Girl Code - What NOT to Do After a Breakup...

I'm taking a much needed 15minute break from my studying and I figured I'd use it for good instead of evil. As us young people know, "Cuffing Season" starts this month, and there will be a lot of breakups and make ups going on within this time. For those who live under a social rock, "(hand)Cuffing Season" is the time after summer where people prepare for the winter cold by selecting a dating partner to keep them warm. This often means fall-winter hookups that end when spring and summer begin - but they often lead into actual relationships. 

Within this time, there will be a lot of breakups. Boyfriends may see other females that catch their eye, girlfriends may see guys with more to offer than just hard dick and bubble gum. Sometimes, we're just plain old tired of the person we're dating. It happens. What I tend to see during Cuffing Season are tons of bitter women (guys too) sulking and pouting, stomping around making senseless noise. Here are a few rules to live by:



1. DO NOT run to Facebook and air out your relationship. 
       This usually backfires. I am so tired of seeing people (tagged and untagged) being put out with the laundry; all their personal business on display for intentional public humiliation. Not only is this extremely spiteful, it's really lame. If you can't talk about it in private - please don't talk about it on the internet. 

2. On the Rebound? Be Tactful.  
      There's nothing wrong with changing your Facebook status to "Single,"nothing wrong with posting pics of you and the girls on Ladies' Night looking fab. Where the line gets blurred is the females who start posting slutty pics and raunchy status posts to gain attention. Are you really going to find someone that respects you by doing all that? You end up looking desperate, and attracting all kind of internet creeps who'll pretend to like you just to get your coo cat. Save the pics for private use. 

Now is not the time to live out your "ratchet," tasteless fantasies in the club. Don't start making out with strangers, dry humping on the dance floor or getting pissy wasted so your homegirls have to drag you home. 

Casual sex with every guy you've ever liked is NEVER a good idea. Think about your reputation and your health. Last thing you want is a HOE title at the end of your name. 

3. Subliminals. Stop it. 
      Sending jabs to your ex on the sly is just wrong (see Rule #1). Especially if the people in your social network know who he/she is. There's nothing wrong with a song dedication or two, but when you're writing lovelorn crybaby posts all day - people are going to take you off their news feed. 

4. Take Time to Utilize Your Friends
   This is the reason you never abandon your homeys for a significant other. If it doesn't work out, you've always got your friends to vent to. Take a few days to go out with them, have fun living the single life. It may be hard at first, but if you've got other single friends there's plenty out there to do. Hell, if all your friends are taken, they've gotta have some single friends! 

5. Get to Know Yourself!
     Here is prime time to get familiar with who you are. Relationships often take our personalities and mold them with the personality of whoever we're with at the time. Especially if your relationship lasted for a year or more - there are certain routines and behaviors you've adapted. Time to get rid of those things and get back to yourself. Remember what makes you laugh, cry and annoyed. Build your confidence back up before you jump back out into the dating world. You owe it to yourself and the new person you may meet along the way. 

Last but not least:
6. Leave the Baggage at the Airport
    The Golden Rule of Dating is to never bring your pain from an old relationship into your new one. This breeds resentment towards your new partner, which is unfair for him/her. During your time alone, you're more than welcome to weed out the minor details that you could have changed. 

Did you contribute enough to groceries? Did you get a little lazy? Were you a nag? Chronic complainer? Things like that can be helpful to a new relationship, but major issues like cheating, death, abuse, family dislikes can seriously hinder you from finding something great. Just because your mother didn't like your last boyfriend doesn't mean this one shouldn't be introduced to her. Maybe she just knew he was a jerk. And since your ex girlfriend cheated with your whole basketball team - that doesn't mean the new girlfriend will. For all you know, this young lady may have been waiting for a man who would respect her body as well as her mind. Never ASSume. 

Coming from a chick who's been in that single rut before - I can spot a bitter woman or a hurt man from a mile away. Not too many people are trying to adopt the wounded animal from the shelter. Nothing wrong with a dog who limps, though - that's a sign of strength and endurance. Take what you've learned from your past and build a better future, don't wallow in your wounds. 

Take my rules and run with them - I promise you'll have a very productive Cuff Season! God speed my lovelies! 

9.11.2001. One Day After.

Usually I have a September 11th post on the day of - but this year I decided to wait a day. Sentimental reasons.

New York will forever be my lifeline. As I spend months away from home, I get incredibly sad and hungry for the smoggy air, the honking taxi horns, the shadows of high-rises cast onto the streets. I haven't been home since June and it's driving me nuts. I long to hear the giggles of my siblings, my God Daughter asking to watch Alice in Wonderland for the 50th time, rocking my God Son to sleep as I look out their Bronx apartment window. What would happen if I was deprived of that? Why would someone want to take that from me? From us? 

