Blockin'

It's been a while, I know. 

A while back, I had to block someone from my life. Not because he was creepy. Not because he continued to pursue, despite having a family at home. I did it because he reminded me of my father. Now, I don't usually blog about my family issues, because home stays at home. However, it's my blog - and I'm pretty sure my pops will never read this. 

The fact that my ex could impregnate someone not long after we stopped seeing each other made me laugh. It showed me that I was being negligent, foolish and what some would call naive. I allowed him to do what he wanted while I wasted my time only seeing him for about six months. 

I discovered that he had a live-in girlfriend, and even after I stopped dating him - I felt compelled to keep socializing with him. He brought me no financial gain, so I'm not really sure why. In a sense, I felt bad for him. The psychology major in me wanted to find the root cause to his stupidity and propose a solution to it. Eventually I concluded that it would be a cold day in hell before that happened. I gave up and started removing him from my social media platforms. If we are to be friends - I need honesty. He couldn't even give me that. 

After finally remembering to block him everywhere, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I will not be that woman that your girlfriend finds in your phone; her number laden with messages of what you want to do with her, to her. I lost desire for the man years ago,  so it really wouldn't have mattered - but my karmic energy relies on being true to myself. I wasn't. I was being an enabler for no other reason other than feeling pity for him. For what? As he sleeps comfortably next to the woman he pretended to loathe. Or maybe he does loathe her. Who gives a shit? 

Anyway, life is good. The lesson I taught myself that day was simple. Just as you shouldn't block your blessings, you should block your curses just as hard. Pushing him out of my life made way for people who deserved to be back in it. I'm so glad for that. 

Review: Bankruptcy Recovery Expectations: What You Can Expect During the Bankruptcy Recovery Process and What Comes After Bankruptcy is Over[Kindle Edition]

Bankruptcy Recovery Expectations: What You Can Expect During the Bankruptcy Recovery Process and What Comes After Bankruptcy is Over[Kindle Edition]

Disclosure: I got this product as part of an advertorial.

I actually have my parents reading this book, because they are currently paying on a bankruptcy. It is a great resource for those approaching bankruptcy, allowing for preparation before, during and after. The book also shows that there is life after bankruptcy, giving hope to many.

It was an easy read in the e-book format, and although I'm not currently going through this issue it was good information. I would suggest this book to anyone expecting bankruptcy as the next step to financial repair. 

You can find the book here

I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

Red Leaf's White Matcha Tea For Energy

If you are experiencing low energy, you may be looking for alternatives to your average energy drink. Green tea is a natural energy booster with lots of added health benefits. Matcha tea is the powdered version that's green tea and loaded with what you need to get that engine running.   I had the pleasure of receiving Red Leaf's White Matcha Tea for review.

* Disclosure: I got this product as part of an advertorial. *

On a regular basis, I enjoy tea as a breakfast drink. I will also drink it when I am not feeling well, for a common ailments such as menstrual cramps and stomach aches. As we all know, green tea has notably more caffeine than coffee. If you are looking for the light taste of green tea, but not all the caffeine, white tea is for you. Coffee in drinkable form lacks most of the medicinal benefits that white tea offers. White Tea:

• Is antioxidant rich (kills free radicals)
• Boosts energy
• Reduces certain cancer risks
• Contains only 1% caffeine content of coffee
• Many more

I am typically a tea bag kind of girl (pun intended), but this White Matcha tea proved easy to use. The powder dissolved nicely in hot water, and the remaining sediment settled at the bottom of the cup without disturbing me as I sipped. My tea tasted light and pleasant, so much that I didn't need any sort of sweeteners.   I sipped it throughout my morning at work and felt steady energy up until lunch time. I didn't get the spike that coffee often brings. If I had a matcha whisk, I don't know what it would have done to make the experience any better. It tasted good and went down smooth - that's all I needed.

My next cup will include a little honey for sweetness, but it needs nothing more. I definitely suggest Red Leaf's White Matcha Tea if you love tea like I do.

You can get Red Leaf White Matcha Tea Here

And here

What do you drink to get your day started?

