Perpetual Ignorance

So, the moral of today's story is: No matter how cute, well dressed and articulate you are - my job has taught me that at the end of the day, ignorant racist bastards still see us as poor, dumb black kids. Ignore my college education, fine fabrics and well manicured hair and nails. Talking to me like I'm some kind of peasant. Mad cuz my friends and I will be taking those corporate jobs and waterfront houses from your spoiled kids. And grandkids - cuz trust - my children will be far better than I. Hold that, you old, wrinkly - b...


I won't even allow these people to provoke such words from me. It just never ceases to amaze me, that after all these years of supposed progression - we still get the same level of treatment from certain people. I come in here - always dressed appropriately, always well spoken, always polite. Yet I can't seem to get the same respect in return. I wonder if it's a generational thing - the last of the ignorant breed. Cuz I get a lot of it from old people of many races. The black ones think I'm acting siditty, while the white ones think I'm beneath them. I don't even deserve a greeting. What a shame.


((Tangent: Shoutout to the old black man who couldn't stop staring at me as he pretended to walk by reading a magazine)) 


So Here's How It Went:
   An old, British woman needed help with a vitamin. I took her to what she was looking for, but it wasn't exactly like the trial size she had in her hand. I explained to her that the trial size's description would be a condensed version of what's on the actual box. She said maybe the (white) fellow over there would know what the answer was. I just gave her the answer. So I proceeded to read the box - and point out to her, that if she read as well - she would find the same paraphrased description, in different words. She says. "Smart little girl, aren't you." 
I ignore her. She proceeds to look at me for a response. I feigned a disinterested grin and walked off. 


She comes to the booth, and asks me if I'm new. Since we all look alike, and I have a new haircut - I allowed her that - and told her no. She THEN decided to actually look at my face, and goes - "I think I've met you before. You go to a university. In Miami, right?" No b*tch. Boca. "Oh, it IS nice there. Bla, bla, bla, bla." Oh okay, now that you realize that I'm not some underprivileged hoodbooger - it's okay to talk to me, huh? Well, I kindly concluded our conversation and sent her on her jolly way. Fuming inside, grinning outside. Thank you, Mother - for the gift of composure. Cuz I tell you... 




I suppose I should be used to this. But at this point in my life - I refuse to let anyone treat me like some low rate skanky hoodrat. I know there are people out there who don't deserve respect. But I am not one of them. This woman today truly pushed my last button, and somehow I still managed to keep it all inside - dispite the fact that I wanted to ring her wrinkly little neck til she turned blue. Because I won't perpetuate a stereotype. I won't snap my neck and call you all types of B's, and possibly lose my job cuz I beat your ass. I'll smile, let you go - and get as rich as I can so I can treat you as nicely as possible when you leave MY store. Hope I hire some of your grandkids... 

Fantasy VS Reality...

And so I realize, I am in love with an idea - a concept, if you will. The idea that a human can find their soulmate, after trial and error - and be with that person for eternity. Call me a hopeless romantic.


I am learning in my travels - that this concept is flawed. While it can prove to be true, there are loads of details that seem to be missing in between. Which details are missing? I suppose the countless moments of potential heartache, the nights of tears, the feelings of hopelessness. It's all too familiar to me. Although it's hard to pinpoint when they began.


You see - I've spent my life on a quest to find "The One," and like Zelda - I have stopped and talked to people along the way. It has helped me realize that there are so many aspects to finding love - some of which I have yet to define, most of which I never will. The problem is - I don't give up easily. Whether this is a positive trait or my iminent demise, I'm not sure. All of my teenaged years were spent with a character whom I thought was Prince Charming. He cared for me, did everything in his power to make me happy for the first seven years. Towards the end of our saga, he "evolved" into a creature of misery, dragging me slowly but surely into a pit of despair and unhappiness. That journey has ended. But I feel like the next might lead me in the same direction.


What's a traveler to do?


Bobby Caldwell said it best: "Girl, you think you're so wise..."
I thought I was, but all that knowledge is failing me now. Wonder what's next...

Lost

I feel like - you're lost
In a sea of your own thoughts.
Words jumbled in your mind like
Obstacles in the road.
No matter how you swerve,
Drunkenly clutch the wheel
Of your life - you just can't seem
To take control.

Miles of this road called life,
And all the trees start to look
The same. Mind weary, eyes drooping
The road begins to twist -
The lines to blur.
When does it spin out of control?
Look left, look right
Not a human being for miles.
Frantically you spin the wheel
Praying for Lady Luck's gentle kiss
As you crash - the airbag deploys
Alas, the comfort of safety
- that's me.

Twenty Three - Life Drama Free

So. Yesterday was my birthday. I turned twenty three and here I am. I must say - I'm pretty proud of myself. Living on my own, full time working - no jail, no children, clothes on my back, food in my mouth. I am grateful to simply be alive at this point. With "so much troooouble in the world (Bob Marley voice)" - it's so easy to wake up dead nowadays. Over the course of the year, so many people from back home have been shot and killed, killed themselves, etcetera - it's saddening and a bit disheartening. 


