Saturday, March 28, 2009
The Never Ending Story - G1 Blogging
So, yesterday I flew in to NY, just for the day, to visit my fam and drop off a package. As we're riding through Mount Vernon, I notice one common factor on almost every block - the same people I left behind were still outside. Nothing much changed, plus or minus a few babies. Yeah, they wasted the money that could have saved our intramural sports programs on new landscaping - but it's still the same hood.
What scares me is the fact that these kids seem to think that slumming is the norm. It looks like they expect this life. I've had old friends ask me if I have any kids yet, and when I say no - they ask me why not. Don't get me wrong, I have a serious respect and sense of admiration to all my friends who have children, because it is not an easy task. As a young person doing what I can to secure my finances, though, I will not conceive a child until I can take care of them by myself. Most of my friends have the support of their parents, but a lot of these hood kids don't. Most of their parents make the same, if not less amount of money that they do - where does that leave the babies? Simple: down the same path their parents just came down.
The fact that more than three young dudes from my town were shot and killed in the same week baffles me. You live in this town, you see the news - yet, you manage to kill another one of your own. Don't you realize that one day the one being shot may be you??
Tangent: Why was there a kid riding a unicycle up the block last night?
Anyway, when will these kids wake up? When will they realize that the children they created will be left in this world without them?
Be back in a bit - flight's about to board...
Thursday, March 26, 2009
WTF - Is This What We Do On Craigslist Now?
This is crazy. Was this kid ashamed of his homosexuality? Is that the reason why he killed a man that he obviously agreed to meet with? Or did Weber try something shady on him when he got to his apartment? I guess we'll never know. They say truth is scarier than fiction - and this proves that point...
VIA NYtimes.com:
The 16-year-old boy arrested in the fatal stabbing of the radio journalist George Weber was ordered held without bail late Wednesday on charges of second-degree murder and criminal possession of a weapon.
The teenager, John Katehis, of East Elmhurst, Queens, did not enter a plea or make any statement during the arraignment before Judge John H. Wilson of Brooklyn Criminal Court.
Mr. Katehis was arrested on Tuesday night outside a bus depot in Middletown, N.Y., in Orange County. “He subsequently made statements implicating himself in the stabbing death,” said Paul J. Browne, the chief spokesman for the New York Police Department.
Mr. Weber, 47, who recently had been working as a freelance anchor for ABC News Radio, the national network, was found in his apartment in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn, on Sunday. He had been stabbed about 50 times, the police commissioner, Raymond W. Kelly, said.
Herb Moses, the public defender representing Mr. Katehis, told Judge Wilson that it was a “very tragic situation.” He added that he thought his client had been “used by an older gentleman” and that he expected more details to emerge about Mr. Katehis’s encounter with Mr. Weber.
Officials said the teenager apparently answered a Craigslist ad in which Mr. Weber, 47, sought a sexual partner. The police believed Mr. Weber planned to pay Mr. Katehis for sex. The police commissioner, Raymond W. Kelly, said that the two had arranged to meet on Wednesday, March 18, but rescheduled the meeting for Friday evening.
A neighbor saw someone, believed by the police to be Mr. Katehis, speaking on a cellphone outside Mr. Weber’s building on Henry Street. Mr. Weber may have allowed him to enter the apartment about 6 p.m., and while he was inside, the suspect stabbed him about 50 times, Mr. Kelly said. No weapon has been found, the police said.
The police would not say why they believed the teenager stabbed Mr. Weber. He had no criminal record. No one at his home Wednesday would comment on the case.
At 9:13 p.m. Friday, a conductor on a northbound G train saw a passenger bleeding profusely from his left hand, Mr. Kelly said. The passenger, who Mr. Kelly said was Mr. Katehis, was met by Emergency Medical Services workers at station and taken to Elmhurst Hospital Center, where he was treated and released, Mr. Kelly said. He told the police that he had cut his hand on a bottle. Judge Wilson ordered Wednesday that Mr. Katehis continue to receive medical attention for the cut.
An autopsy on Mr. Weber was performed on Monday, and the police said he had been stabbed in the head and neck, the front and rear of his torso, and the arms and hands. Mr. Katehis had changed his bloody clothes after the attack and put on some of Mr. Weber’s, Mr. Kelly said.
The teenager then fled to Middletown to a friend’s house on Tuesday morning, Mr. Kelly said. Detectives tracked him down through a search of Mr. Weber’s computer communications and from information they received from family members of Mr. Katehis’s, he said.