Note: I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

PostPartum Compression - Aggressive Waist Training

I've graduated from compression wear to aggressive waist training (aka Corset Training), since the compression gear I was previously using is now too big. The post below is from my website - VForVadge.com

In honor of International Women's Day, I am continuing my posts on PostPartum Compression Wear. Today we will talk about Aggressive Waist Trainers. You may see them all over your Instagram, Twitter and Facebook timelines and wonder "how do they work?" 

This is not a new concept, and we've discussed it before on a previous article - modern designers have simply put a practical spin on things. Belly wraps were initially used for patients with back pain, and later for recovering liposuction patients. The compression helps to improve posture by increasing abdominal support. 

See my previous Compression Wear Post Here

I have since shrunken out of my compression body suit and waist band, and graduated to an aggressive waist trainer. This trainer contains boning, like a corset (because it is one) and creates an hourglass shape by slowly shrinking the waistline. I chose the aggressive latex vest, because I can exercise in it and sweat out all the toxins absorbed throughout the day. 

Me Without the Vest - 34"

So far, my waist measures at 34" without the vest. With the vest on, it is already at 32" which means that in a few weeks my actual waist will shrink to that size. 

Excuse my mom's sewing room...

Typically, results are seen in 1-2 weeks - proper eating and hydration are crucial for optimal results. I will be packing light snacks for my days in the office, and drinking water throughout the day. My mom is even doing it! 

Totally undetectable under clothes...

Oh yeah, and it has helped dramatically with my back issues (I've been rear-ended twice in three years) by supporting my abs and improving my posture. Even without it on, I find myself pulling my abs in and sitting up straight.

Stay tuned for updates, and feel free to email me with any questions - sn3akrfr3akr@gmail.com :)  

Rekindling an Old Flame...

I have a few moments in the hustle and bustle - I am way overdue to blog on my personal page. 

So, a couple months have passed since we started up this old machine again, and I must say - it's been nice. I can't pretend as though I never thought about getting in contact with you, it's been over two years since we stopped "knowing" each other. What a strange feeling when everything that you know starts to change...

I'd hear about little things in your life as time passed, and I wondered how you were handling life without me there. We had our fights and break ups, but never that long - and I missed being able to call you or show up at your house for no reason. You can make new friends, but you can NEVER replace the old ones. When I found out you were pregnant and not too far behind mine, I was happy and sad in one; I wasn't going to be there to participate with you. I couldn't even find the guts to congratulate. It was a hodgepodge of feelings - who knew you felt the same way.

Time heals so many wounds; it grows grass over uprooted trees, sprouts flowers out of compost and brings the sun out again and again. Regardless of why or how we stopped knowing each other, time and God have brought us back again - on fresh soil. With two little babies that look just like us, who would have thought? I think it's way past time, and I'm certainly glad the past is behind us. I look forward to starting over again and getting to know the people we've become. It feels good to have a familiar face in the crowd. Never mind what the rest are doing or saying - that never mattered anyway. We've got bigger and better priorities now, and it's gonna be an adventure to see how they grow and unfold. 

I'm sure the streets will be watching... 

How to Use a Masturbation Sleeve (+playlist)

It's not often that I share items from my website - but I figure this is universal (and you guys are my blog fam). One of my how-to videos instructing the use of a male sleeve. Take a look :) 

http://vforvadge.com

Compression Wear for New Moms

It is said that a woman must allow herself the same duration that she was pregnant to lose the pregnancy weight. Four months into motherhood, and losing the baby weight was a breeze. Getting rid of this pooch, however,  has proven to be a longer lasting task.

All Carib and Latina women know about "faja's," they're the shapers that older moms stuffed themselves into to preserve their sexy. I always thought they were genius contraptions,  and now I have called upon their wonders to help me along this journey.

The easiest form of faja is the unitard. It holds you in everywhere. Now, if you have a large stomach it cannot hide it - but it does smooth out the appearance. This is also beneficial after a c-section as it helps to hold your tender organs in place. The panty-like closure is more comfortable for c-section moms because the pressure is displaced evenly. I'll talk about waist shapers at another time.

Compression helps curb your hunger, as well as flatten your tummy while you get back into the groove of daily functions. It is a lifesaver when getting in and out of bed, because you are able to move without clutching your stomach all the time. It saved my life during the first few weeks home with baby.

