{{The Kimi Chronicles}}: Control

These past few days have been quite interesting. 

I love my blog because it's one of the few places where I feel I can really say what I want. I can worry about the consequences later - but in the meantime I can relieve the pressure of keeping things bottled up. These past few posts have really worked. So I continue.

Anybody who reads my posts see the history of myself and "Him" - or "He," as I call him. It hasn't always been great, but it's getting there and I enjoy it. I realize now, though - that part of the reason why things were so rocky, is because I allowed too much outside feedback to influence my thoughts about our relationship. I have been the shoulder to lean on for everyone, and sometimes when I need support - I let it all out on the few people I trust on this earth. That's what friends are for, right? 

Well, I realized a pattern. When I vented about things - I got biased opinions. Those biased opinions would sway me in a biased direction. That direction usually pushed me to letting it out on him. And then in retrospect, I'd look back and wonder what I was thinking. I feel silly when I think about it now. 

I know what I want from this thing we have going on, and for the most part - I get it. As someone who's done long distance and been in a long relationship before - I know that things aren't always gonna be butterfly kisses and sweet talk. This is real life. I'm only 23 - he's only 25. While I have certain desires and expectations - I have to understand that we are human.  I'm not in an abusive relationship, he treats me good, his friends and family like me - what's the issue? We're not married - there's no reason for all the stress and burden.

So I take control of my world - fully this time. I'll take, appreciate and understand feedback - but I'll keep my venting to a minimum. CousinJin said it best - "The only people who should have say in your relationship is you and your partner." No matter what level that relationship is on - it's a wise choice to keep people out of it. So I will. 

I'm sitting here watching a sermon from Trinity Church - and the pastor said it best: "You will never find the answer in man - you must find the problem within yourself." I'm living and learning as best as I can - and the less negative feelings I have around me - the better.

 I'm enjoying myself - be happy for me. That's all I ask.