||Falling Into Ruinz||

My alltime favorite hobby right now is working on KidRobot toys. I've been doing it for about a year now, and each one that I do looks a little better than the one I did before. This last one took me about two months to do - and the irony involved in this character makes me laugh. I guess I'll do this in chronological order, lol It all started with a can of paint...
I splurged on the Montana paint ($20 a pop) - had a bit of trouble using it, but umm - I took a trip back to the art supply store and felt like an idiot when the woman took the safety off... lol It started out beautifully. The spray comes out exactly like the top of the can - hence the name Gold Chrome. It had an awesome sheen to it, and I had this whole theme in my mind for when I was done spraying. I left it out to dry and went to work. Of course, as fate would have it - it rained that evening while I was gone. When I got home - the water had gotten under the first layer of paint, and gave the spray an old, beat up look. So then I was thinkin 'cool, I can do an antiqued look and keep it moving.' I continued my project.

I beaded the arms one bead at a time. It took about a week to do each arm. That may have been my favorite part (aside from inhaling the spray paint fumes). It hurt my eyes, but a part of the fun is the challenge of putting things together.

Every evening after work, I spent a little time working on the beading. I knew what I wanted out of the project, but I wasn't sure how I wanted it to look. I named him Ruinz when I put the last bead on the arm. I used my Krink paint for the bleeding heart - and the project was complete.

Then, to finish it off - I grabbed my new can of shellack to glaze the entire thing, so the paint will never get messed up. I initially bought the new can for a project that was more heavy duty. As I start spraying, I didn't notice the paint pulling back from the figure. As soon as I stopped spraying - the paint was dripping off the face. I. almost. died.

I watched the paint drip down, and I felt like all that work just got ruined (no pun intended). I was mad all day. When I got home, and the shellack had dried - I took another look at the figure - and I started to see it differently. It actually looked nice. I decided not to give up on it, and I made the treasure chest to put it inside. I'm still working on that part.



If you look closely, you can see where the paint drips off to one side. Yeah, that's how I paint...

The whole project brought me to some interesting conclusions. Sometimes, when we have a certain plan in mind - we try so hard to follow through with it. We spend so much of our life working towards this plan, towards these specific goals - that when things fall out of place -we don't always know what to do. Sometimes, we have to see things at face value. If it's not working the way we planned - we've got to be smart enough to take another approach.

I think Ruinz came out pretty good. I hope Michael likes him. Cuz this is part deux of his birthday present. You didn't think a C++ book was gonna be enough, did you??

{{Un Ano Mas}} - Happy Born Day

Soo - my birthday weekend has officially ended. I must say, I had a blast. Minimal conflict = maximum enjoyment. I wasn't even mad when the rain cancelled my pool party.
The rain was beautiful - I loved running back and forth as the shower came in (minus the lightning, of course).Almost all the people I wanted there were there. All I ever want in life is to be around those I love, so when I can get most of them together in one happy place, I am overloaded with joy. First off - on my actual b'day (June 23) - I was greeted after work with Strawberry Cheesecake (my favorite!) I get excited about everything - but cheesecake is something I am truly passionate about. The cake was wonderful. I got a cupcake from a co-worker, and some Laceys, too. Definitely a sweeet birthday... Mom did her traditional Miss Lou (Jamaican) Birthday song and dance for me. I love when she does that, lol. It's silly, but I feel like I'm five again each time.

{{Tangent: I guess I really should get my driver's license turned around now, eh? I've been legal for two years already, and it still says Under 21 Until June 23, 2008}}

Anyway - it was an eventful week. I went to a Tanya Stephens concert. If you don't know who she is - Tanya Stephens is basically the Lauryn Hill of Dancehall culture. She speaks her heart, her mind, her soul - with a distinct voice and sound. She's got a gang of hits - "These Streets," "It's A Pity," and "Handle Di Ride" are a few to mention. "Be With You" is one of my favorites, though - where she lists famous men in the Dancehall industry and tells why she won't sleep with them. Her concert was intimate - mainly because we were in front of the stage (cuz the club was packed), and she was very warm and comfortable with the crowd. The highlights of the night for me were the white gentleman who bought her a drink while she was onstage, and a white dread young lady who knew every lyric. The dude impressed me not because he was white, but because he had to school this black dude on who Tanya Stephens is. That was awesome. Never mind that I danced my belt sideways, I was vibin too hard.