The best part is, it's undetectable under your clothes. The healing process is your business alone. No one needs to comment on your methods or judge you for them. Check out my pictures and you'll understand.

I hope to start more rigorous ab work this week, but my incision is still healing so I have to be careful. I am in no rush, as my husband and I are enjoying the new hips and butt I have gained through pregnancy. It offsets the stomach, lol

My "GetThisCrapOuttaMyFridge" Shepherd's Pie Recipe

I've always been inclined to eat clean, but every so often I look for a somewhat healthy indulgence. Especially now that I'm trying to get back to my pre-baby body.

This is a quick recipe for Shepherd's Pie that you can use to clear out the holiday leftovers from your fridge. It came in handy for Thanksgiving, and it's definitely gonna work for Christmas. Be sure to modify to suit your ingredients; if you have cranberry sauce, it may work too! 

Pre- Heat your oven to 350 before starting the creation process. 

Step 1. Potato

• I prefer the nutritional qualities of sweet potato, so I used it in place of mashed regular potato.
• To save time, I rinsed my sweet potatoes and covered them in damp paper towels. Microwave each one for 4min on one side. When you stab them with a fork, it should go right through. 
• Add butter (I used whipped) and brown sugar, then mash.

Step 2 - Meat

I like Chuck, because it's lean but won't dry out during cooking. Season to taste, cook then add as the bottom layer of your pan.

Step 3: Leftovers

My weapon of choice was stuffing. You can add whatever's in the fridge that may taste good.

Layer on top of your meat.

Step 4: Add Potato Layer

Step 5: Cornbread

Most recipes make the potato the top layer, but I figured the cornbread would add some structure to the dish.

Step 6: Cheese

Shred the cheese of your choice on top. 

Place in the oven and bake for 15 minutes. Basically, whatever the cooking instructions are on the cornbread - do that. The other ingredients are already cooked, so you want to make sure the cornbread ingredients are baked fully. 

Step 7: Remove, Enjoy! 

This is my favorite part, lol

I paired it with a bit of fresh kale with Thousand Island dressing. Protein, carbs and fiber - three great weight loss components. 

I hope this helps give you some ideas for your holiday leftovers. Nothing needs to go to waste, but everything should be delicious! 

Sadderday...

Until February 14th, I have to come into the office on Saturdays.  I don't mind it,  I get time to work on my personal business endeavors. I know exactly why I'm here.

I take the stairs every time I need to go up for something,  as my fake workout. Leg lifts on the way up, lol. Crunches on the way down.  I refuse to buy into that "I work in an office" weight gain crap.

I do miss being able to relax with my family on a Saturday morning,  but I'm more productive mentally when I'm not distracted at home.  At least here, I have to sit at my desk. Kimi: 1, ADHD: 0.

Kinda.

I need a red stapler.

Re-Lactation

This chapter of my life is called "Re-Lactation." Going back to work two weeks after Baby A was born really gave a blow to my milk supply. It has slowly dwindled down, despite my pumping efforts at the office. Now, I start my journey to get it back - and I'd love to share it with you guys.

I've been to my lactation consultant so many times in the past couple months, crying and looking for solutions. I've tried a few things, including Fenugreek - which I'll discuss on a separate post.

Yesterday,  she suggested more frequent pumping,  even when no milk is collected.  I'm starting out with five minutes per session on both breasts. Gradually,  I hope to see some effects.

It's going to take at least a month to get back to exclusive breast feeding (EBF for all the mommy linguists out there), but I'm ready for the challenge.  I've been this patient - why stop now?

As I go along, I'll feature the techniques I'm being taught and my feedback on each one. I know there are moms struggling with the same issue who do not have access to the support or resources.  You should not be deprived,  and hopefully my story will be of some assistance.

Keep in mind that results vary - what works for me may not work for others and vice versa. The hope is to stimulate interest in relactation for mothers who are looking to try. Don't be discouraged!!

Welp, my pump break is over - back to work I go...

Fear of Failure...

One of my worst fears is that I'll be an inadequate mother.

I say this as I hold my electric breast pump and type at the same time. 

All I hear from my friends and family is about how I'm going to be a great mom. But, how can I be - when I struggle to even provide the basic need of sustenance?

