"Steady breakin' me on dowwwnnn" - Don't act like y'all don't know it, lol
||Zune Says:|| Mariah Carey feat. Bone Thugz & Harmony - Breakdown
Sooo, guess who cried at work today. Yep - me.
And you know I don't cry. Or show signs of stress, or distress.
You ever just feel overwhelmed? You ever feel like too many things are comin at you at the same time? That's what happened to me today. I found myself crying - and I felt so vulnerable. I got this promotion like two months ago - and I've been having this feeling that certain people want me to fail at this. We all know I'm no quitter, so all I do is go hard, every day - just to make sure there's no room for doubt. That being said, people always have some new feedback for me - do this, change that, don't do that. I can't win. Today was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Luckily for me, there are people that I work with who actually give a sh*t about how I feel ((thanks Michael and Brandi)) - and they take the time to check on me. Belly gave me a hug - I made him promise not to do it again, lol. I don't do hugs. It felt good to vent, though - I need to do that once in a while.
My question today is - why do people always have to try and sabotage others? What compels someone to try and stop another person's progres? Especially when it doesn't interfere with their life in any way? I mind my business when I'm at work. I socialize with everyone, but I completely trust a total of three people in my network. They know who they are. I talk ill of no one, I wish ill on no one - and this is what I get in return.
I've been working in retail for a while, and I've learned that there's always some level of politics involved - anyone will tell you, drama is a requirement when you work in a store of any kind. I try my best to stay away from all of that. People say to me all the time, "How many years have you lived in Florida - and you have how many friends?" Yeah, I have a handful of friends for this exact reason - because people are too damn evil.
OMG - lol - Tangent - Iron Chef is off the chain! They do some crazy ish in that kitchen stadium... Dude took a blowtorch to some figs - wtf??
I find myself constantly trying to live up to other people's standards now. I'm not into all that. I'm already stressin over school, then I have to worry about coming to work and taking more bull? I decided today after my little tear-fest that no job is worth my sanity. I'm walking in the door with the same attitude I had before I got the promotion, do my job to the fullest, bring new ish to the table - clock out and go home. Do it again tomorrow. Anybody who don't like that, can bite it. Woah.
CHRISTMAS TIME
4 years ago
You're such an amazing writer, I can dig it Kim.
ReplyDeleteI was going through the same thing, but I've cried many and plenty times. Everytime someone was nasty to me, I would just in the bathroom in cry. I can't hide it [when I'm sad or angry, my nose gets really red], so why even try? But then again I am a much weaker person than you are (mentally, okay... well probably physically too)
But I digress.
Kimani you are great, but you know that. You're doing a big thing, and you're carrying a generation on your shoulders well. Definitely proving to all the naysayers that black women are all that in a bag of chips, and that if they don't watch out, that same black woman will take their bag of chips without even trying.
So don't worry babe, they will get what's coming for them.
Sending you love... all the way from over here.
FutureSpaceBoy.
Thank you Michael - I need your cosmic energy to balance me out sometimes - that's why it sucks that you're all the way back there now, lol...
ReplyDeleteWhere's Linda? I need some space-age words of wisdom. She'd know firsthand, right? {{smile}}
lol, Linda is in New York, running a cupcake shop :-D. I love love love your blog btw. Can't wait till you get more readers.
ReplyDeleteKim i go thru tha samething ive learned that people wanna see u fail because your life is changing and u show that u are moving up in ther world and bettering yourself...Key word: "BETTERing" nobody wants to be around somebody better than them so theyre going to try to bring u down to feel good about themselves and where they are in their life and also to feel in control becuz alot of people dont have that in most areas of their existance nobody can control wat u wanna do but u. ur name will be the one on the college degree and the 6 figure pay stubs they wont say "cocksucking hater" on em...sooo always keep ur chin up and strive 4 the best dont try to live up to anyones expectations except ur own becuz @ the end of it all ur the one who worked ur ass off to get to where u want to be and only u can truly appreciate ur place becuz u earned it.
ReplyDelete