One thing I can say about my life - is that I am happiest when my family's around - no matter what the circumstances. We went Lazer Tagging instead of the traditional after-birthday club thing - and it was off the chain. People don't understand how thrilling running around in the dark can truly be.

{{Tangent: I'm watching the BET Awards - Keri Hilson is so beautiful. She's absolutely radiant.}}

Anywhoo - back to my family. Regardless of how much money we have or spend on an event - we always enjoy ourselves. We don't even have to go anywhere - but put us in a public place - and it's pure mayhem. Lazer Tag was no different. We were in the parking lot for at least an hour - dancing and talking - we had a family discussion about Michael Jackson and everything. I love my family to death. Not to mention we ride or die - but that's another discussion...




I was stalking Cousin Jan the whole night...



Followed by the usual spot, Denny's. Little known fact (soon to be well known) - sometimes when my insomnia is extra difficult, I drive to the same Denny's and order cheesecake and a cup of tea... Then I go home, and go to sleep.


We got stalked by a Denny's employee - who stared at us all night, which was pretty creepy. If you look in the background, you may see him lurking...




I learned a few things I already knew this birthday. Life is painfully short. A lot of times we as human beings focus on the aspects that don't truly matter in our worlds. When I'm on my death bed, I don't want to be thinking about all the bad things I've said or thought - I want to reflect on the things I enjoyed, the good I've left behind. I hope that keeping a positive attitude throughout my life will pay off in the end. My ultimate goal is to genuinely be happy. I think I'm on the right path. We must learn to cherish the small things. If you have only one friend - love that friend. Appreciate that friend. Make sure they know how much you do. If you have two dollars to your name, appreciate it. Spend wisely. There are few things in life that we can control - but the one thing we have power over is our attitudes throughout life. I go through every day thanking God for what I have, and who I share it with. Regardless of how much money I have (or don't have), or all the obstacles that come my way - this positive vibe is what keeps me going. I'm proud of that.

Thanks to everyone who shared my birthday with me. I am appreciative of all that I received, and everyone who showed me love. I can truly say I am happy - and it's all your fault. I hope you're proud of that. {{shakes finger}}

{{Fatherhood: The Paradigm Vs. The Paradox...}}

And the beat goes onnn...

So - gimme your definition of a father, and I'll give you mine. A father is the one who holds your hair as you puke with a stomach virus (an even better father catches puke as you run to the toilet). A father helps you with your math homework - even if he's pretending to know the answers. A father may not be able to kiss you goodnight every night - but he makes sure you see each other for more than an hour a week. I could do this all day. When I was little, I was a daddy's girl. There's nothing you could do to get me away from my father. Of course, as time went on, and I got older (and grew breasts and hips), things changed. Neither of us understood each other, and the bond that we had got broken by boys and best friends and concerts and nightclubs. Quite a few things took place that altered our relationship forever. One of which is evident by how I speak to him - I've been calling him by his first name since the ninth grade. There's various reasons for this - that I won't get into, but needless to say - we haven't been the best of friends in a long time. That being said - there has never been a time that I didn't know I could call my father for something.