{{Tangent: You ever just want to sit and be quiet? Not possible right now.}} 


Anyway - my life has taken me in some pretty interesting directions. I've lost people I love, loved people I lost - and now I'm focused on trying to live my own life. Find out where I want to be, who I want to be there with and how I want to get there.  I think I just want to be happy. It's really hard to pinpoint how I go about that. I feel like I want so much - but what exactly do I want? I want love, I want my friends to be around, I need my family. How do I balance that? This is the croasroads that I've reached during this birthday celebration. 


I'm sorry. I'm being super distracted right now. I'll be back. Forgive me...   


Sorry. Someone kept talking to me. I'm back now with full focus.


I finally know what I want in life. I want to be married with children, with a spouse that I love doing a job I enjoy making money that can last for a few generations. There's a few ways to achieve these goals and I plan on trying all of them. I have people in my life who are happy to support me in whatever I choose to do, with none of them judging me in any way. I can't ask for much more than that. I have to thank God every morning for the human beings in my life - because it took me years to build relationships like this. Considering that I basically started from scratch. Most of my old friends got wiped out of my atmosphere, with the exception of a small few. 


I think there came a time in some of our lives when we realized that all the drama and violence of small town Mt. Vernon left no room for progression. I don't have  to be on 7Days 7Nights to know I had a good time last weekend. I don't have to have hundreds of men calling my phone every day to know I'm desirable. The bottom line became the fact that we want more out of our lives. Some of us had to leave to get more. I wouldn't be living on my own in NY. I think I'd be stocking up on nice things, living with Mom dukes, and trying to be seen all the time. Not because that was my personality, but because that seems to be the norm. I'm far from normal, but even I was brainwashed back then. Gone are the days. 


We've got a few obstacles ahead, but I see a lot of big things for all our futures. Guarantee on my way to the top - all of you are coming with me. You ready? Twenty three, born on 6/23 - that must be something good...

"Fiend"

Well, you know what they say -
"Never serve where you sleep"
But it's more than a deal
This transaction runs deep
He's my pusher
Got the work that keeps me going
Please don't stop,
Cuz I'm a fiend
Leave you praying, but knowing
I'll be back - just like that
Soon as supply runs low
Hit the spot, bust the lick
Gotta leave, don't wanna go

Got me going through withdrawal
Every time I try to quit
Cuz that feeling just gets better
Every time I take a hit
I need therapy
What's the remedy
To the drug I know as you
Gets the best of me
Be the death of me
Unless I say
My craving's through
But I won't
Cuz I can't
So what's the next best substitute
There's no other
No better drugger
So I guess, for now - you'll do.

- Kimi

Gone, Baby Gone...

"Cuz I know you got to get your hustle on..." 

"Gone Baby, Don't Be Long" - Erykah Badu 

((New Amerykah Pt. 2))

Oh, oh, ohhhh,
Oh, ohhhh, oh

Du ru
Du Du Du ru
Du ru
Du ru
Du ru
Du Du Du ru
Du Du Du ru
Du ru

[Chorus Erykah Badu]
As the the winds blows in passing
Baby I could fall in love with you
Where you go, where you go
baby, What you do
You know you gotta get your hustle on
So baby gone, baby gone, don’t be long.
Baby gone, baby gone, don’t be long.
Wu Wuu
Baby gone, baby gone, don’t be long.
Baby gone, baby gone, don’t be long.

Verse 1
Where you going why don’t you stop
Baby what’s the rush.
You got me felling like a girl with the faintest crush. (hey)
Where you go, where you go,
I miss you much.
But I know you gotta get your hustle on.

Chorus
Gone, Gone Baby gone baby, don’t be long.
Gone Baby gone baby, don’t be long.
ooh ooooh
Gone Baby gone baby, don’t be long.
I know you gotta get your hustle on.
Gone Baby gone baby, don’t be long.
Gone Baby gone baby, don’t be long.
ooh oooh
Gone Baby gone baby, don’t be long.
I know you gotta get your hustle on.

verse 2
I can’t wait to see what you do
Its not too much to follow you through
I can’t wait to see what you be
Go be here cause I believe
So don’t go
There is only one thing I’m still asking
Why I feel you masking
If its love that you feel that is really real
And I know you gotta get your hustle on.
You laugh baby laugh what’s the rush
When we touch I wanna know if its love or lust
I fell like a girl with the faintest crush
And I know you gotta get your hustle on.

[Chorus Erykah Badu]
Gone, Gone Baby gone baby, don’t be long. (gone baby)
Gone Baby gone baby, don’t be long.
(Uu Uuuu)
Gone Baby gone baby, don’t be long.
Gone Baby gone baby, don’t be long.
I can’t wait to see how you move. (how you move)
I try to watch what you do what you do (what you do)
I can’t wait to see what you be
Go be here cause I believe
So don’t go, baby.
Gone Baby gone baby, don’t be long.
(Uu Uuuu)
So, gone Baby gone baby, don’t be long.
Gone baby, don’t be long.
Don’t be long
Uuu, baby don’t be long.