My God Daughter, K 

As I get older, I hear the conspiracy theories and they make me sick. To think that a human being would plan to kill thousands of people for their own guilty pleasure. Regardless of whether I agree with what people do or believe - I could never take another life. It hurts to think of how close I've come to losing crucial members of my life on one fateful day. 

My 12 year-old sister lives in New York, and she told me yesterday that she's afraid to fly to Florida because of 9/11. She's finally old enough to view the event and grasp what actually happened. What do I tell her for reassurance? It'll never happen again? 

Most of my trips to NY these days are geared towards giving the kids authentic New York City experiences. Bronx Zoo, Central Park, Times Square, Coney Island. Should I be fearful of taking them on these adventures? As a New Yorker I was raised to be fearless - to do what I wanted when and if I wanted, but to be aware of my surroundings at all times. I won't start now, and I'm working to implement that same level of fearlessness in my siblings. Take care when you go out. 

Guard your purse. Look before you cross the street. The word Terrorist will never come up in those conversations.  I love my "kids" too much to have them living in fear. No matter what the future holds.

My Littles at Central Park Zoo

My city is beautiful. It's dirty, it's grungy, it's concrete. Somehow, in the middle of all that trees grow, flowers bloom - children play. Terrorists don't want to see that. They don't want to hear the music blaring from a local bodega, or the bustle of people shopping on Fordham road. Why should we give them what they want - when they took so much from us? 

New Yorkers are never scared. If we can live in our mean streets with our heads up - we can survive anything. 

9.11.01. Lest we forget...

 View my previous September 11th Posts Here. And Here. 

Leaps of Faith...

The past few months have been crazy for me; leaving my job, starting my first legitimate website, school, studying for my new job. I've been so excited and afraid of what's to come. Of course, the curiosity in me always beats out the fear; I was the kid crying during the scary movie while peeking through parted fingers. Sometimes we've just gotta do it, and I've been pretty glad with the results. Life gets more interesting by the day.

I'll tell you the one thing I can't complain about is my love life. That's something I haven't been able to say for quite some time. It's nice to find someone on the same wavelength, who wants the same goals, who isn't full of sneak tactics and ulterior motives. I smile every day, just thinking about what I've experienced in dating and men in general. Luckily I didn't become bitter and jaded from it all, I was able to open up my chest plate one more time and let a little love fly out. So far, he hasn't steered me wrong. The key element it seems is always going to be communication. If you don't say what you want from day one, there's always wiggle room for foolishness. Not this time - nope. 

I'm a bit nervous about this new job thing, but I am very optimistic. The pay's better, I get to dress up for work every day - and weekends off!! Lord knows I haven't had that in years - pretty much ever. It's going to be a big help with everything I've got planned. Not to mention I'm falling deeper and deeper back in love with music - definitely gonna need some studio time. 

My new website!! It's doing better than I ever imagined, and I've got all my readers to thank for it. Hopefully soon we'll start hosting relevant advertisements so we can reach more people, but I couldn't be happier about how it's growing. A little over a month, and I've got 1300 views - with comments to boot! So much is coming up in regards to the site, I don't even know where to begin. Keep your eyes out for the big-haired, big glasses, big bootied perv at a college campus near you - that's all I'm gonna say :) 

With the downs come the ups, and I swear they keep me balanced. All the trials I go through build my character, and I'm getting stronger and stronger each day. I'm just so blessed to have great support systems behind me - there's really nothing I can't do at this point. Only God knows what the next adventure will bring.

Stay tuned... 

Depression and Suicide. R.I.P. Chris Lighty.

Image Via ForRefugees.com

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was in NY, fighting to see Bar in the hospital when I got the phone call. 

"Your uncle C. died," my mom said.

 How? I asked. 

"He hung himself today." 

I broke down instantly. Deep down in my heart, I always feared that it would happen. He was ill, paranoid, schizophrenic for a few years. It grew progressively worse as time wore on - until one day it happened. My aunt found him in the basement in the worst way ever - hanging from a pipe. The visual alone made me lose the little bit of sleep I got for months. I couldn't even imagine how she felt, or my little cousin who lost his father. Half his immediate family was gone. 

My aunt tried everything she could for him. Calling the suicide hotline to come to their home in Queens - but if he didn't want help, they couldn't force him. The sickness had taken full control of his brain, he'd threaten to kill himself - he'd be enraged for hours. All we could do was pray. 

Suicide is a cloud that follows me every once in a while. I've been in that place before. I lost my virginity at 12 in such a traumatic way. I didn't know what to do with myself - I wanted that day to come where I wouldn't wake up. I contemplated ways to make it happen. God saved me. My family couldn't understand what was wrong; I didn't want to go out, didn't want to eat. Refused to wear the clothes my mom would buy me. Flannel shirts and oversized jeans were my wardrobe for months. I was so young and naive, I had no clue that there was help for how I felt. Even my "best friend" ridiculed me for my behavior. Luckily that feeling subsided. For many, it never does.