You see, I started having problems with the baby latching on from the first week she was born. I was discharged from the hospital and went home to fend for myself - for the both of us, without the assistance of nurses. Due to the unexpected events of my childbirth, I was dead set in my mind on strictly breast feeding for at least six months. God had other plans, however. After the first few days of Baby A sucking the life out of them, my nipples became sore and cracked. I couldn't take the pain any longer, so I was forced to send Hubby out at 2am for formula.

I was devastated. 

While my nipples were relieved, I felt like a complete failure. I have heard of women having so many issues with lactation, but I hoped it missed me. I had this notion that my ample breasts wouldn't have any trouble feeding a tiny little baby every day. WRONG. The baby wasn't latching properly, therefore not receiving as much food as she should have been. I then realized that I'd have to supplement my breast milk with formula. Great.

I was determined not to give up. I packed up the baby and drove to my nearest WIC office - where I know a lactation consultant is available - free of charge. I had no idea I'd be in her office, breasts out with a naked baby - practicing skin to skin. An hour later, I walked out feeling like a champ. She was so reassuring and patient, and told me not to give up. I went home with the resolve that I could do it.



These days are hit or miss. Most times she gets on with success, other times she fights me off or is too frustrated to stay on. It has saddened me on more than one occasion to the point of tears. Hubby has reassured me that I'm doing a good job, but in the back of my mind I feel horrible. Why can't I perfect this? 

I've been back at work for almost two weeks, and it hurt me to have to leave my baby at almost four weeks old to go back. She's in safe hands with family, but I wanted the time to bond with her and watch her grow. Now I'm forced to pump at work, just to keep my milk in existence. I went to my secret location and found someone already there, pumping milk like me! It motivated me to want to keep going, and eventually wean her off the formula completely. 

My former boss gave me a great book that really helped me keep my sanity. "The Nursing Mother's Companion" basically walks you through all the potential scenarios that can happen while nursing. It has detailed drawings of how to get baby to latch on, which saved me. I will never give mine away, but I wanted to share the love. 

It's not perfect yet, but we're getting there. Sometimes she pulls herself off then gets mad because she's not eating. Both of us are learning a lesson in patience. Sometimes (especially at night) I feel like giving up, then I look into those little grey eyes and remember that this is what I'm here for...

"Pregnancy Woahs..."

These past few days have truly been a wake up call; I am about to be a mother. If ever this child would get here. Unbeknownst to most, I have been in the hospital for three days trying to be induced. Baby A doesn't seem to want to come out on her own, and my vagina decided that it doesn't want to loosen up and let her out. The past few days have really put life into perspective once again for me - and reminded me that "when man ah plan, God ah laugh."

Not only have I not dilated, my body is soaking up the meds like a sponge. The Pitocin everyone talks about as throwing them into crazy contractions barely got my pain threshold over 5, and I ended up maxing out on the highest dosage. The doctor has since taken me off, and I am now hoping that nature takes its course.

It's been an overwhelming few days, none of which I expected to take place. I packed a bag and expected to be walking out with a baby by now. WRONG. I thought I was going all natural - WRONG. I thought I was having an average sized baby - definitely WRONG. While I appreciate the love and concern - I've been so  overwhelmed by calls and texts asking if the baby has been born. I had to fall off the grid and find solace once again in my little ol' blog. Thank you guys for being silent eyes and ears.

This time alone has given me an opportunity to reflect on the past few weeks. I'm married now - and Hubby has been so awesome through this whole pregnancy. I have been blessed to have an easy pregnancy up to this point, and having a great man by my side has truly been an honor. We got a little flack for our fake eloping, but honestly - the union is only about two people. The major wedding is in the works, I hope everyone can be patient enough to wait until 2014!

It took me forever to post this - baby A is almost two weeks old already! New post coming soon :)

Countdown to Baby...

I've been missing in action, I know - but it's all for good reason! So far, we've managed to pull together a baby shower amidst so much chaos as well as bring a new family member into the home. Our new family dog Ernge (New Orleans slang for Orange) has come in and made his way into our hearts. He's a one year-old Pit/Lab mix, a softie at heart - but a great protector for the household. Right now, we're trying to get him used to the scents of the baby items as well as my belly - in the hopes that he'll love and protect Azalea just the way he does to us (minus the drool). So far, so good.

