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As I move forward in life, I've started to realize how truly naive I've been in my thought processes. How I evaluate my relationships with people, how I let them affect my life. I have been wrong. I've put too much faith in people. Too much trust into the idea that most human beings are genuine in their actions and perceptions of others. I spent most of my younger years actually trusting people; those who were unworthy of such an honor. Trust is truly golden.
I walked around with my heart on my shoulder, and people were often successful in ripping it off and taking pieces of it as they saw fit. I hurt as a result of it. I would sacrifice what I wanted to ensure other people's happiness and in the end, I would pay the cost. So, as the years go by - I learn to harden my heart somewhat; so that while it's on my sleeve it won't suffer so much damage. This plan is working. I'm at a happy point in my life, satisfied with how things are going - and positive for the future.
That being said, I feel like there are some people in my life who are displeased with this. People I would least expect. I feel the bitterness and resentment pulsing off of them in the slightest, most subtle ways. Maybe not doing things to hurt me, but doing things to spite me. Make sense? And I started to see it. And it hurt.
But what can I do? If you feel I'm progressing better than you, or that things happen to me the way you'd like them to happen to you. How can I change that? How can mistreating me make your life any better?
SMH. Cutting your nose off to spite your face.
At first I felt like I was doing something wrong, when all I'm doing is living my life! If you see something you want on someone else, don't covet it. Go out and get it yourself! I was
So, prepare yourself.
I love this because it's some REAL shit & thanks for exposing your true feelings for the world to see. I'd never for a second think that you would have any self-esteem issues; you've always kept a smile on your face but I see sometimes you haven't always been so happy. At the end of the day, you're human and you can't please them all. Continue to make YOURSELF proud - I'm rooting for you!!
ReplyDeleteThanks E! The self-esteem issues were way back in high school, though. Once I reached college I started to realize the people who used to tear my down and try to make me feel bad about myself just didn't want me to realize my potential or beauty even. My mom always taught me to have confidence, I just had to find it first. Nowadays I realize I can care for others and still make time to take care of myself. Didn't know it was possible before. I'll never go back to that, I can only go forward. Keep doin your thing, E - I love you!!
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