In Middletown on Tuesday, law enforcement officials said, Mr. Katehis’s father helped arrange for his son to go to the bus depot. As the boy approached a vehicle expecting to see his father, detectives got out and the boy fled across the street, where more detectives were waiting in an unmarked van. They tackled Mr. Katehis and handcuffed him.
Late Wednesday afternoon, several friends gathered at Angry Wade’s, a tavern where Mr. Weber had been a regular, to recall a man who often greeted them with a smile and who had a contagious laugh. He was somebody who loved to talk and debate, they said. They lighted candles, and had drinks sitting at the bar in front of an empty chair at his customary place.
There were handwritten messages on napkins on the bar surrounding a glass poured for him. “We’ll all miss you,” one said.
Outside the bar, John Peterman, 35, a coordinating producer for a television production company who lives across the street from Mr. Weber, said: “Friendships run deep in our neighborhood. And George was friends with many people.”
Mr. Katehis’s MySpace page, which was taken down Wednesday, said he enjoyed “drinking, bike riding, hanging out, roof hopping, hanging off trains,” and “extreme violence (chaos, anarchy, etc ...) video games, violent movies and listening to my iPod.”
“II am an extremist, an anarchist and a sadomasochist. As long as you show respect for me, I will show respect for you.”
But it warned that if he were not shown respect, he would “break your neck.”
Kareem Fahim and Mick Meenan contributed reporting.
I think it's sad that young people think they have to resort to prostituting themselves to earn decent money nowadays. This kid obviously had issues, and I wonder if his parents tried to be there for him, or even communicated with him at all. How does a human being become this way? Dude said he is a sadomasochist - which means he gets horny from causing and receiving injury or pain. Safe to say most of us like a little pain every once in a while - but when do we draw the line?
Kinda glad he wasn't black though. Am I wrong for feeling that way?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Lost in Translation
Zune Says - Big Pun - My Dick
You ever had light altercation with someone of another ethnicity, and they turn around and start talking about you in their language? Do you remember the feeling you get when you know they're saying something - but you just don't know what? Well, when it comes to Spanish - I don't have that problem. Today kinda pissed me off.
So yeah - I'm a mutt - we know that. But people underestimate me so often in society, it's annoying. Especially since I moved to Florida. I find that the racial issues are different here, the ignorance shifts to other perspectives. It's more based on looks than background - the aesthetics are what you're judged by first - then they try and figure out who you are later. The main thing I get is being overlooked for certain things when clearly I am fully qualified. Like speaking Spanish. Whenever we have a language issue at work - one that involves Spanish - everyone is asked for help but me. They will scour the earth for a latino person to come and translate - and I'll just stand there til they're about to give up, then I'll quietly say, "I speak Spanish." And I'll get "Oh - you do? Great! Can you help me?" And I of course, oblige.
Now, I wasn't born speaking the language, because despite my family's mixed heritage, we are Jamaican first and foremost. I started learning when I was 10, eleven years ago - so I'm gonna pretty much say I'm fluent. If I were in NY, my ethnicity would not be in question - everybody's Spanish until proven guilty. Well, at least in my hood. Not exactly - but everyone's mixed with something, you know what I'm sayin. Down here, if you ain't Cuban, Haitian, or Venezuelan - what are you? You get clumped in as black. And that's okay - just don't mistreat me.
Today now, I gave somebody a taste of my angry side. That doesn't happen very often. I was working at Customer Service, doing returns and purchases - when my computer (register) froze. Of course, customers show up at that exact time, and I had to ask them to wait. The little Spanish lady that was first in line was very kind. She went to another line and bought stuff until I could do her return. The second lady, though - was a beyotch. She kept askin me how long it was gonna take, sayin she came all the way there just for a return (what a lame), yadda yadda. I appologized and told her it would be a moment, and there's nothing that I could do. She turned around to her friend and started speaking Spanish to her. Few minutes later, she turned around and aske me again how long it was gonna take. I told her it was up to the computer. Anyway, long story short - I caught her talkin about me to her friend - makin fun of my politeness, and how I talk and sh*t. Finally, I got fed up and in Spanish - I leaned over and said, "Excuse me miss, but how much are your items worth? (Disculpe Senora, pero cuanto cuestan su cosas?)
Broad looked flabbergasted.
So now we're speaking Spanish. She goes on to tell me (the same sh*t she said in English) how long she'd been waiting, and bla-ze bla-ze - I said "Me entiendes, pero -" She cuts me off, talkin bout "You can speak to me in English."
She didn't know what to do when I bust out the Espanol on her ass. Her face turned so red, it was hilarious. She took her tone down a notch and retreated for a minute, then her bird ass friend hyped her up and she asked for the store manager (who came and backed me up). Needless to say, she left with her tail between her legs and her refund in her hand.
