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| Image Via ForRefugees.com |
I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was in NY, fighting to see Bar in the hospital when I got the phone call.
"Your uncle C. died," my mom said.
How? I asked.
"He hung himself today."
I broke down instantly. Deep down in my heart, I always feared that it would happen. He was ill, paranoid, schizophrenic for a few years. It grew progressively worse as time wore on - until one day it happened. My aunt found him in the basement in the worst way ever - hanging from a pipe. The visual alone made me lose the little bit of sleep I got for months. I couldn't even imagine how she felt, or my little cousin who lost his father. Half his immediate family was gone.
My aunt tried everything she could for him. Calling the suicide hotline to come to their home in Queens - but if he didn't want help, they couldn't force him. The sickness had taken full control of his brain, he'd threaten to kill himself - he'd be enraged for hours. All we could do was pray.
Suicide is a cloud that follows me every once in a while. I've been in that place before. I lost my virginity at 12 in such a traumatic way. I didn't know what to do with myself - I wanted that day to come where I wouldn't wake up. I contemplated ways to make it happen. God saved me. My family couldn't understand what was wrong; I didn't want to go out, didn't want to eat. Refused to wear the clothes my mom would buy me. Flannel shirts and oversized jeans were my wardrobe for months. I was so young and naive, I had no clue that there was help for how I felt. Even my "best friend" ridiculed me for my behavior. Luckily that feeling subsided. For many, it never does.
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| Photo Via AllHipHop.com |
Chris Lighty's death sparked a huge debate on the severity of depression and suicide. He had recently divorced his wife, as well as the five million dollars in tax debt he was alleged to be in. I can imagine the overwhelming feelings that came over him - not to mention being diagnosed with depression. Many people don't feel that the disease is legitimate, and that's because they've never experienced it. Some of us have support systems and the strength to pull out of that world, but others are not as blessed. To hear people judge him for taking his life made me sick to my stomach. Suicide is not always a cowardly act, it is one of sickness. Instead of pointing a finger, why not reach out a hand to help pull them up? No one has the right to judge but GOD - and he takes care of the ill. Therefore if this man was right with his maker, he is in heaven where he belongs. I am repulsed by anyone who casts stones at others, when they live in foggy glass houses.
I just wish everyone realized that it gets better. I've been down hard roads before, and once I pushed through it - the victory was so worth it. There are groups and centers available that cater to those in need of friends or a helping hand.
If you feel like you need help, or know someone at risk of suicide, please see the links below as well as the phone numbers...
National Suicide Numbers: http://suicidehotlines.com/
Considering Suicide? - Please call us | yourlifeyourvoice.org
www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/
Suicide Prevention | DBSAlliance.org
www.dbsalliance.org/Learn Warning Signs, Treatment Facts & More. We're Here To Help!Considering Suicide? | ContactWeCare.org
www.contactwecare.org/When You Need Someone to Listen - Someone to Care, Give Us a CallIt gets better...
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