{{Fatherhood: The Paradigm Vs. The Paradox...}}

And the beat goes onnn...

So - gimme your definition of a father, and I'll give you mine. A father is the one who holds your hair as you puke with a stomach virus (an even better father catches puke as you run to the toilet). A father helps you with your math homework - even if he's pretending to know the answers. A father may not be able to kiss you goodnight every night - but he makes sure you see each other for more than an hour a week. I could do this all day. When I was little, I was a daddy's girl. There's nothing you could do to get me away from my father. Of course, as time went on, and I got older (and grew breasts and hips), things changed. Neither of us understood each other, and the bond that we had got broken by boys and best friends and concerts and nightclubs. Quite a few things took place that altered our relationship forever. One of which is evident by how I speak to him - I've been calling him by his first name since the ninth grade. There's various reasons for this - that I won't get into, but needless to say - we haven't been the best of friends in a long time. That being said - there has never been a time that I didn't know I could call my father for something.

{{Excuse my tangent - I heard some semi-auto sounding noises out the window. Had to close the blinds real quick. You would think I didn't live in a nice neighborhood. SMH @ rednecks...}}

It may not have been money - I could never bring you an event where my father has given me money. But I'd rather take him being present to a check in the mail every month and an empty chair on my birthdays. That's real talk. But if I needed a ride from somewhere, to somewhere - help with something school related, advice on a business venture, someone to play Nintendo with - he was there. Circumstances have changed more than once, but he has always been available. Even from 1500 miles away - he made it happen. He was even there when I needed a ride home from a fight. Fought my best friend of ten years in eleventh grade, and couldn't see myself walking home with a ripped shirt and crazy hair. I called him, and he was there within fifteen minutes - no questions asked. I got in the car and closed the door with silence, expecting the worst tell-off imaginable. He looked at me and said, "Well, I don't see any scratches - so I guess I know who won." And drove off. He took me to get some Golden Krust and we sat and talked. I swear, that was the first (and last) time I called him Daddy since ninth grade. It was just like that. It may not be the conventional idea, but he was still there.

Which brings me to my point, well more like my question. How can someone call themselves a man - and neglect to take care of their children? Regardless of how that child was created, regardless of the circumstances, situations, intoxication. If you know it's yours - there should be no excuse. Time is free - a baby doesn't know how much money you gave its mom last month. A toddler doesn't know if you bought Enfamil and sneakers. A six year-old has no clue that you're unemployed, or that you hate his mom. There's just no excuse. Even if you feel like you're not ready for a child - the child is already here - so now's the time to man up and accept this kid into your life. Could it be that bad? Hell, something may go wrong and you might even find yourself catching feelings for this child. What could that be - love? Wow. It's never too late to step into your child's life. I don't care how old they are. There are people who are currently searching the globe for their parents - you mean to tell me your son lives half- hour away - and you can't go see him? You can't even call? Your daugther lives in another country - but you don't have enough money to mail her a birthday card? Seriously? I can never bash anyone for the choices they make in life - but one thing I can do is show the truth. If you have lain with a woman and conceived a child - it should at least know your face, and smile when it sees you. It should see you - at least. There's no real definition to being a father - but if there were, being present would definitely be in the first sentence.

If your pops wasn't in your life growin up - imagine how different things would be if he was. Imagine how your kid's life will be if your not. The same cycle of pain and heartache - who wants that? You want to live your life knowing that somewhere on this earth, there is a kid who publicly hates you - but secretly misses you? To all those who have their fathers in their lives - appreciate them. I don't really bang wit my father like that - but I respect him for taking care of us, and raising us to who we've become. I actually hugged him today. I couldn't tell you the last time I did that. It was awkward, yes - but at least he knows where I stand. Tomorrow may be different, and he may not come home - at least he knows I love him.

Don't get it twisted - there are deadbeat moms too - they'll get the business on another post. Today dads - it's just for you.

Change has arrived - time to continue the positive cycle. Just some food for thought. Happy Father's Day.