Last night was an awkward one. I came to the conclusion that I need to be free, and I'm the one who's been keeping myself in captivity. So, I loosened the chains a bit - and I'm ready to explore. What's the purpose of molding your life for someone who isn't nearly ready to fit into it? The love is still there, but there's quite a few things that need to be worked out. I have plenty of patience, but not much time. So - while I wait - I do me.
And it's not a good feeling, I won't lie. My insomnia's back - I didn't think it was affecting me so badly. But I woke up this morning with a whole new feeling, and a smile. There's too much in this world to see, what the hell was I doing with these blinders on? 23, attractive, athletic build, smart - I could smack myself right now. Doesn't mean I have to run out and try every sausage I see on display, but I damn sure can examine a few. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I know I won't deprive myself like that again, though. He's still around, and I'll enjoy his company. But mama didn't raise no fool - and I never realized how boo boo I really have been behaving. Shame on me for falling in love. Damn Cancer traits win again. It's my fault for taking a drug that caused me so much pain in the past. As bad as you know it is for you - sometimes you just miss the feeling. Story of a former fiend.
I think I'm gonna let my afro out this week. Hit the beach. I'm in desperate need of some sunshine.
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