((Lyrics via)) eLyricsworld.com

So, I've been here for days and I haven't spent time with him since I touched down.


And simply put - it's because he's out there on  the grind. I've got to respect that. Actually, it's one of the traits I love about him. He's not afraid to work hard, and while everyone was out drinking and acting up last night - he was working a double, out there getting/keeping his money right. 


As I lay in bed alone, I wonder how tired he must be - how ready he is to go home. I could never be selfish and get upset about it - who doesn't want a hard working man to love?


Am I complaining? Nah, just pouring some thoughts out. 


Keep hustling, baby. It'll all pay off in the long run.  

On This Father's Day...

Remember Daddy's Little Girl?


The one that used to wait for you to get home from work every night, and yell your name as you walked in the door. The one who'd jump on your legs and make you carry her across the room? Not realizing how tired you were from being on the grind all day. Yet, you'd drag my little body like you just woke up; lifting each child-covered leg until the job was complete. Remember all those times you had to visit your clients - and leave us in the car to wait? We'd gripe and complain, not realizing that all that hustling was helping put food on the table every night. How you'd put your name on the birthday gifts Mom would buy - we'd giggle about how cheap you were, failing to notice the birthday cake and parties every year. Remember that?

Daddy's Little Girl got snatched away at twelve, when her innocence was stolen. The girl who came home was far from the one you used to know. "Why can't I go to that party?" Crying and complaining when she couldn't go out - not knowing about shootouts and kidnappers, rapists and gangs. Calling you overprotective, when all you wanted to do was keep her safe. Oh, if she would've listened to you more during those years - how better her life would've been. All the lectures she ignored, all the times she snuck out the house - all because of lost girls who had no one to say "NO!" I tried so hard to be those girls - they had all the fun! No father to tell them what to do, no man to stop them from partying, having sex, stealing. No one to tuck them in at night, take them on vacations - to care for them. We fought each other tooth and nail for so long - ignoring the love that was   pouring down the drain. What time wasted. 

Lost Girl turned into Young Woman, and you stuck by her side. The advice started making sense because she started listening. Realizing you watched her boyfriend so hard out of concern - where is he now? Sorry. All those times I stayed in and didn't party - how many of those girls came home with fight wounds? The nights when I couldn't sleep over their houses - how many of those girls came home with babies? How many went to jail, got burned, were killed? The home I called Alcatraz was actually a fortress of protection, shielding me from danger. You kept me there to keep me from the gritty, real, dirty world. I lived my life, but I learned so many valuable lessons because you force fed them. I respect that now. 


Young Woman has a lot more growing to do, and you've let go of the reins and allowed her to live. No matter how far she goes, the memories travel with her. I'll never forget you trying to comb my hair in second grade, or the night you made oxtail with ketchup and water because Mom was out of town. I won't forget the weekends at the pier, when you'd drag us on your client visits and let us play by the shore. All those little things made us who we are, you played your part by accident sometimes - but the sentiment remains. Your presence created the respectable man and woman you see before you, and your wisdom continues in the footsteps of my little sister. We love you, and I'm just happy you were here. Not too many girls can say the same. 


On that note - Happy Father's Day. I'll see you for dinner this weekend - just let me do the cooking. 

NY Thuggin - Summer Edition

"Nobody rubs you better than me, Kitty." lol - she ran away after I said that. 

My travels have truly been an adventure this weekend. Spirit flight attendants decided not to show up for work yesterday morning - leaving myself and hundreds of others stranded from 4 - I didn't get into NY until about 1:30pm! Between the griping customers and the amount of revenue Spirit lost - I was strung out, hungry and jet lagged by the time I touched down. Add my NYC bus and train journey to the mix, and I was exhausted! Nevertheless, my Jaz is here, as well as my Chan - so it's bound to be a good weekend. 


I've found that my trips go better if I limit the amount of people that know I'm here. Less tweeting, less Facebook - more quality time with my loved ones. It sucks when people hit me up asking if they're going to see me, and I just can't be in eight places at once. So, from now on - I'm in "mosquito mode" for most of my trips. How can you want to see me and we barely speak in between time? I don't think so. I honestly think that solitude is one of God's free forms of therapy, and I've got "all I need in this life of sin" right about now...

I need serious time to clear my mind. And there's only a few people in this world that truly get me enough to allow me to do so. Over the past few months, I've eradicated some serious leeches, liars, thieves, losers, bums, backstabbers out my life - and the load feels so much better. After that spring cleaning, I realize that I now have the challenge of deciding what moves I'd like to make in my life. I'll be 23 in a matter of days, and while life is not definite - I'd like to have a better detailed game plan in place. There's so many things I want to do with my world! 