{{Excuse my tangent - I heard some semi-auto sounding noises out the window. Had to close the blinds real quick. You would think I didn't live in a nice neighborhood. SMH @ rednecks...}}

It may not have been money - I could never bring you an event where my father has given me money. But I'd rather take him being present to a check in the mail every month and an empty chair on my birthdays. That's real talk. But if I needed a ride from somewhere, to somewhere - help with something school related, advice on a business venture, someone to play Nintendo with - he was there. Circumstances have changed more than once, but he has always been available. Even from 1500 miles away - he made it happen. He was even there when I needed a ride home from a fight. Fought my best friend of ten years in eleventh grade, and couldn't see myself walking home with a ripped shirt and crazy hair. I called him, and he was there within fifteen minutes - no questions asked. I got in the car and closed the door with silence, expecting the worst tell-off imaginable. He looked at me and said, "Well, I don't see any scratches - so I guess I know who won." And drove off. He took me to get some Golden Krust and we sat and talked. I swear, that was the first (and last) time I called him Daddy since ninth grade. It was just like that. It may not be the conventional idea, but he was still there.

Which brings me to my point, well more like my question. How can someone call themselves a man - and neglect to take care of their children? Regardless of how that child was created, regardless of the circumstances, situations, intoxication. If you know it's yours - there should be no excuse. Time is free - a baby doesn't know how much money you gave its mom last month. A toddler doesn't know if you bought Enfamil and sneakers. A six year-old has no clue that you're unemployed, or that you hate his mom. There's just no excuse. Even if you feel like you're not ready for a child - the child is already here - so now's the time to man up and accept this kid into your life. Could it be that bad? Hell, something may go wrong and you might even find yourself catching feelings for this child. What could that be - love? Wow. It's never too late to step into your child's life. I don't care how old they are. There are people who are currently searching the globe for their parents - you mean to tell me your son lives half- hour away - and you can't go see him? You can't even call? Your daugther lives in another country - but you don't have enough money to mail her a birthday card? Seriously? I can never bash anyone for the choices they make in life - but one thing I can do is show the truth. If you have lain with a woman and conceived a child - it should at least know your face, and smile when it sees you. It should see you - at least. There's no real definition to being a father - but if there were, being present would definitely be in the first sentence.

If your pops wasn't in your life growin up - imagine how different things would be if he was. Imagine how your kid's life will be if your not. The same cycle of pain and heartache - who wants that? You want to live your life knowing that somewhere on this earth, there is a kid who publicly hates you - but secretly misses you? To all those who have their fathers in their lives - appreciate them. I don't really bang wit my father like that - but I respect him for taking care of us, and raising us to who we've become. I actually hugged him today. I couldn't tell you the last time I did that. It was awkward, yes - but at least he knows where I stand. Tomorrow may be different, and he may not come home - at least he knows I love him.

Don't get it twisted - there are deadbeat moms too - they'll get the business on another post. Today dads - it's just for you.

Change has arrived - time to continue the positive cycle. Just some food for thought. Happy Father's Day.

{{Hiatus}}

So I've been slacking on the posts lately. Sleep has finally caught up with me. One thing I've figured out with this insomnia thing, is that I sleep much more when I'm stressed or sad. Right now, I'm a combination of the two - so I guess this is where the rest begins. My birthday is in two days - June 23rd is the day Rema squished me out of her womb, and I slid onto this table we call life - slippery and covered in blessings and prayers (also known as placenta)... I guess I'll reflect when the day comes - but I can't help but stop and wonder if this is what I expected my life to be when I was celebrating last year. I never really have too many expectations - but I always pray for happiness and prosperity. Well, we're not living out on the street just yet, so I suppose one of the two ain't bad.

My Butt Naked Pool Party (No Pool, No Water) Outfit last year...

{{Tangent: I'm watching Pokemon - catching up on my cartoons before LittleBigSis shows up next week. Makin me wanna go cop a deck off Craigs List and start battling...}}

I think last year I expected to be living on my own, with my fiance - planning a wedding or something. It's funny how life cuts the road off before you drive over it. I can't say I'm really disappointed with the outcome thus far, but I definitely have been caught off guard with all this. Kinda glad I didn't move out - cuz I'd be screaming poverty right now. It's hard enough for me to save up to get this freakin car I've been longing for - much less to pay rent and such on top of it. Being single is something new to me - I haven't had that title in almost eight years! This is a scary, yet exhilarating feeling for me. I'm not quite sure what to do with it just yet. I guess I'll just take this time to stretch out in my bed without hitting anyone, and finally tan that white line on my ring finger. At least I'm not alone - most of the girls I know are going through the same things.