My days have been filled with work, school and baby preparation. Getting her room ready is next, we'll be starting the decoration process once the crib arrives and I am extremely excited to see how everything pans out. My sister in law, Emma created some lovely decorations that were initially for the baby shower, but we decided to save them from being damaged and place them in the nursery. It's going to be so dope. 

Anyway - I'll be back this week with more thoughts and posts. I think my hiatus is over!

Welcome Mr. Ernge :)

Jin 'N' Juice - nothing like family 

Bubble gum cigar favors...

Cupcake bouquets, courtesy of CousinJin

Rest - at last.

The Power of Talking to Baby...

Sitting in the library, reading what should be my notes for class tomorrow. I ran across an article in the New York Times that discusses the importance of talking to your fetus, infant, child. This is a practice I took on at an early age with my little sister. Even though she was deaf until the age of two, we'd get into spirited debates with her about politics, the weather, food - you name it. Almost thirteen years later, she's one of the brightest, most intelligent children I know. Her tone is impeccable (with the exception of her NewYorkJamaicanDominican accent); something that is uncommon in the deaf community. As soon as her Cochlear was turned on, we were having full blown conversations about her day or the color of her clothes, or my father's beard. I know this was integral in her growth and development, no matter how trivial people may have thought it was at the time. 

The article stresses the importance of "Family conversation," and describes the difference between families on welfare and higher earning families in the way they interact with their children. 

    "The disparity was staggering. Children whose families were on welfare heard about 600

Aunty, Uncle and Baby Nas...

words per hour. Working-class children heard 1,200 words per hour, and children from professional families heard 2,100 words. By age 3, a poor child would have heard 30 million fewer words in his home environment than a child from a professional family. And the disparity mattered: the greater the number of words children heard from their parents or caregivers before they were 3, the higher their IQ and the better they did in school. TV talk not only didn’t help, it was detrimental."

Coming from a lower-middle class family, we never experienced this issue. My parents were educated, higher educated, then educated again in America. They encouraged us with conversation and made sure we spoke proper English in the home. We didn't receive welfare, so maybe this played a part - but they provided us with books and limited our TV time. Creativity was fostered through toys and time with friends. We turned out pretty good.

Daddy & Baby time... 

At work, some of my co-workers don't seem to grasp the concepts I'm talking about. When Baby kicks, I talk to my belly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to jerk like that" or "I know, I'm hungry too!" At this stage in prenatal development, the baby is beginning to recognize our voices and hear sounds. I find it very important to let Baby know I'm here at all times. I said something to my belly one day, and a co-worker said, "Will you stop being a first-time mother already?" She's the same one who told me she wasn't excited about her first pregnancy. I wonder what her children are like. Conversely, my also pregnant co-worker talks to her tummy, too! She's due with her second child any day now. Pretty sure her kid's a smart one. 

     "Hart and Risley later wrote that children’s level of language development starts to level off when it matches that of their parents — so a language deficit is passed down through

generations. They found that parents talk much more to girls than to boys (perhaps because girls are more sociable, or because it is Mom who does most of the care, and parents talk more to children of their gender). This might explain why young, poor boys have particular trouble in school. And they argued that the disparities in word usage correlated so closely with academic success that kids born to families on welfare do worse than professional-class children entirely because their parents talk to them less. In other words, if everyone talked to their young children the same amount, there would be no racial or socioeconomic gap at all. (Some other researchers say that while word count is extremely important, it can’t be the only factor.)"

I can attest to this comparison, as I know plenty of kids I grew up with whose parents barely spoke to them. If it wasn't to chastise or threaten, it was very little conversation. My mother and I would sit and have senseless conversation all the time, in addition to the intellectual chatter. My brother and I excelled in school (with the exception of math - I suck at math) and I graduated with honors courses in High School. Most of the kids I grew up with either dropped out or never pursued college education. 

Maybe their mothers didn't talk to their bellies, either. Hmmm... 

Sources:

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/04/10/the-power-of-talking-to-your-baby/?src=me&ref=general 

Motherhood and Other Such Things.