My question today is - how do we judge people? Personally, in our own lives - what are the criteria for people to be treated well by us? Is it their clothes, their shoes, their hair, what car they drive, who they know? Is it their skintone, their accent, their choice in food? Personally, I try my best not to discriminate - but you know what I judge people by? Their attitude.
If you walk up to me with a sour face - you'll get the silent treatment as I cash you out. You'll get the same attitude you give out. I don't care what you look like, smell like, sound like, dress like. I try to treat everyone with respect - cuz that's what I want back. It's so frustrating when people don't behave like they have home training - but then I remember - some people don't.
If I were in Washington Heights right now, this wouldn't be an issue, lol.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sex, Love and Pain
Zune Says - Drake - Best I Ever Had
Feeling like I need to get off this sexual high-horse with a little ranting...
Not too many people know I lost my virginity at 12 years-old. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I'll spare the details, but I will admit that it shaped who I am, sexually and emotionally. Traumatizing experiences often leave us with certain stigmas, and to this day - I think I'm somewhat affected by what happened to me that day.
My question today is - how does sex (or the lack, thereof) affect us? Does it crowd your mind, or is it just an afterthought? Does it start your day - or does it end a lonely night? Do you even know what it is? |smile| To me, sex is art. It's beautiful when done correctly (and in incorrectly). The awkwardness of sex is sexy. Whether it's planned or impromptu, there's always some way to make it an experience. It took me a while to realize that, though. After my first time, I went through a phase where I wouldn't even look at guys. Don't get it twisted, I didn't look at girls, either - but I lost interest in everything males had to offer. It ruined my character, because I went from the bubbly girl who'd talk to anyone - to the passive chick who was always in the cut. I didn't have sex again for two years after that - and the second time was laughable at best - I still chuckle when I see him in my hood. Through that, I realized that sex isn't all people crack it up to be. All the fast girls glamorized it for nothing - right?
Well, not exactly - but it's not the Holy Grail. We don't need it to survive. I was afraid to be sexual when I was younger, because I didn't understand what it was, really. All I knew was something about a penis and a vagina, throw in some friction and screaming. Now as I get older, I've learned that there is so much that goes into having sex, and making love, and just plain ol' freakin. Cuz there's a strong difference.
There's always an emotional aspect to it, regardless of what people may say or think. Even simple jumpoffs spark some sort of emotional interest. I've never done a one-night stand thing, so I can't speak for the people who have. In that case, there's no opportunity for feelings. That's running off straight hormones and raw energy. I've evolved to the point where I now know sex can be used for a number of things -
Sleep aid (raise my hand)
Stress relief (here I am again)
Excercise (why not?)
Financial gain
Social status
Sometimes, what starts as simple sex flourishes into something more, and the benefit of that is - you already know what your partner likes. You get to skip the formalities and move straight into the relationship side of things. Other times, you end up with one of those - "I'm only calling so I can beat" type deals. If it's mutual, cool - if not - prepare for heartbreak. This typically happens to females, I probably know like one dude who was actually hurt by such an agreement.
We actually still have people who have never had sex. It's hard to believe, yes - but it's even harder to do nowadays. Everyone's out hunchin something, or someone - how do you manage to keep it in your pants? I was celibate for the whole 2007, so I know how hard it can be. Especially if you have a love interest - it's like being one dollar away from buying those Prada shoes you've been eyeing. Spend the dollar and have an empty wallet - but spend the dollar and have some fly ass shoes to show for it. Or, spend the dollar and be disappointed that the shoes weren't as great as they were in the window. I always reccomend saving your money. Sometimes, when we rush into things - we get more (or less) than we bargained for. Why trade in your virginity for something that may not be worth it? It's your one-time pass, you can't get it back after it's gone. I respect all the people I know who have managed to save themselves up to this far - and that's about a handful. I know how hard it is not to give in, cuz sometimes you're sitting there thinking - why am I not naked right now? Lol - when the opportunity presents itself in the right situation - you'll know. Take my word for it - you are saving yourself a great deal of stress without it. And building up your upper body strength with all that whacking off.
But - when you get that good "payowww" - you'll finally see what all the fuss is about.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Pluck the Fruit and Taste the Pleasure
So - I've come to this truth - Joy and Pleasure cannot coexist.
Well, rarely they do.
Typically the source of pleasure is one that should not be -
one that causes some sort of strife, anguish, or simple annoyance in the life of the receiver.
