Life Goes On...

"But life goes on, I'll still go strong. I'll wait a while, but not that long." - Blazin' Squad - 'I Belong to You"

So - by accident - he pretty much ended his chances of us getting back together. Officially. Officially.

His drunk call to me the other night was fine.  I diffused the situation and got off the phone with him. But he just kept calling, and calling, and calling. He accidentally left a voicemail on my phone, and didn't hang up. The things he said to his friends were such a turn off - and a wake up for me. He's out there doing what he wants to do - so why am I sitting here being concerned about him?

I think being a nurturer is my vice. I spend so much of my life worrying about the people in my world, and I sometimes forget to think about myself. When do I get to be happy? When do I get to consider my feelings first, and figure out what I want to do with my life. I guess this is my chance.

I figured out that he's seeing someone - and I also got that one by accident. I think the young lady wanted me to see who she was and she made sure I saw her. Which lead me to realize that he's been trying to trick and confuzzle me for the past few months - trying to make me think he spends his nights lonely (like I often do), trying to have me believe that he's not talking to anyone, or that no one's occupying his time. And for a while, I believed it. But  I know his friends, and I know his lack of ability to resist pressure. He's a Cancer, too - and we're romantic creatures - so I know he couldn't be alone for long.

I told him how dishonest he's been lately, and I let him know that I'm done trying to hope for a future between us - because he's become a different person since moving back home. I'm sure I have, too - but I am at least working towards progression. I'm not quite sure what track he's on. So - we remain friends, but that's definitely a closed chapter relationship wise.

And now - I continue my journey to happiness. I finally have realized that having a partner is not all it's cracked up to be. I know now that I have been mistaking solace for loneliness - and I definitely know the difference between the two. I appreciate the silence more now, because sometimes in a relationship - things get too crowded and overbearing - and lucky for me - I don't have to deal with that anymore!

So - that being said - I am continuing with my world. I'm content with my location in the  universe, and I can only continue to look upward to see what's next. He can go on with his BS, and take her with him - because she is, simply put - interesting. My upgrade's fully loaded with all the bells and whistles, so I can't complain...