When I say these past few weeks have been hectic - I mean it! Graduation is slowly approaching, so I have been bogged down with papers and presentations and case studies, etc. My fatigue is returning in waves; I get tired like every other day and have to sneak out of the office for a quick nap. We're finally moving - and I remember what I loathed about that act in the first place; packing. Grandma's ashes have made their arrival to Florida - her first time here. I've already put my bid in for split custody of her with my mom, it may sound morbid but I'd really appreciate her spirit around me right now. I am overwhelmed with emotions and tasks to complete - and it's only Monday! 

Friday made my 20th week - which in non-pregnant terms means my fifth month. I'm halfway through my pregnancy and more anxious than ever. I fear miscarriage with a passion that seeps into my bones, and I've been doing my best to stay happy and light on my feet. It's hard to do that when you're a 25 year-old woman on the go. I work full time, go to school and pursue my goals all at the same time. If I feel a cramp, I worry. Thank God for Hubby, who reads What to Expect like it's the Bible right now; he knows more about my pregnant body than I do! He's there to reassure me that pain is a natural part of the process, as are a lot of the other changes I'm experiencing. He even compliments me on my appearance, which has changed drastically from the gym rat I used to be. You can see what's left of my abdominal muscles melting into my pelvis there. I actually embrace my pregnant self, but can't help but remember what used to be. However - I love these new hips I've got and can't wait to get back into the gym and get it all right! 

Today's events in Boston brought me back to a solemn place. It reminded me of 9/11 and the panic we went through that day and the days to follow. The news coverage today shook me,

because it was just last weekend that my brother and I were in Boston on a layover to New York for Grandma's sunset. We sat and talked about how beautiful Boston was, despite being avid Yankee fans. Seeing the blood on the streets was terrifying, and the lives lost are irreplaceable. As the days pass, I'm sure we will find out who is responsible for these senseless bombings, and I fear what comes next. I will continue to hug my family tighter and be aware of my surroundings. We cannot live in fear, but simply appreciate the days we have on this earth and the nights we lay our heads safely at home. I just can't believe I was that close to the danger. Again. God is good. 

I count my blessings again today. I thank God for life. Every problem I feel is so big has been minimized to nothing. I will conquer it with His will. 

In good news, we find out Baby's gender on Wednesday! We have an idea of what he/she is - but it's better not to guess. I can't wait to finally know for sure - stay tuned! 

Mommy Brain...

With all that has happened in the past few weeks, I must say my plate is full. Finding a home for us and baby, losing my grandmother, juggling my workload and school - I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I've managed to keep calm and thug it out, but deep down inside I want to go somewhere far and be quiet. I know just the place...

I've got quite a few fears that I don't speak about. My usual mode of operation is to play it cool and panic when I'm alone. This condo search was a wild goose chase, and now that we're on the final stretch to a new home I pray hard that everything runs smoothly. Spinning around in that living room today really brought me to reality.

I'm having a baby.

Which brings me to my next fear. Miscarriage. I don't even want to harp on this topic, but all I do these days are make sure I'm well fed, well rested and as happy as I can be. I haven't been told by the doctor that I'm at any risk at all, but considering the events of the past few years I am just terrified of this word. I know, however, that it's all in God's hands and he has protected us all thus far. All I can do is continue to trust in him and live life accordingly. 

Grandma wasn't here to meet Baby, or see me graduate or get married. It devastated me to know these things would not come to pass before her eyes - and each is only in a matter of months!

Gender in two weeks, the suspense is maddening! 

Life is truly a blessing. Cherish it! 

My history...

My future...

Nesting.

Me. Maternity Pillow. Movie. 

I'm a social being. I enjoy being out with friends, family and good company overall. On a normal weekend, there's nothing I want more than to be out and about at the local art gallery or a late night sushi spot - or even just a drive to nowhere. Since "catching" pregnant (as my friends say), however - my priorities have shifted a bit.

Most nights, especially weeknights - I enjoy coming home to a clean quiet house and unwinding before bed. Sometimes, I enjoy the company of myself and the little flickers in my tummy before Boyfriend comes home. I call this chapter of my life "Nesting," simply because it seems that I'm preparing for the stage when it will just be me, Boyfriend and Baby in the comfort of our own space and solace. I look forward to these days. 