It may seem joyous at one time or another, but as the "honeymoon effect" wears off, we are forced to feel the truth. This usually takes place after a crescendo or explosion of some sort, followed by a temporary feeling of euphoria.
Once such a truth is realized - we have the option of either letting go, moving on, or continuing the quest on this course to find true pleasure. This course will more than likely lead us on an alternating path of good feelings and confusion. During the state of confusion, the cause of this pleasure has the opportunity to manipulate the mind into remaining in the situation. After that subsides, there is a moment of clarity - but we are too stunned by manipulation to take heed.
Until that one day comes along when the pleasure source f*cks up and causes extreme turmoil for the subject. Then it's time to kick this habit to the curb. Forever.
Or until the need arises again...
Whichever comes first.
I thought of it while listening to a symphony piece in Music class today.
If I don't write these things down fast enough, some of the words get lost in translation. I know what I mean, lol - most of you will, too... Definitely open for interpretation - apply it how it fits.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Break-Break Dowwwwnnn
||Zune Says:|| Mariah Carey feat. Bone Thugz & Harmony - Breakdown
Sooo, guess who cried at work today. Yep - me.
And you know I don't cry. Or show signs of stress, or distress.
You ever just feel overwhelmed? You ever feel like too many things are comin at you at the same time? That's what happened to me today. I found myself crying - and I felt so vulnerable. I got this promotion like two months ago - and I've been having this feeling that certain people want me to fail at this. We all know I'm no quitter, so all I do is go hard, every day - just to make sure there's no room for doubt. That being said, people always have some new feedback for me - do this, change that, don't do that. I can't win. Today was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Luckily for me, there are people that I work with who actually give a sh*t about how I feel ((thanks Michael and Brandi)) - and they take the time to check on me. Belly gave me a hug - I made him promise not to do it again, lol. I don't do hugs. It felt good to vent, though - I need to do that once in a while.
My question today is - why do people always have to try and sabotage others? What compels someone to try and stop another person's progres? Especially when it doesn't interfere with their life in any way? I mind my business when I'm at work. I socialize with everyone, but I completely trust a total of three people in my network. They know who they are. I talk ill of no one, I wish ill on no one - and this is what I get in return.
I've been working in retail for a while, and I've learned that there's always some level of politics involved - anyone will tell you, drama is a requirement when you work in a store of any kind. I try my best to stay away from all of that. People say to me all the time, "How many years have you lived in Florida - and you have how many friends?" Yeah, I have a handful of friends for this exact reason - because people are too damn evil.
OMG - lol - Tangent - Iron Chef is off the chain! They do some crazy ish in that kitchen stadium... Dude took a blowtorch to some figs - wtf??
I find myself constantly trying to live up to other people's standards now. I'm not into all that. I'm already stressin over school, then I have to worry about coming to work and taking more bull? I decided today after my little tear-fest that no job is worth my sanity. I'm walking in the door with the same attitude I had before I got the promotion, do my job to the fullest, bring new ish to the table - clock out and go home. Do it again tomorrow. Anybody who don't like that, can bite it. Woah.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Alter-Ego
Zune Says: Keri Hilson - High Heels
12:37am
Quick ramble. It's too early for prolific thoughts...
So yes, we all know I have my "interesting side," but how many people know I have an alter-ego? Her name's Kima - and if you see me with dark hair, it's her. Lol - that only happens when I A. Don't want to fix my hair or B. I'm going to the club and don't want to be noticed. It's hard walking around with chestnut blonde hair and not being seen, I've tried. My hair has almost gotten me in trouble - only a select few know about that event (sworn to secrecy), Lord knows I couldn't wear my hair in a fro for months...
Anyway, there's not too much special about Kima - I guess I'm just more straight forward when she comes around. I'll straight tell a dude no when I'm in the club, as opposed to being as kind as I usually am. Sometimes they can't take a hint, you know? I feel more inclined to be nice when I'm looking like myself. It's funny, cuz people really don't recognize me when I have my wig on. Look @ my profile pic - then look at a picture of me - I guess it really does make a difference, lol.
I'm over here tryna write, and these two fools (My brother & fiance) are talkin about baseball salary caps - wtf?? lol - men.
