I tell ya, facing the prospects of death make life seem that much more precious. This weekend, we endured a health scare with my Grandma. My Grandma and I have come a long way from where we once were. She was this miserable old woman who I did not look forward to being around when I was growing up. As time passed and I became more mature, that woman imparted some serious wisdom upon me. My brother and I would spend weekends in Queens and her and I'd lay up in bed just talking until she dozed off. My insomnia would keep me awake, and I'd listen to her boring talk radio shows til sunup. I'll never forget those nights.
In my adult life, I've spent hours talking with my grandma; lotioning her little hands and legs for her when arthritis wouldn't let her do it on her own. She makes dirty little jokes now, when she wouldn't even look at a couple kissing years before. You see, I think my grandmother used to loathe living. At a certain point in her life she just existed and wished to die. She'd gripe and complain about aches and pains and hoped that God would take her away. Then, one day we decided to throw her a surprise party. All of us flew in from our respective states and screamed (gently) as she slowly walked into the back yard. We ate, we laughed, we joked and shared photos. Grandma yelled out "Lawd (Lord), mi nuh wah dead again! Dis nice!" It literally brought a tear to my eye. From that day forward, she was a little better.
And better, and better. Now I don't even think she remembers those days. And I'm glad she doesn't. Each year she gets a little funnier, a little more jovial, more lighthearted and positive. When I told her I was pregnant - I flew up to NY just to deliver the news. It was something I wanted to feel; a reaction I wanted to see for myself. I had to bring Boyfriend with me to join in on the excitement. She didn't chastise me or try to shame me. Her eyes grew wide (and we all know how chinky they are) and she gasped! Asked me if I was happy, asked me if he's a good man. Threatened him with violence if he doesn't take care of me. I was overfilled with joy.
The day she went into the hospital with heart failure was a major blow for me. Mommy took my latest ultrasound and showed it to her. Said, "you've got to be strong for the baby." Her first great grandchild. An amazing victory for a woman who didn't fully enjoy life until her later years. Afraid that we'd grow up to be "cruffs" or no-goods. Look at us now, Grandma! College grads, sorority sisters, businessmen, military veterans - soon to be mother. You did good. Don't worry. Nuh worry yuh head, we ah go behave!
Life, I tell ya. I appreciate it more and more as the sun rises each day. You just never know what's next.
CHRISTMAS TIME
4 years ago
My eyes are watering over here. This is beautiful....and I love the last picture. I'm glad that your relationship strengthened over time and that you're able to look back on your time together with so much joy. As you know that I've learned...death only happens in the physical. Our souls never die and loved ones always let us know they're around when we need them most. Grandma will never leave you, your memories of her will live within you and will carry on through the stories you share of her with my little niece or nephew. For now, continue to enjoy her. Laugh with her. Keep provoking her to tell those Rema-esque jokes lol. Life really is precious and I'm sure you truly know that now with life growing inside of you. Love u.
ReplyDeleteLove you too! She is an awesome little lady, and I miss her when I can't visit often enough. We're holding on to the hope that everything will work out and she'll stay with us a little longer. A lot longer. She is my subliminal motivation, and I just want to grant her this extreme moment of happiness. Life is extremely precious, and this little thing kicking around in me really woke me up.
DeleteYup! Doctors aren't God - only he knows what's going to happen and you know he likes to surprise. Grandma will be telling "Silloette" all your business about when you were little lol
DeleteOh, I so love this post. Real, articulate, and emote feelings of warmth in my heart. So, now I'm understanding where all the "craziness" comes from.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, my Grandma was the same - prissy, proper, never spoke a drop of patois, until shortly before she passed. My grandma uttered jokes in patois with me being the butt of them, but I never minded as it was the "realest" I'd ever seen her. "Lawd, a weh yuh get dem deh breasts fram, wid dem likkle mawga shoulda, a how dem hol' up?"
P.S. Last part was not meant to be a doldrum.
Lol - my craziness comes from my mom. Grandma was as straight laced as they come. Couldn't speak a lick of proper English even if she tried. She wouldn't insult us, but she'd beat the light out of your eyes if you stepped out of line. Don't miss those days at all, but I wouldn't trade them for the world.
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