Unfortunately, some people don't understand this concept. As a Cancer, I tend to sense the feelings of others before they even say anything; I know I can't expect that from others. Some human beings are so engrossed in their own pleasures and enjoyments that they completely bypass the considerations and feelings of others. This is an issue I'm having right now with specific individuals. Even when I voice my opinions, thoughts and feelings - they continue to do what they'd like. All the while not realizing that when a mother lion feels threatened or irritated, her fangs will show. I'm nearing that point. 

Lol, if I'm not there already. 

I guess it's a feeling you don't fully understand until you're in it. Considering that I've raised everyone else's children, I tend to have an inside view on motherhood that I can't really explain. I understand certain things. The feeling of losing your baby. The concern about having a healthy pregnancy. Wanting to protect your loved ones. Simply wanting to be alone. I get touched by co-workers all day at work, so I can only hope that when I say I don't like it - my own loved ones will respect that. 

Hope is just a dream sometimes, though. Grrrr...

Ciara - "Body Party" Preview

When Ciara comes back out, she usually comes hard. Considering that Ghost Town DJ's "My Boo" is one of my ultimate bounce classic songs, this really did something for me. As soon as the intro comes in, you feel the song pulsating in the back of your mind. Definitely a good look for Ci-Ci. 



Now I want to pop and grind all over the place - something I've got nooo business doing right about now, lol. This is definitely a song for the whip though, Bose bass sounds incredible with Bounce music! 

14.

14 Weeks. Sheesh! 

You've got fingernails, and hair all over. You're squinching your little eyes when I poke you - yeah, I'm kind of annoying. Three more weeks and we meet again. I can't wait! Watching you kick and squirm around was amazing. I understand why people want to touch me now - you've created some sort of aura that I can't explain. 

No nausea, fatigue is gone - and this maternity pillow has been giving me life! The second trimester really is pretty dope so far. If you can keep this up, we might make you a sibling next year, lol. 

Just kidding. 

Anyway - that is all for now. I'm going to find something to feast on before bed. And pop these TUMS like candy. Tomorrow, we're back to work! 

The Wonders of Life

I tell ya, facing the prospects of death make life seem that much more precious. This weekend, we endured a health scare with my Grandma. My Grandma and I have come a long way from where we once were. She was this miserable old woman who I did not look forward to being around when I was growing up. As time passed and I became more mature, that woman imparted some serious wisdom upon me. My brother and I would spend weekends in Queens and her and I'd lay up in bed just talking until she dozed off. My insomnia would keep me awake, and I'd listen to her boring talk radio shows til sunup. I'll never forget those nights.

In my adult life, I've spent hours talking with my grandma; lotioning her little hands and legs for her when arthritis wouldn't let her do it on her own. She makes dirty little jokes now, when she wouldn't even look at a couple kissing years before. You see, I think my grandmother used to loathe living. At a certain point in her life she just existed and wished to die. She'd gripe and complain about aches and pains and hoped that God would take her away. Then, one day we decided to throw her a surprise party. All of us flew in from our respective states and screamed (gently) as she slowly walked into the back yard. We ate, we laughed, we joked and shared photos. Grandma yelled out "Lawd (Lord), mi nuh wah dead again! Dis nice!" It literally brought a tear to my eye. From that day forward, she was a little better.

And better, and better. Now I don't even think she remembers those days. And I'm glad she doesn't. Each year she gets a little funnier, a little more jovial, more lighthearted and positive. When I told her I was pregnant - I flew up to NY just to deliver the news. It was something I wanted to feel; a reaction I wanted to see for myself. I had to bring Boyfriend with me to join in on the excitement. She didn't chastise me or try to shame me. Her eyes grew wide (and we all know how chinky they are) and she gasped! Asked me if I was happy, asked me if he's a good man. Threatened him with violence if he doesn't take care of me. I was overfilled with joy.

The day she went into the hospital with heart failure was a major blow for me. Mommy took my latest ultrasound and showed it to her. Said, "you've got to be strong for the baby." Her first great grandchild. An amazing victory for a woman who didn't fully enjoy life until her later years. Afraid that we'd grow up to be "cruffs" or no-goods. Look at us now, Grandma! College grads, sorority sisters, businessmen, military veterans - soon to be mother. You did good. Don't worry. Nuh worry yuh head, we ah go behave!

Life, I tell ya. I appreciate it more and more as the sun rises each day. You just never know what's next.