{{Tangent: I just had the craziest out-of-body experience in the bathroom! Let's hope I was in the bathroom...}}


One of my biggest decisions is not to attend college next semester. It's a choice that I've been getting a lot of flack and various comments for. I've come to the conclusion that if what I am sowing is not bearing fruit, I need to find different soil to plant in. Therefore, I'll be pursuing goals in my life that don't require textbooks, tuition and wasted time. After the following school year - I will resume my studies refreshed, and finally graduate into the next realm - of higher education. ::Sigh:: I'm tired of constant studying. Hope you guys don't judge me too hard- but quite frankly - only God has true say in what I do. Anyway - I promise I won't disappoint any of you. 


I have a multitude of plans, projects and ideas I'd love to get off the ground - and college has nothing to do with them. I commend my schoolmates who have already graduated, but look around - they're all still living like me! Granted, some of them will truly be thrown into the real world, others will remain stagnant, searching for that degree-related job. Some will find a job immediately and get rich and move on with their lives - that - is the small minority. Others, like myself - will veer off the beaten path and take a chance at what may be along the way. Success or failure, it's like - "what we gon' have, desert or disaster?" Won't know until I sit down to dine.  

So, I have every intention to enjoy my life. I even had time to start a new painting, and work on housebreaking these puppies. I'm actually starting to feel like I have a purpose again - like life is actually fulfilling. I think vacation did it to me; I got so stuck in the rut of work, school, "sleep," repeat. It turns you into a monster - something you don't even realize you've become. And it's not a good feeling at all. So, I anticipate the day when my life will be fulfilled to the max, when I have all the things I've wanted and dreamed about. I'll go back to school refreshed and ready for the world, finish that feat and go on to the next. Marriage? Kids? Who knows what's next. I just know if I don't do something different, I "might don't make it." 


Moral of the story: "Love, Live, Life - Proceed, Progress" ((Weezy voice)) Who'da thunk, that man would actually say something valuable? 

After the Rain...

We've been going through a crazy few weeks in my family. My aunt had hip replacement surgery, Grandma had surgery that I wasn't even notified of. Now, Spirit's pilots have gone on strike, and consequently, Mom has been forced to take a week off with no pay. This is a temporary fix, of course - but we don't even know if the pilots will accept the offer on the table. If they don't - the fate of thousands of jobs lie in the balance. 

It's devastating to me, because of the sacrifices that my Mom took when she accepted this job in the first place. She took a pay cut from her previous job in NY, and she's got a boatload of responsibilities. Working there as an intern, I realize how difficult the jobs can truly be - and my mom is a soldier for sticking around. So when something like this hits - it hits hard. 

I can't lie - Mom has been taking this way better than I have. I sat at my apartment and cried. Cried and prayed, after she called me. Prayed that the pilots would accept what's on the table and move forward. It just seems that things aren't looking any more positive today than they were yesterday. It's a constant emotional struggle for me - so I can just imagine how employees are feeling. Flight attendants can't fly, customer service people stay home - and even Mom and her friends at corporate are in the dark about a lot of things. All we can do is watch, pray and wait. I know something good will come of this - I just can't figure out what. 

Note to Self: Learn how not to cry during every crisis. 

Insomnia

A restless heart
That cannot be contained.
You've got the key to the locket
But it's slipped off the chain.
- Kimi

Puppy Love

Sooo - the puppies have been home for three days now. Man, what a workout.

No shots fired, but I have been doing a large majority of the workload with the pups. Jan's at work, and I'm on vacation - so I gladly hold up the parenting for now.  I've been transporting them in the car, because they couldn't be left home unattended. I de-flea'd them the first day they came home, although I was told they shouldn't have been exposed to any sort of flea products until ten weeks. They were riddled with fleas! I couldn't let them suffer, so I used Hartz Deep Conditioning Flea Shampoo. A day later, they still had a couple fleas lingering, so the ones I couldn't catch - I tried to bathe off again. Fleas can get onto people, too - and I refuse to have myself or Jan itching like madpeople. I've been mixing powdered puppy milk for them 3-4 times a day, as they have two more weeks to be weaned off the milk. By my birthday, they should be onto solids. Can't wait!

Anywhoo - our apartment is huge, so we set them up in the kitchen. It's reccomended that they stay in a central location until they've been housebroken. The baby gate was too large to pardon off half the kitchen, so we just keep them enclosed in the entire space until we can get a bigger gate. So far -they've peed a total of 362 times in the kitchen and living room. Shelby managed to pee in a spot on my bedroom carpet - which I promptly cleaned up. I foresee weeks more of this, unless I cave and send Shelby to puppy school. That costs money - therefore she can continue to pee on my tile. They have started to use the newspaper, but it's gonna take a while for them to get used to it, I suppose.