I started car shopping this week - just to get a basic idea of how much money I need. I'll tell you - it was exiting and disappointing simultaneously. We all know I'm a Pay It In Cash kinda girl. I refuse to owe anyone for something I rely on. I am terribly afraid of being reposessed while I'm at work, or having people calling me for their money. I pay my cell phone bill in full (at the expense of my wallet sometimes), and I've been fighting to pay off my one and only credit card for the past few months now. I guess I'm afraid of having to rely on people. People have failed me many times, and I cannot afford to go through any of that again. I am very emotional when I feel stranded - anyone who knows me can testify. I feel my throat swelling up, the back of my eyes filling with water, that pang in my stomach. I can hold it back for a while - but I guarantee I'll be crying in at least five minutes from the event. I can't take the feeling of being abandoned. That's why this next car will be way newer, way better, way fancier - and costing me way more money. I'm not afraid to wait to get what I want. It's taking me forever, but it's going to be worth it. I will not have to call anyone and ask them to pick me up because my car overheated. I won't be spending all day at the mechanic so I can swap this and replace that. I can't do it anymore. Two cars later, I am tired of spending money on parts and labor. So, by the end of the summer - expect somethign shiny to zoom by you. No more sunburn.

One of my friends are exiting my orbit - and I'm a bit upset by it, but I know it's for the best. I definitely didn't expect that last year. Sometimes things can be looking up, and we end up tripping on something below. It sucks when we fall like that, but the only thing we can do is get up, dust off, and pay closer attention to the future steps. I know he'll create the galaxy he wants and deserves - so I can't fault him for his choice. As long as you know my sattelites will always be ready to receive and transmit your space messages - we're good to go. I'll miss you, just know that. You know who you are. Now that I've filled your minds with banter - I must vanish.

Off to the captivity that is work. Hoping and praying I'm not closing the store with negative energy, but I'll have to overpower it regardless. Talk to you later...

{{Self-Conscious Narcissism}}

{{Zune Says - Day 26 - Don't Fight the Feeling}}






So, last night CousinJin called me up to celebrate summer vacation with a night out to Weston for a party at club Fresh. My first thought was - A club in Weston?

But anywhoo, she of course brought her life {makeup} kit and dolled me up. Then we went outside to play with my camera.

Of course, LittleBrother wanted to snap some:

Jin makes me feel so tall sometimes, lol


Long story short, we ended up cruising Weston and skipping the club, which was fun nonetheless - and my face looked great. I didn't want to take the makeup off, so I ended up snapping a million pics of myself. I'm actually proud of them. I don't think I've ever wanted to stare at myself so much before. Thanks Jin, for turning me into a narcissist.

It's really hard to capture pictures of myself, because the camera can't see what I can. I struggled to find the right angle to show the makeup and my face. A lot of them came out really awkward - I'll leave those out, lol.
Ugh - watching Sealab 2021 - this is why everyone should be asleep at 1:45am. Too bad I'm not.
It's crazy - cuz I feel horrible that I sat in the mirror and took all these pics. At the same time, though - I can't stop staring at them. CousinJin did an awesome job.
My appologies for the boobage, but natural light looked just as good. I think the angles that I took the pictures at determined how the light came out.

Anyway, enough about me. My eyes hurt from staring at the screen, so I'm gonna attempt this thing called sleep. More pics tomorrow, including bowling night with my co-workers.

