||Appreciate Life||

So - last night I was told that my Mom may have Lupus... For those who don't know: Systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) is a chronic, inflammatory autoimmune disorder. It may affect the skin, joints, kidneys, and other organs. Symptoms vary from person to person, and may come and go. The condition may affect one organ or body system at first. Others may become involved later. Almost all people with SLE have joint pain and most develop arthritis. Frequently affected joints are the fingers, hands, wrists, and knees.

General symptoms include:

• Arthritis
• Fatigue
• Fever
• General discomfort, uneasiness or ill feeling (malaise)
• Joint pain and swelling
• Muscle aches
• Nausea and vomiting
• Pleural effusions
• Pleurisy (causes chest pain)
• Psychosis
• Seizures
• Sensitivity to sunlight
• Skin rash -- a "butterfly" rash over the cheeks and bridge of the nose affects about half of those with SLE. The rash gets worse when in sunlight. The rash may also be widespread.
• Swollen glands

Additional symptoms that may be associated with this disease:

• Abdominal pain
• Blood disorders, including blood clots
• Blood in the urine
• Coughing up blood
• Fingers that change color upon pressure or in the cold
• Hair loss
• Mouth sores
• Nosebleed
• Numbness and tingling
• Red spots on skin
• Skin color is patchy
• Swallowing difficulty
• Visual disturbance

There is no cure for SLE. Treatment is aimed at controlling symptoms. Individual symptoms determine treatment. (via GoogleHealth) When she told me, I tried to laugh it off. I did the usual - I joked to her about it, told her not to say things like that - and tried to lighten the situation. She looked at me and said, "Well, if I do - I'm gonna live like I'm dying." That's what killed me. On my way to my cousin's house, the tears started streaming, and I just couldn't stop. I've seen people afflicted with the disease, at various levels and stages of illness. It can vary from minor skin deformity - to complete debilitation. I can't remember a time when Mom wasn't self sufficient. Not sure if I could imagine her needing help moving or walking, or watching her skin peel and change. I am afraid. All I can do is pray that this is is not happening. Like CousinJin said, I can't let the thought manifest into reality. I've got to block it out and focus on the positive. I am trying my best. There's so much going on in our lives - so many issues with finances and family - I can't imagine another blow like this. I refuse to think about it. All I can do is pray. I just want to curl up into a ball and sob quietly right now. I'm fighting tears as I type. It's so hard to concentrate on other aspects of my world when all I want to do is make sure my Mom is okay. I'm supposed to be here studying - but I've decided to go to bed. I'll leave my fate up to God.