(Kush is the collared boy, and Shelby is the wild and free girl)

They are extremely playful, and seem to already know who they belong to. Shelby gets up and walks to me when I go into the kitchen, even if both of them were sleeping. She's a sweetheart, and is smart enough to know not to pee on Mommy when she's being held. I can't wait for the training phase to be over, so she can finally sleep in my room. For now - the kitchen will do just fine.

Ooop - gotta go! It's time for them to get more milk. Gotta run home. 

Stay tuned for the next episode of - "Puppy Love"

House Training

I am seriously going to need these articles. The puppies are just peeing everywhere! 

House Training - via pededucation.com

Q.

What are the best methods for house training a puppy?

A.

If your dog is going to live inside the home, and in America over 90% of our pets do, you are going to have to go through the housebreaking process unless you have grossly different hygienic standards than most. It is not hard, it need not be messy, and it need not be a struggle. It does not have to take a long time. Remember that it is a training issue and you will need to have more than casual input. It will take some of your time but the more involved you get, the shorter that span will be. The Rules House Training Rule Number One: This is The Most Important Rule – If you don't catch your puppy doing it - then don't punish him for it! House Training Rule Number Two: Praise your puppy when things go right. Don't let this be a situation where your only action is saying "No" when they are caught in the midst of using the wrong area. If they do it right – let them know! Methods of house training Starting Inside: There are several ways to housebreak a puppy. With the first, you can put down papers or pretreated pads, encouraging them to use these areas for going to the bathroom. The pads are scented with a chemical that attracts the puppy to use them. Whenever you see them starting into their "pre-potty pattern," such as walking around and sniffing the floor, you gently pick them up without talking and carry them over to the papers/pad and then praise them when they go to the bathroom (Rule 2). When all goes well and they are using the papers consistently, the papers are either moved closer to the door and/or another set is placed outside. The transition is made from concentrating the toilet habits to one spot inside the home to one spot outside the home. Finally, the papers inside are eliminated. The only problem with this method is that for a period of time it encourages the animal to eliminate inside the home. In our experience, house training may take longer when this method is used. Crate Training: The second popular method of house training involves the use of a crate or cage. The often-stated reasoning is that the animal is placed in a cage that is just large enough to be a bed. Dogs do not like to soil their beds because they would be forced to lay in the mess. It works, and while in these confines, most pups will control their bladder and bowels for a longer time than we would expect. Young puppies, at 8 or 9 weeks of age can often last for 7 or 8 hours, however, we would never recommend leaving them unattended in a crate for that long in most circumstances. During housebreaking, whenever the puppy is inside the home but cannot be watched, he is placed in the crate. This might be while you are cooking, reading to the children, or even away from the home. The last thing you do before you put the puppy in the crate is take him outside to his favorite spot. The first thing you do when you take the animal out of the crate is another trip outside. No food or water goes in the crate, just a blanket and maybe a chew toy to occupy his time. Overnight is definitely crate time. As your faith in the puppy grows, leave him out for longer and longer periods of time. Most people do not recognize an important advantage of crate training. It does more than just stop the animal from messing in the house. It also teaches the puppy something very important. The puppy learns that when the urge to urinate or defecate occurs, he can hold it. Just because the pup feels like he needs to relieve himself, the pup learns that he does not have to. This is thought to be the main reason why puppies that have gone through crate training have fewer mistakes later on. Make sure you buy the right size cage. You want one that has the floor space that provides just enough for the puppy to lie down. But cages are useful throughout a dog's life and it would be nice if you did not have to keep buying more as he grows. That is not necessary. Simply purchase a cage that will be big enough for him as an adult, but choose a model that comes with or has a divider panel as an accessory. With these, you can adjust the position of the panel so that the space inside the cage available to the pet can grow as he does. Using too large of a crate can often cause long term problems. The puppy will go to one corner of the cage and urinate or defecate. After a while, he will then run through it tracking it all over the cage. If this is allowed to continue, the instincts about not soiling his bed or lying in the mess will be forgotten and the puppy will soon be doing it every day when placed in the crate. Now a house training method has turned into a behavioral problem as the puppy’s newly-formed hygienic habits becomes his way of life. Constant Supervision: The last method involves no papers, pads, or crates. Rather, you chose to spend all the time necessary with the puppy. This works very well for people who live and work in their homes, retired persons, or in situations where the owners are always with the animal. Whenever they see the puppy doing his "pre-potty pattern" they hustle him outside. It is important that the dog is watched at all times and that no mistakes are allowed to occur. This method has less room for error, as there is nothing like a cage to restrict the animal's urges, nor is there a place for him to relieve himself such as on the papers or pad. When he is taken outside, watch the puppy closely and as soon as all goes as planned, he should be praised and then brought back inside immediately. You want the dog to understand that the purpose for going outside was to go to the bathroom. Do not start playing, make it a trip for a reason. Verbal communications help this method and we will discuss them soon. For those with the time, this is a good method. We still recommend having a crate available as a backup when the owners have to be away from the animal. Verbal cues Specific verbal communications will also help the two of you understand what is desired. It is an excellent idea to always use a word when it is time to head to the bathroom. We like "Outside?" Remember that whenever you use a verbal command or signal, it is important that everybody in the family always uses the same word in the same way. Think of the word "Outside" in this situation not only as a question you are asking the pup, but also as an indication that you want to go there. Some dogs may get into the habit of going to the door when they want to go outside. This is great when it happens but it is not as common as some believe. We have found that it is better to use verbal commands to initiate this sort of activity rather than waiting for the puppy to learn this behavior on his own. It seems like your consistent use of a word or phrase like "Outside" will cause the puppy to come to you rather than the door when he needs to go outside. The pup quickly sees you as part of the overall activity of getting to where he needs to go. We believe this is much better. Once outside, we try to encourage the pup to get on with the act in question. We use the phrase "Do your numbers." This is probably a holdover from our own parenthood and hearing children use the "Number 1" or "Number 2" phrases. Others use 'Do It,' 'Potty,' or 'Hurry Up.' As soon as they eliminate, it is very important to praise them with a "Good Dog" and