{{Energy}}

I tell you the most random things happen to me on a daily basis...

||Zune Says: Dondria (Phatfffat) Covers Keri Hilson - Energy||
There's just something about Dondria's voice that I love. I think her vibrato kills any cover she chooses. She is truly a blessing to the music industry.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

So, I went to work to give Michael his birthday gift, and ended up staying longer than expected. On my way out, though, a young woman stopped me as I was speed-walking past her (NY style). She said to me,

"Excuse me, I'm a psychic, and I feel a lot of energy coming off you. You have very powerful eyes, and a positive attitude. You try to be positive at all times, but there are jealous people around you that make it hard for you to maintain..."

At this point, you know I was already flabbergasted - but then she floored me with this:
"Would you like to sit down and talk? There are a few things in your love life that have you confused right now."

What?

Can you really see all that by looking into my eyes? Damn.

Here I am thinking I give off a whole 'nother vibe, well, at least I've been trying to, anyway. I guess eyes truly are windows to the soul. I've always been curious about the paranormal and stuff, but I've never really fed into psychics and horoscopes and all that. I've always felt that horoscopes were too vague or too general, although lately they have been pretty accurate with how my life has been going. I think we tend to apply horoscopes to our lives in whatever way we can. This lady, though - doesn't know me, has never spoken to me before - yet she chose me to speak to. Out of all the people shopping in the store, she chose me to read.

In my family, we have people who see spirits and such. Call it what you want, Obia, Santeria, Vudu - whatever - but it's a God given gift that some of us possess. I know I have a talent for reading people's personalities, but it takes at least a few hours for me to feel someone out. This happening left me shook - and that rarely happens to me. I told her I had to go, and bee lined it for my car. I had to take a deep breath and drive off, because I know I don't need an analysis of my life right now. That would probably break me down completely.

I have spent the last few hours thinking about what she said. And it's true. I try so hard to uplift everyone and stay happy myself, but there's always someone giving me the evil eye from behind my back. And I feel it, trust me, I do. I know exactly who each person is - whether they know it or not. Regardless of that, I try to steer away from them, but they seem to gravitate towards me - and if it's not one person, it's another. Hate has just been coming out the woodwork lately. I refuse to allow it to phase me, though - at least not publicly. Cuz as soon as I sat down at this table, I felt the tears stinging the backs of my eyes.

And my love life - hmph. I don't even know what that is right now. I'll spare you the details of that, but let's just say there seems to be an invisible chastity belt strapped to my hips right now - who knows who put it there or when it arrived. I'm definitely confused about a lot of things in that area right now, but I'm too afraid to approach it and figure out what's what. I remain in limbo, with two AA batteries and a pink butterfly. I'll leave that to be deciphered.

To be honest, I really have nothing uplifting to say to myself. I'm not really sure what I'm doing with my emotions right now. I've been hiding them under my pillow for the past few months - and I guess I'm ready to unwrap them now. I get up in the morning and pray next to my bed, but my prayers are mostly for the people in my life. All I ask for is health, strength, and people who love me. I guess it's time to start looking for more.

{{Truer Words...}}

Truer Words Were Never Spoken::

I got this email from my pops, and I thought it was really proliphic, had to share it with y'all...

Colin Powel definitely has to be one of the wisest men in America - the world maybe. I love this font, it accidentally kept typing this way - so - why not? lol

The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve.
Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity.
An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people.
As you grow, your associates will change.
Some of your friends will not want you to go on.
They will want you to stay where they are.
Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl.
Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream.
Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.

Consider this:
Never receive counsel from unproductive people.
Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how.
Not everyone has a right to speak into your life.
You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person.
Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere.
With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it.
Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life.
Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships.
If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.
"A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses."
The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate - for the good and the bad.

Note: Be not mistaken.
This is applicable to family as well as friends.
Yes...do love, appreciate and be thankful for your family, for they will always be your family no matter what.
Just know that they are human first and though they are family to you, they may be a friend to someone else and will fit somewhere in the criteria above.

"In Prosperity Our Friends Know Us.
In Adversity We Know Our Friends."

"Never make someone a priority when you are only an option for them."

"If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude.".......................Colin Powell

Ehem, some of my friends may want to read this twice. I love you guys. Of course, I want nothing but the best for you. I'm keeping these quotes for myself, you guys might want to take heed as well...

