jerk to walk up to me and start making assumptions. It was unwarranted, and down right disgusting.

Because I have class (and I was on the clock), I didn't proceed to verbally rip him a new one. My mother raised me to be smart - I'm not going to jeprodize my employment to entertain this man. Please believe, though - if I were shopping and not working, he would have gotten the tongue lashing that he deserved.

What he fails to understand, obviously, is that his racial species (they are a class of their own) have their set of black sheep we like to call - white trash. In his dingy white tee shirt, and snug fit jeans, he fit the description of one - stereotypically. I don't walk around asking his friends which trailor park they live in, or which one of their illegitimate children will they be avoiding today -or which one of his sisters that child came from. That is because I know everyone is not this way, and I would be an ignorant fool to assume otherwise. I couldn't let him see that he ruffled my feathers, but he truly pissed me off.

There are a largely growing majority of us black young-adults who aspire to do great things with our lives. Just because I am a cashier doesn't mean that I am working to support my out-of-wedlock family. It means that I chose not to mooch off my parents for the duration of my college career, and I have things of my own. I have money in my savings and checking accounts, I only own one credit card, and I have good enough credit to get my own apartment, and lease a brand new vehicle (which I have responsibly chosen not to do). He will never delve that far into my life, however - so he will never know that. He is perfectly content with trotting off back into his little world, ready to spew the next stereotype at whichever one of us minorities crosses his path next.

It is up to us as black people, or brown, purple or otherwise - to prove these people wrong. It is up to us as the Colin Powells, the Barrack Obamas, the Shirley Chisolms, the Condoleeza Rices - to become such powerful people that moral idiots like this man have no choice but to respect us. Instead of beating the crap out of him (like I wanted to), I will wait for his deaf grandchild to come for treatment in my hearing clinic in the next ten years. I will wait for him to need physical therapy for that new hip and head to Louis for assistance. I will watch as his wife gets her makeup done at Jheanell's spa. It's going to happen.

And my bambinos' college funds will all be paid for."

Some people are lucky I have home training. I refuse to perpetuate the stereotypes, though.

{{Archive - Blogs of Past}} - "Fire, Ashes, and a Molten Heart..."

Current mood: angsty
Category: Life

" So he did it. At 3:30AM Yesterday, he passed away.

I wasn't ready for this at all. I honestly thought he would pull through. He was such a strong guy, he had made it 3 months after a serious head injury caused by being beaten with a fire extinguisher and nine stab wounds. Why couldn't he wake up? He went into cardiac arrest yesterday. God wanted him home. I have to keep telling myself this, every time I begin to cry. This morning I thought I was done. I stayed in bed for two hours crying yesterday when I got the news. I went to shower this morning - and they all came back.

Those long talks on the phone. The day he asked me if I think we all have a purpose in life. He had real questions and intellectual answers. We talked about everything - from his grandparents' separation to his grandmother's death. I still remember watching his grandmother launch a PC out the house window, along with clothes and other belongings of his grandfather's. When I used to walk for 15 minutes just to buy nothing at A&P while he was working. That was in seventh grade.

Sitting on the porch til sunset will never happen again. I can't look forward to seeing him on the Ave when I go home for the summer. I'll never watch him find true love (excluding me), I'll never see him get married. It hurts me. This was all preventable. All because of one fool's pride. Now they will all get what they deserve.

I had a dream about him two weeks ago. He was awake, in a wheelchair. The details are fuzzy, but they say if you tell your dreams to someone, they won't come true. So I kept it to myself, in hopes that it would come to fruition. I can give up on that.

This is the first friend I have ever lost. Maybe this is why it hurts so much. I have lost family, distant relatives, friends of my family - but never a friend so dear to my heart. I loved him so much. There were so many things I didn't get to say to him. So many things that were undiscussed.

This week, I wear black nails with red. Black to express my sorrow and mourning, red to express my pain - and to represent his favorite color.

Muhammad Bylik Etheridge. You came into my life quietly, and you left in the same manor - but the song that my heart sings for you will never cease to play. I love you. I always will.

June 28, 2008 - a Day I Will Never Forget...

Currently listening :
I Care 4 U (with Bonus DVD)
By Aaliyah
Release date: 2002-12-10"

{{Archives - Blogs of Past}} "Letting Go..."

I still think about you daily. No one can take the memories away. It's awkward now that you're gone - but I know where you are.


Today, I am letting go.