then come back inside immediately. Again, make this trip that started outside with a specific word "Outside" be for a purpose. If we are taking the pup out to play with a ball or go for a walk we will not use this word even if we know they will eliminate while we are outside. When an 'accident' happens One of the key issues in housebreaking is to follow Rule Number One: If you do not catch your puppy doing it, then do not punish him for it! We do not care what someone else may tell you or what you read, if you find a mess that was left when you were not there, clean it up and forget it. Discipline will not help because unless you catch the puppy in the act, he will have no idea what the scolding is for. Your puppy has urinated and defecated hundreds of times before he met you. Mom or the breeder always cleaned it up. Nobody made a fuss before and the pup will not put the punishment, regardless of its form, together with something he has done without incident numerous times before. Especially if he did it more than 30 seconds ago! Puppies are just like our children. Unless something was really fun (and a repetitious act like going to the bathroom is not), they are not thinking about what they did in the past. They are thinking about what they can do in the future. At this point in his life a puppy's memory is very, very poor. Anyway, let us face it. It was your fault, not the pup's. If you had been watching, you would have noticed the puppy suddenly walking or running around in circles with his nose down smelling for the perfect spot to go to the bathroom. It is just as consistent as the taxi cab driver behind you honking immediately when the light changes. The puppy will show the same behavior every time. It may vary a little from pup to pup but they always show their own "pre-potty pattern" before the act. The same should be said as to your first reaction when you actually catch them in the act of urinating or defecating. It is your fault, you were not watching for or paying attention to the signals. Do not get mad. Quickly, but calmly pick them up and without raising your voice sternly say "No." Carry them outside or to their papers. It will help to push their tail down while you are carrying them as this will often help them to stop urinating or defecating any more. They are going to be excited when you get them outside or to the papers, but stay there with them a while and if they finish the job, reward them with simple praise like "Good Dog." House Training Rule Number One: If you don't catch your puppy doing it, then don't punish him for it! In the disciplining of dogs, just like in physics, every action has a reaction and for training purposes these may not be beneficial! If you overreact and severely scold or scare the heck out of a puppy for making what is in your mind a mistake, your training is probably going backwards. With house training this is especially difficult for them to understand as they are carrying out a natural body function. Carried one step farther is the idea of rubbing a puppy's nose into a mistake he made, whether you caught him or not. In the limits of a puppy’s intelligence, please explain to us the difference of rubbing his nose in his mess he left in your kitchen an hour ago versus the one the neighbor's dog left in the park two weeks ago. If the dog were smart enough to figure all of this out, the only logical choice would be to permanently quit going to the bathroom. Punishment rarely speeds up house training. Often, it makes the dog nervous or afraid every time it needs to go to the bathroom. We will give you a perfect example of how this kind of disciplining causes long-term problems between a dog and his owner. A client makes an appointment to discuss a housebreaking problem. They are hoping that on physical exam or through some testing we can find a medical reason for the animal's inability to successfully make it through housebreaking. They readily admit their frustration with the dog. The fecal and urine tests reveal no problem. In the examination room, the pup is showing a lot more interest in the veterinarian than he is in his owners. The animal's eyes are almost saying, "Please kidnap me from them." When the owner reaches down to pet the dog on his head, the pup reflexively closes his eyes and turns his head to the side. The dog reacts as if he were going to be hit. What this tells us is that the dog has been punished for making messes in the owners' absence. During this punishment the puppy is not, and we repeat, the puppy is not thinking about what he might have done two hours ago. He is not thinking that he should not make messes in the house. The animal is not even thinking about the messes. The classic line that usually goes with this scenario then comes up "When we get home we know he has made a mess because he always sulks or runs and hides!" The dog is not thinking about some mistake he may have made. Rather, the pup has learned that when the people first get home, for some reason he has yet to figure out, they are always in a bad mood and he gets punished. The puppy has decided that maybe he would be better to try to avoid them for awhile so he does try to hide. In this particular case, discipline, misunderstood by the puppy, has caused him to fear his owners and this will probably affect their relationship throughout the life of the dog. If you want house training to go quickly, regardless of the method you use, spend as much time as possible with your puppy. In an exam room, one of us once listened to a client complain about how he had to take some time off from work for his own mental health and also, but unrelated, how the puppy was not doing too well in the house training department. For us this statement was just too good to be true. It was the perfect set-up for our pitch. This gentleman, a bachelor, truly loved his puppy. We saw them together everywhere. Still, the problem was that he worked in a downtown office and the pup was home. His work allowed him to get home frequently but not always on a consistent schedule. There would be accidents when he was gone and sometimes he was gone longer than the abilities or the attention span of the puppy. The solution was easy. We simply suggested his health and the puppy's training would both do better if he stayed home for a week or so. It worked. Under the man's watchful eye, he was always there at the time when he was needed and in less than seven days the ten-week-old puppy was trained. We are not saying there was never another accident, but they were few and far between. In the end, the best of all worlds occurred. The man realized his dog could be trusted, and thereafter, they spent their days together at the man's office. Feeding and house training The feeding schedule you use can help or hinder housebreaking. You will soon notice that puppies will need to go outside soon after they wake and also within 30 to 40 minutes after eating. Be consistent when you feed the animal so you can predict when they need to relieve themselves. Plan your trips outside around these patterns. All of this may seem simple, and it really is. The keys are that it will take time and you must be consistent. And, of course, you must never lose your temper or even get excited. Spontaneous or submissive urination Puppies may spontaneously urinate when excited. This may be when they first see you, at meeting a new dog, or when they are scared. It is often referred to as submissive or excitement urination. Do not discipline the puppy for this, as it is something they cannot control. Simply ignore it and clean up the mess. If you do not overreact, they will usually outgrow this between 4 and 7 months of age. Summary Your new puppy is home and you have started the house training process. This is just as much a part of training as the "Come" and "Stay" commands. However, mistakes that occur with house training can cause more problems between you and your pet than those encountered with any other form of training. Be patient and stay calm.