Photo Via AllHipHop.com

Chris Lighty's death sparked a huge debate on the severity of depression and suicide. He had recently divorced his wife, as well as the five million dollars in tax debt he was alleged to be in. I can imagine the overwhelming feelings that came over him - not to mention being diagnosed with depression. Many people don't feel that the disease is legitimate, and that's because they've never experienced it. Some of us have support systems and the strength to pull out of that world, but others are not as blessed. To hear people judge him for taking his life made me sick to my stomach. Suicide is not always a cowardly act, it is one of sickness. Instead of pointing a finger, why not reach out a hand to help pull them up? No one has the right to judge but GOD - and he takes care of the ill. Therefore if this man was right with his maker, he is in heaven where he belongs. I am repulsed by anyone who casts stones at others, when they live in foggy glass houses.

I just wish everyone realized that it gets better. I've been down hard roads before, and once I pushed through it - the victory was so worth it. There are groups and centers available that cater to those in need of friends or a helping hand. 

If you feel like you need help, or know someone at risk of suicide, please see the links below as well as the phone numbers...

National Suicide Numbers: http://suicidehotlines.com/

Considering Suicide? - Please call us | yourlifeyourvoice.org

www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/

We're here to listen. We're here to help.

1. Suicide Prevention | DBSAlliance.org

   www.dbsalliance.org/

   Learn Warning Signs, Treatment Facts & More. We're Here To Help!

2. Considering Suicide? | ContactWeCare.org

   www.contactwecare.org/

   When You Need Someone to Listen - Someone to Care, Give Us a Call
   
   
   It gets better...
   
   
   
   
   

Pardon the Hiatus - but the Vadge is here...

Sorry for the sporadic moments of blogging - but I've been working on my brainchild and I'm ready to share it with you. Behold -

V For Vadge.com. 

If you've ever had an awkward or uncomfortable sex related question - this is the place for you. All your questions will be anonymous, as well as the posts, and the answers will be from credible, cited sources to ensure quality. 

So far, I've gotten quite a few anonymous questions and answered them all. It's great to know that other people have the same questions we all would like to ask. It's even hard to ask the doctor sometimes, but having the knowledge before you do makes it a whole lot easier. 

Here's a sample post: 

Awkward Questions: Where Is the G-Spot?

The mythical G-Spot has been a topic of controversy for years, with many believing that such a spot does not even exist. Named after the man who discovered it, the (Dr.) Grafenberg spot is said to create super powerful orgasms ...

So, feel free to take a look; post your questions anonymously or email us - vforvadge@gmail.com. 

 I promise you'll leave satisfied... 

Brandy feat. Chris Brown - "Put It Down" ((Video))

Brandy is back! 






I can tell Breezy wrote her hook and such, but I love the beat and the song is catchy. She's looking great in the video as well, age has done nothing to her. Her dance skills weren't half bad next to Chris Brown, either! 

P.S. - her Lacefront game is so tight! You can't even tell! 

Brandy Feat. Chris Brown - "Put it Down" from her forthcoming album "Two Eleven" ...

August CurlBox Opening Video - My Second Vid & July Review!

After a few shipping glitches, I finally got my second CurlBox today - I was too hype. I read Myleik saying on Instagram that they were shipping out of bigger boxes, and I wondered why. Well - it's because there were not one, but TWO full sized samples this month!! Carol's Daughter's infamous Hair Milk was one of them. I'm pretty damn excited, because I used up most of the products under my sink just so CurlBox would be worth it. 

Last month's box did not disappoint. It came just in time for me to pack for our family trip to Myrtle Beach. After the second use, I fell in love with the Motions Naturally You Moisturizing Cleanser and Smoothing Conditioner. My hair curled so nice and soft after air drying - especially after rubbing in the Shea Radiance Repair Cream. Everything looks so moist and shiny, despite the drying blonde dye I subject myself to in June. They even helped smooth out my home made blowout I tried while on vacation. 

Peep my opening video below - with a cameo from KidSister :) 

Chris Wynter feat. Joel Wolfe - "Cocaine Kisses"

So, for the past week I've been playing this song nonstop. I love the elements in the instrumentals, the strength of the bass - not to mention the voice. Chris is so damn velvety when he's on the mic, you just can't help but to listen. 

I had the pleasure of catching a Miami studio session with Mr. Wynter and the SingleHouse team while they were finalizing the single. That cute little giggle in the third verse? Yeah, that's me. I spit a little background vocals, too - see if you can spot me. 

I can't wait to hear what's next to come on his solo album - he's definitely a musical genius. You've got a fan for life, sir! 


Not to mention that he's foooiinnneeee!! *bats eyelashes* 

For your musical pleasure - Chris Wynter feat. Joel Wolfe - "Cocaine Kisses..."