{{Hiatus}}

So I've been slacking on the posts lately. Sleep has finally caught up with me. One thing I've figured out with this insomnia thing, is that I sleep much more when I'm stressed or sad. Right now, I'm a combination of the two - so I guess this is where the rest begins. My birthday is in two days - June 23rd is the day Rema squished me out of her womb, and I slid onto this table we call life - slippery and covered in blessings and prayers (also known as placenta)... I guess I'll reflect when the day comes - but I can't help but stop and wonder if this is what I expected my life to be when I was celebrating last year. I never really have too many expectations - but I always pray for happiness and prosperity. Well, we're not living out on the street just yet, so I suppose one of the two ain't bad.

My Butt Naked Pool Party (No Pool, No Water) Outfit last year...

{{Tangent: I'm watching Pokemon - catching up on my cartoons before LittleBigSis shows up next week. Makin me wanna go cop a deck off Craigs List and start battling...}}

I think last year I expected to be living on my own, with my fiance - planning a wedding or something. It's funny how life cuts the road off before you drive over it. I can't say I'm really disappointed with the outcome thus far, but I definitely have been caught off guard with all this. Kinda glad I didn't move out - cuz I'd be screaming poverty right now. It's hard enough for me to save up to get this freakin car I've been longing for - much less to pay rent and such on top of it. Being single is something new to me - I haven't had that title in almost eight years! This is a scary, yet exhilarating feeling for me. I'm not quite sure what to do with it just yet. I guess I'll just take this time to stretch out in my bed without hitting anyone, and finally tan that white line on my ring finger. At least I'm not alone - most of the girls I know are going through the same things.

I started car shopping this week - just to get a basic idea of how much money I need. I'll tell you - it was exiting and disappointing simultaneously. We all know I'm a Pay It In Cash kinda girl. I refuse to owe anyone for something I rely on. I am terribly afraid of being reposessed while I'm at work, or having people calling me for their money. I pay my cell phone bill in full (at the expense of my wallet sometimes), and I've been fighting to pay off my one and only credit card for the past few months now. I guess I'm afraid of having to rely on people. People have failed me many times, and I cannot afford to go through any of that again. I am very emotional when I feel stranded - anyone who knows me can testify. I feel my throat swelling up, the back of my eyes filling with water, that pang in my stomach. I can hold it back for a while - but I guarantee I'll be crying in at least five minutes from the event. I can't take the feeling of being abandoned. That's why this next car will be way newer, way better, way fancier - and costing me way more money. I'm not afraid to wait to get what I want. It's taking me forever, but it's going to be worth it. I will not have to call anyone and ask them to pick me up because my car overheated. I won't be spending all day at the mechanic so I can swap this and replace that. I can't do it anymore. Two cars later, I am tired of spending money on parts and labor. So, by the end of the summer - expect somethign shiny to zoom by you. No more sunburn.

One of my friends are exiting my orbit - and I'm a bit upset by it, but I know it's for the best. I definitely didn't expect that last year. Sometimes things can be looking up, and we end up tripping on something below. It sucks when we fall like that, but the only thing we can do is get up, dust off, and pay closer attention to the future steps. I know he'll create the galaxy he wants and deserves - so I can't fault him for his choice. As long as you know my sattelites will always be ready to receive and transmit your space messages - we're good to go. I'll miss you, just know that. You know who you are. Now that I've filled your minds with banter - I must vanish.

Off to the captivity that is work. Hoping and praying I'm not closing the store with negative energy, but I'll have to overpower it regardless. Talk to you later...