Airport Thuggin' - LGA Style

So, my flight got cancelled. Spirit Air pilots have been going on strike left and right, and that leaves people like me - stranded. Not to worry too much, I'm bumped onto a later flight, which leaves me two hours to sit and write to you guys. Hmmm. What's on my mind?


Random stuff like this: I met a cute little baby here at the airport. She keeps waving at me, and we've been playing this waving game. I smiled at her parents, and they seemed alright. But, they're a young, Jewish family - and the mom keeps telling the little girl in either Hebrew or Yiddish to come back to her. Now, I'm curious to know if it's simply stranger danger (mind you, I'm like a foot away from the parents), the usual protection of the child - or fear. It's hard to tell. At first, I thought it was fear, but the dad asked me to let them know if she was bothering me. Which is why I never jump to conclusions when it comes to human beings. Cuz you never know what's running through their minds. People are so quick to judge nowadays - it's sad. You never know who you can meet on a fly like this. I've networked with so many people in the airport, because they decided to look past what I'm wearing or my skintone - and engaged in conversation with me. Ignorance is so 1994. 


Anyway - I'm sitting here talking to Him via BBM, and I realize he actually influences me more than he realizes. He's a gym head, and while I fell off when it comes to my weight training over these past few weeks - I keep up my exercise primarily cuz I have to make sure I'm put together for him. I'm pretty sure he doesn't mind either way, but I think part of the reason I gained so much weight in the past, is because my ex never really motivated me to keep my fitness up to par. Some can say it's because he liked the way I was - but others can argue that he just didn't want to point it out. He wasn't much of an excercise buff, anyway. The perils of being naturally slim, I guess? Whatever. I miss my old, fit body - and if I'm gonna be walking next to Rock Candy - I gotta make sure I look just as sweet. 

P.S. - I think my little sister's getting a crush on him. Cuz he has tattoos, and she seems to have a growing affinity for them. She made me draw some on her last night, and when I showed her his picture, she started to blush! Now she can't "wait til I turn 22, I'm gonna have a lottta tattoos, Kim." Look what I've done! She's going to be a little me before I know it. Wait, she already is. It's amazing how she subconsciously adapts my ways and likings. Like the day her godbrother caught her looking at Mustang convertibles online. How does she know I'm a piston head in training? Heaven only knows, but I love her. 

{{ Tangent: For my BBM (Blackberry Messenger) users -you ever wish you could un-send a message? Lol ((Points thumbs to chest)) - that's me right now. }}


Anyway - my vacation continues. I'm expecting two new little puppies to be waiting for my arrival today or tomorrow - so I must go home and prepare. Golly, I haven't had a puppy since I was a little girl. So many things I need to do to dog proof my apartment. Definitely got my work cut out for me. Might need you guys' help on where to put them in the apartment. Not in my room, though - it's carpeted. 