{{I Need A...}} - Just A Thought...

||Zune Says - Trey Songz - I Need A Girl||

So, I've been officially single for how long now? And it's a strange feeling, I must say. I don't have anyone to jones with on the phone at night, nobody to come over and keep me company when the fam's outta town. I have free time on my hands that never existed before, and I can't lie - I'm starting to enjoy the feeling.

I like laying in bed at night and being in bed alone. I like being able to get up and go driving without any questions. I like being able to wag off in peace, lol (just kidding). I like being able to just do whatever I want. Period. I haven't had this liberation in a long time. Well, ever.

It gets lonely some nights, I can't lie - but there's nothing much I can do about it. Things like this take time, and all I can do is live until something else happens.


{{Tangent - I'm watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and it's the Enter The Internet episode, where the apartment is full of internet spam. I typed in www.yzzardd.com - and it's a real site! I was too scared to stay on it, so I x'ed it out. If anyone decides to go on there -please let me know what happens. }}

Sometimes, I wonder what he does at night. I wonder if he's sleeping while I lay awake, watching the stars glow on my ceiling. I wonder if he knows that I wish he was with me at night. I realize it's a wizer decision for me to sleep alone - but that doesn't make it any easier.

Sometimes, a suh life go. Nothin I can do about it.

I guess I'll lay down now. No use trying to sleep, I've been restless for days now. I can foresee a late night drive coming on. Good thing I put gas in the car tonight.

Just a thought...

(( $n3@k3r P!mp$ 2OO9 ))

"Coolest Kid Out, Baby - Word To Chuck English" - Drake"

Last year, I vowed that I would do more than just work in 2009. I try my best to find the things I love and do them, especially if they're cheap. I missed the Dunk Xchange because I had to work, but the stars aligned somehow, and God allowed me to get the day off for Sneaker Pimps. I must say, it was everything I fantasized about.


The aura in the building was incredible. So many types of people, such diversity - "civilians" don't seem to understand that sneakerphiles come in many colors, shapes and sizes. The displays were colorful and lively, and they included all kinds of brands and styles - unlike many sneaker shows that mainly focus on Jordans and Nikes.


There was a strong emphasis on the "No Fake" theory that I have seen violated so much in Florida. DaBottom Clothing (dabottomclothing.com) had "Stop Rockin Fakes" t-shirts for sale, which displayed a distorted Jumpman logo and came in an array of Jordan colors. I saw a couple suspect colorways, but all in all, it was a respectable crowd of JordanHeads in the building.

I can't lie, sneakers arouse me in a way that I cannot explain. They excite me in a similar way to foreign cars, but with a less dangerous twist (still dangerous for my wallet, though). There's something about finding a unique design, or an interesting shape, or a colorway you've never seen before. It evokes some sort of emotion within true sneaker lovers, a feeling of accomplishment when you buy a pair of sneakers you've been stalking, tracking down, or waiting for. It's a love I need to keep under control, but it's a lot easier to maintain when you have other people who share the same interests around. I was honored to catch a girl from FSF (Female Sneaker Fiends) trying to sneak a pic of me, cuz I was trying to sneak a pic of them. Real always recognize real. ((blush))
The music was awesome. Cool Kids opened the show, and they're a pretty mellow duo - but the crowd was live, regardless. I wonder if they realize how many fans they have - plenty of the kids in the crowd (including my brother, Steve) were goin along with the lyrics - throwing their hands up at the punch lines. I couldn't see what they had on their feet, but Chuck English definitely had a Bulls t-shirt on, which leads me to believe there were J's on the feet.

The Clipse, though - were pure energy. They played all the hits, "Wamp Wamp," "Hot Damn" - I'm sure they saved "Grindin" for the end, but circumstances and situations (and the parking meter) forced us to leave beforehand.

Part Two soon come, got lots more pics to share - gotta go to work now!!