Wednesday, August 12, 2009

{{Archive - Blogs of Past}} - "Fire, Ashes, and a Molten Heart..."

Current mood: angsty
Category: Life

" So he did it. At 3:30AM Yesterday, he passed away.

I wasn't ready for this at all. I honestly thought he would pull through. He was such a strong guy, he had made it 3 months after a serious head injury caused by being beaten with a fire extinguisher and nine stab wounds. Why couldn't he wake up? He went into cardiac arrest yesterday. God wanted him home. I have to keep telling myself this, every time I begin to cry. This morning I thought I was done. I stayed in bed for two hours crying yesterday when I got the news. I went to shower this morning - and they all came back.

Those long talks on the phone. The day he asked me if I think we all have a purpose in life. He had real questions and intellectual answers. We talked about everything - from his grandparents' separation to his grandmother's death. I still remember watching his grandmother launch a PC out the house window, along with clothes and other belongings of his grandfather's. When I used to walk for 15 minutes just to buy nothing at A&P while he was working. That was in seventh grade.

Sitting on the porch til sunset will never happen again. I can't look forward to seeing him on the Ave when I go home for the summer. I'll never watch him find true love (excluding me), I'll never see him get married. It hurts me. This was all preventable. All because of one fool's pride. Now they will all get what they deserve.

I had a dream about him two weeks ago. He was awake, in a wheelchair. The details are fuzzy, but they say if you tell your dreams to someone, they won't come true. So I kept it to myself, in hopes that it would come to fruition. I can give up on that.

This is the first friend I have ever lost. Maybe this is why it hurts so much. I have lost family, distant relatives, friends of my family - but never a friend so dear to my heart. I loved him so much. There were so many things I didn't get to say to him. So many things that were undiscussed.

This week, I wear black nails with red. Black to express my sorrow and mourning, red to express my pain - and to represent his favorite color.

Muhammad Bylik Etheridge. You came into my life quietly, and you left in the same manor - but the song that my heart sings for you will never cease to play. I love you. I always will.

June 28, 2008 - a Day I Will Never Forget...

Currently listening :
I Care 4 U (with Bonus DVD)
By Aaliyah
Release date: 2002-12-10"

No comments:

Post a Comment