I'm rambling! On to the next post, lol 


And a quick hello to the young lady reading over my shoulder. Hi! ((Happy wave)) 


Ooh, boarding time! See you guys in Florida! 

Sleepless In NY...

So, I think I'm gonna grow weary of NY really soon. My girls have moved out of the state, so that means my frolicking partners have gone and left me. I don't think I can stand another day couped up in this house. Now that I have less people to be with, I end up having more babysitting responsibilities. Not that I mind spending time with the kids, but I get stir crazy after a while. I love being outside, and it's harder to do that when you have an extra weight to carry, and a mouth you have to actually stop and feed periodically. I've been coming here once a month for the past how many months? 


I think I'm going to spread my travels elsewhere. Jaz is moved to the Carolinas now, so I may start road tripping or taking the bus to see her and her family. As much as I love the kids, being in NY with no adult interaction is mind wrecking. He's at work or at play, and stepmom and I don't really engage in too much substantial conversation - so I end up being bored. I already miss the days of laying in Nanny's couch and playing with the cats. 


I hope He decides to come visit me soon, because New York (especially our town) can sometimes be a one trick pony if you're not there for anything special. As much as I love coming to see him, I'm tired. Time to move this party down south. 


So, dear NY - you might not see me for a while. Kiss me goodnight and make sure you're here when I wake up in the morning. I love you! 

Drunken Confessions

I'm in love. That is all.

"Die. "

For you. Enjoy the bitterness the of fruit that shall never ripen... The casket finally drops.

As the pulse of this romance fades,

I feel my heart growing colder,

Colder.

Try as I might to revive the beat -

There's no saving.

This dead, lifeless entity.

A shell of what once was - love eternal.

Only diamonds last forever.

I bury the numbness with booze, Balenciaga bags and boys - none of which can fill the void.

Months pass, the funeral has gone,

The mourning is over, the morning is here.

I console myself, and push on.

In my chest plate, I plant a garden.

Remembrance of a love lost.

The flowers bloom,

Busy bees swarm,

Longing for the sweet nectar of a fresh rose.

A new, better gardener tends to it daily, nurturing and watering the beauty

That grew out of pain.

I pour out a drop from the spout, before the water sprinkles down.

When I reminisce over you - my god.

 - By: Kimani Fisher 2010

{{My Life - According To Me}} - Vacation Edition

Soooo - as you all may know,  I've taken a much needed vacation from work and school, to take time and relax. So far, it has been quite pleasant, with a few bums in the road (yes, I said that right). I've managed to squeeze in timw with my family, and my friends joined up in the melee. My right hand, Jazzie visited me in transit to her new home in South Carolina. I didn't want to let her go, but she, my left hand, Chan and I took our travels to SoBe for some rest and relaxation. Ended up being quite a trip, with lots of laughs, minimal booze and an overall even sunburn. I need this time with my girls, it brings sunshine to this sometimes dreary and boring lifestyle that living in Florida can bring. Don't get me wrong, it's sunny most of the time - but there's no excitement like NY city life. Especially when your closest friends are scattered across the country. Thank God for family.

In other news, I found out my ex is having a baby. Via what seems to be the information highway - Twitter. A friend of mine told me he had a new Twitter account, and silly me, I went over and peeked at it. Yeah, the young lady's about a month or so along - and I can't lie, it hit me kind of hard. I had a good cry in the car for about ten minutes - then Jaz slapped me out of it. How can I sit and cry over my past, while I'm laughing with my future? It wouldn't be fair to Him for me to feel that way, and besides - that relationship is officially part of my old life. My new future looks pretty darn bright from what I can see. So that being said - deuces to you! I wish him nothing but the best with his new "family," and I can only hope that I receive the same blessing when the time is right. I'm finally living a real adult life, and I've got plenty of time to worry about having children - so for now, we'll live it up. I love where my new relationship is going, so let's stick around for the ride. Sh*t is still crazy, though. 

Anywhoo - my vacation continues tomorrow, when I fly out to New York. Time to spend some time with my siblings and my ♥. It's been almost a month since I've seen them, and I've got to admit - I've missed them all. I can't wait to play with the kids, and I definitely can't wait to act a fool with Him and his friends. The laughter and smiles just don't stop when he's around - and that's still a refreshing feeling. Heheh, I think I'll just stare at him for a while, soak in the sights. 

((Tangent: I'm at Mom's crib waiting to take her to the airport. Kudos to her for leaving her cell phone upstairs. Good thing I'm not calling her, cuz I definitely hear it ringing... ))

By the way - shoutouts to my Phantom Readers; some of you seem to think my thoughts about this life of mine don't amount to much. I thank you for taking the time out of your busy lives to read my thoughts, regardless. Your decision to do so adds much more value to these words - don't they? Enjoy reading - whoever you are... Women lie, men lie - hit counts don't. 

Love you all! More blogs to come, I promise!