Sometimes, I feel "naughtier" when I'm not myself. Y'all may thing Beyonce's a little crazy wit the whole "Sasha Fierce" thing - but it's true! You lose your inhibitions when you switch it up sometimes. Shoot, my neighbor and his wife role-play. I won't go into details with that, but I am taking notes, tee hee... Acting out of character makes you wanna try something new, try somewhere new - try someone new (not me, though, lol) ... It's good, clean fun - as long as you ain't robbin no banks, or goin out bein a hoe. Cuz real talk - the wig may change your features a bit - but you're still the same person. Still gotta wake up and be yourself the next day. And nothing would suck more than to be at work and hear, "Ain't that the girl that was shakin her ass for cash @ Capone's last night? I coulda swore she was a brunette!" LMAO - that will NEVER happen to me. I ain't that crazy.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Hot Suh
Soo, just finished playing Wii Fit, and I am beat. That ish really works! I'ma be sooooo fit by the time the weeks over, lol. My thighs are on fiyah.
Anyway, what am I thinking about right now? Work. I'm about to get into my "I'm home" mode, but before I do - this is for all my 9-5 retail workers out there. Why are people so impatient? Why do the people that come in the store always have to be in a rush? Why would you come into WFM (aka My Job) to shop at 2:30 - when you have a 2:45 doctor's appointment?
Don't get me wrong, I love my job - there's nothing I love more than waking up every day, going to school in the morning - speeding on 95 straight to work, and staying there til sundown. It really brightens up my life. To make matters better, I have the honor of taking care of such pleasant people as "screaming gym woman," who has just finished working out, and in her gym clothes, she is cursing out her boyfriend over the phone. As I wait for her receipt to come out, I get "Are we done here?" and an impatient glare. Or, I get Mrs. "I want to return these 13 items, but I have the dog in the car..." Oh, that one really gets me. Windows rolled up, poor Cujo is sweating and panting inside the CL 500, sun blazing - glazing over his eyes with sweat. Meanwhile, his owner is bringing back the chapstick that didn't plump her lips like Botox does, the sports bra from the Milwauke store, half-eaten dog food (who knows who ate that), and the remainder of some rotisserie chicken bones (the chicken was raw, but she ate it, lol)... After she places this all on the counter, she says she's in a hurry to go outside to the dog. Starts huffin and puffin when I say she has to fill out a form, etc.
Ooh, tangent - anyway - my question is:
What makes people so impatient? What gives you the right to be so rude, you have to tell someone you've got things to do, and you don't need to stand here? Really? I could have told you that 30 minutes ago. What do you do for a living that you are allowed to be mean to people who are simply doing their job??
It baffles me - then people -
OOh, fell asleep at the keyboard...
I haven't slept in three days. I am exhausted. I fell asleep in class this morning - with my eyes open. Please excuse me if I bug out every once in a while.
kay, so back to what I was saying. People put themselves too high on their horse sometimes. Just because you drive a Benz doesn't make you more of a priority than the girl in the Civic. Cuz trust me, I make pretty good money in my job right now - and this is just a stepping stone to what I'm about to become. I could care less what you do with your Balenciaga bag, or your diamond - encrusted dog tag - cuz in a few years, I'll be able to cop it all and not even flinch. Even now, though - when I shop in the mall and things like that, I always make sure to be friendly to the people who help me. I could never walk in a store - regardless of how much I'm gonna spend in there - and act like a total bird.
It makes me wonder how these people got wealthy. How did they get rich to the point where they forgot how to become human beings? When do we detatch ourselves from the real world - when we reach a certain tax bracket? When we drive a certain car, live in a certain community? What do we do when the chips are down and we have nothing - do we crawl back to those we mistreated and try for a second chance??
Karma is a bitch.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
ब्लॉग अर्चिवे,
Okay, so I'm unable to import my blogs from MySpace over to Blogger - so here's what I'm gonna do. We'll start fresh - but here's the link to my other blog, which will still be active.
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendId=10538284
I have quite a few "phantom readers," those who read and never comment। That's fine with me, but feel free to add some feedback at any time - cuz I know you guys are out there. The counters don't lie... अस दरके सय्स, "यू क्नोव व्हो यू अरे..."
New Blogspot
Thousands on MySpace - why not move it to a larger domain? Now I can share my babble and bullsh*t with the world! Buahaahhahahah!
Obviously, most of my posts will be in the wee hours of the morning - because as my people know, I don't sleep much. As we speak, I'm blogging on my G1, simply because I'm too lazy to go downstairs and get my laptop. A shame, I know.
I'm gonna be trying a different approach with this blog. My layout's gonna be different, of course - but I'm adding some new elements as well. Hopefully my "phantom readers" will finally comment. Either way, I hope y'all stay cool and keep reading.
I'll be importing my old posts soon, so feel free to add your input to those as well...
1AM watching Road to Redemption, feelin like T.I. is really on a really good path, but wtf is up with this LifeWater ad wit the football players dancin in freakin leotards? Not cool, and definitely not helpin right now. {{scratching head}}, let me try and go to sleep...