I have spent the past two sleepless weeks crying and worrying about what I didn't get to do or say. I realize now, that I will never have the tangible things I have hoped for - but I can still move forward. The other night, the most haunting thing happened to me.
I was sitting in my bed, crying for the twelfth night straight, and I decided to talk to him. I closed my eyes and started in my head. I told him how I felt - about everything. I recounted memories, conversations - everything.

The tears came rushing out like a steady stream, but I felt so relieved. I lay down, still crying - back to the wall, and I felt someone sit next to me on the bed. I thought it was Louis, and I turned to say something - but when I reached out to touch him - no one was there. My heart stopped.

I kid you not, I could hear the hinges lock on my bed and everything. I know he visited me that night.

Maybe he wanted closure as much as I did. I went downstairs and slept next to Louis, but I continued my monologue with him. I think it served its purpose.

At the funeral today, I touched him for the last time. It hurt so much to know I'd never hear him laugh at me again, never squint at me and say, "What do you meeean? I got this!" I can only wait until the afterlife.

Sarah McLaughlin said, "Weep not for memories," and she's right. We had some excellent times together. I smoked my first (and last) blunt with him, he laughed as I choked, "Did you inhale?" I played hide-and-seek with his little sister, and stood outside with him in the rain. I'll never forget those things.

And now I let go of his physical body - but I will forever hold on to his spirit.

Muhammad Bylik Etheridge - I love you. Rest In Peace."

I read all of that - without one - single - tear. I am proud of myself.

{{Archive - Blogs of Past}} - "September 11 - Seven Years Later..."


So - because of my blogging hiatus - I've decided to make up for it by bringing entries from my old blog & journal over here. I look back at the things I've written sometimes and wonder - wow - did I really write that?? I'd love to share them with you guys.

I'll leave them in their original state - preserve the memories...

As I sit here watching the footage, new thoughts enter my mind. It's all a jumble, mixed in with fresh tears and old thoughts. I just watched the first building collapse, for the first time in seven years. I have never allowed myself to watch all the footage - because it was still too new. It still is.

As the ashes and metal curdle beneath the flames, my mother begins to sob. So do I. Thousands of people. Stuck in a building in hundred-degree heat. My mind races to the thought of being trapped, knowing my life is over. Watching the second building fall, the smoke billowing for blocks, chasing anyone who is unfortunate enough to be caught on the street.

This is sickening.

Hearing the firefighters calls for help, how can a civilian feel when our help needs help? It brings a human element to even Superman.

I stop and think.
That could have been me.

I shopped there every weekend. Doctor Johnson's office was in the Lincoln Building, just blocks away, 60 E 42nd St, New York, NY 10165. My cousin Tracy, her usual late self, was fifteen minutes late for work, riding on the subway, when the first tower was hit. She saw the flames as she emerged from the tunnel. Can you imagine? Some of us don't have to -we have lost loved ones, friends, acquaintances in this tragedy.

I remember pulling out my cell phone, frantically trying to contact my family members. "Emergency Calls Only" flashed on my Cingular screen. This was an emergency. I couldn't get through to anyone. Little did I know, my mother was trying to call me, too. They paged me to the office, and I got to speak to her. Tears of relief. Some of us weren't so lucky. Two Middle Eastern girls lost their father.

I can't believe this happened in my lifetime. Older people talk about the wars, the momentous events that took place in their youth, their adulthood even. I lived to see a terrorist attack. I experienced it. I felt the devastation! This is terrifying.

People run to this country to escape the terrorism they experience in their own homelands. Where do we run to? My eyes have been opened, and I have experienced an epiphany of a magnitude that may never happen again. This country is flawed. This world is flawed, and convoluted.

Oh my God. I just watched the second plane actually fly into building two. Bathroom.

The only way this world will be saved from certain destruction, is if each individual realizes that there is no issue big enough for mass murder. There is no conflict that can justify the death of mothers, fathers, children. None.

We are fighting a war that will never bring victory. We are living in a time when one man and his colleagues can determine the destiny, more like fate of other human beings. How do we stop this? We stop this by being aware.

No longer can we walk around blindly living our lives, not realizing that are lives are being lived for us. Choices are being made for us. One day we will all wake up and someone else will be deciding what we wear, where we go - who we talk to. Then, it will be too late.

I look around at my peers and notice that not many of them talk about politics. I wonder how many of them realize that politics are what caused 9/11, politics are what will cause the next great catastrophe. Next time, they may not be blessed enough to be at home watching it on t.v. - they may be right in the middle.

Wake up, people. This is real.
New York til I die. "

Ugh. That still shakes me to this day. Nevertheless - proud to say I lived through such a momentous event. I appreciate life that much more {{stretches arms to capacity}}