Living Fearlessly

As I progress through my 25th year on this earth, I'm quickly learning that sometimes you've gotta go balls out for the things you want in life. No matter what it is, if it's something you've set your sights on - jump up and go for it. Travel plans? Dating? That promotion you've always wanted? Every lesson in my life has taught me a new version of this same concept. 

Every day, I care a little less about the opinions of strangers and acquaintances - even my peers don't always give the best advice. It's God that leads us to the places we're destined to be, which means most of the time we should be listening to the voice within ourselves. I've been subconsciously afraid all my life of what other people think of me. How much I help people was 50% personal desire to assist and 50% whether they'd be mad if I didn't. I'd overextend myself so much that I'd burn out! BUT - because I was so concerned with the next person's feelings - I'd stuff mine in my pocket and grin and bare it. It cost me many dollars and quite a few sleepless nights. 

Never no more. 

Last year I decided to do the things I always wanted to do - and they brought so much happiness to my life. I'd say what I felt when I felt it; not shooting from the hip, but with a lot less caution and worry. Human beings are not always receptive to honesty, but sometimes it's the only policy that works. Feels a lot better to the spirit when you get things off your chest. People will respect you for it, too! 

This new journey in my life brings me somewhere that I'm apparently known for - but is still a taboo issue. I'm really passionate about it, though - so if I take other people's opinions and thoughts into consideration, I'm destined to fail. So I won't. I listen to the ideas and suggestions of my immediate loved ones, who have helped me so much in finding myself and what I want to do with my life. Even when I ignore their suggestions, they still respect it - because I'm going out for mine. So far, it hasn't failed me. 

Today, I challenge you. Take one thing you've always wanted to do, say, touch, eat. One. Do it. Today. Now if you can. Don't wait until tomorrow - because you won't. Tell that person you love them, grab that fruit at the oriental market (buy it) - then go eat it! Don't get yourself hurt though, lol - I can't be responsible for that. 

Live fearlessly. Live YOUR Life. 

For the First Time...

I thought about this, and I had a few answers. 

I'm venturing into a whole new job role - from being in retail since I got my work permit. It's exciting to think of being in a different setting, with different people, using different work methods. 

I started my own official website; many times I've started the idea but didn't get the chance to finish it. Finally my love child is born and growing! 

Despite this - I need to do something waaayyy more exciting; spice it up! What to do, what to do... 

Delete, Delete - DELETE!

Every once in a while, you have to excommunicate yourself from a person or two in life. This week I did something like that. I don't judge anyone, but it irritates me to see someone living a life on the internet (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) that doesn't reflect what's going on in their actual life. Or someone who tries to look like a great person on social networking sites, but is actually not in real life. It's easier for me to just make that person disapper. So I did. 

It makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm out here trying to live a better life and you're still scheming behind the scenes. Not a good look, buddy. 

I know you'll read this. I hope you get your life together and become a responsible man instead of the scammer that you really seem to be. 
Congrats, have a nice life! 

The Face Behind Le Vadge...

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I started a new website. It's not a blog at all - it's a full blown site for sexual health and education. People laughed at the idea of me starting the site, but clearly I found my niche; because we've already gotten over 1,900 views in the first two months! I am proud of my brainchild, and I can't wait to see what else can come of it. 

So, you may ask - what is the Vadge? Many, many years ago CousinJin, CousinJan and the rest of the Vadge crew decided to substitute the word Vagina with a much shorter version. It was easier to say around our parents as well as younger siblings - and we could get away with saying a lot of perverted stuff in public. When I was coming up with the name for my site - nothing else would do. 

What is the site about? It's an open forum for anyone (regardless of age, gender or sexual preference) to ask important, urgent - or even random questions about sex. All the things you've wanted to ask but were afraid to. "Straightforward answers to awkward questions" is the motto. So far, we've helped dozens of people get their answers, while including important facts from credible sources. Everything is cited, so you can research it for yourself - but I've done all the work for you. 

So many people (including my own gynecologist) asked me what made me decide to start the site. Growing up in Mount Vernon (NY), we always heard the statistics; second highest AIDS rate in Westchester County. That is startling! I've known kids whose parents had AIDS/HIV - I knew a young lady who passed away from being born with the disease. It was beyond her control to have it, but what about the kids who contract it from irresponsible sexual activity? What about the girls who are afraid to tell their moms about sexual activity, so they secretly carry symptoms of STD's with them indefinitely? They deserve to be educated on what they're doing, so they can pass that knowledge on to others. So kids can stop the reckless behavior and learn the importance of protection. I can't imagine being a doctor diagnosing a teenager with AIDS - imagine the devastation! 

It's not only awkward questions, we give fun facts as well as product reviews of sexual health and pleasure products. I'm working with Sir Richard's condoms, and I'm in the starting phases of doing reviews for California Exotic Novelties! Talk about the busiest unemployed woman you've ever met, lol

So stay tuned, and tell a friend about the site - if you try it, I promise you'll love it ;) 

http://vforvadge.com 

Curlbox September 2012 Box Opening Video - and What is Curlbox?

This time, I decided to talk a little bit about what CurlBox is exactly. I've had a lot of my friends ask about it, and it was about time I actually went into detail. If you've got natural hair, are transitioning to natural from chemical processes (perms, texturizers, keratin treatments) or considering going natural - this is definitely a service to look at. CousinJin and I have had the pleasure of meeting the Curlbox CEO Myleik Telee - and she's real passionate about giving us the red carpet treatment in product sampling. She hasn't disappointed yet, and this is my third box. I'll spend my last dollar to get one every month, because it's quality every time.  


Take a second and watch the video, let me know what you think. The concept of CurlBox is genius, and I'm convinced the products I've gotten so far have really help speed up the process of growing my hair back out after my Pixie cut . May not be for everybody, but it damn sure is for anybody. 

www.curlbox.com to get on the exclusive list, or go Like them on Facebook and see what other curly-haired ladies are talking about :) 







My September Box Opening Video - and What Is CurlBox? 

Miguel - Arch & Point ((Official Video))

I've been following Miguel since I fell in love with J. Cole's "All I Want Is You" track. His tone, his rifts were so different yet on point. After that day I was all over YouTube, downloading any single I could get my hands on. I must say, he has evolved so much since then; constantly perfecting his live voice, studio skills, instrument choices and composition. I am musically in love with him right now - and he's on a streak. I love when the indie underdog comes out on top, he's definitely one of them.

The Art Dealer Chic EP is on fire in my car right now, Vol 2 has this track called Arch & Point that has to be the sickest song I've heard in weeks. It's extremely suggestive, but not raunchy. Even the video is an abstract sexual encounter. 

The lyrics are under the video. 

Something for you to sway to... 

Miguel - "Arch & Point"...

Miguel-Arch & Point-Official video from Miguel on Vimeo.

Arch And Point

Yeah
Black leather skirt and a leopard print shirt, whoa
We can skip dinner, headed straight for desert whoa oho
But when it feels so good then it comes natural
Baby arch your back, and point your toes

Ballerina smart, but your sex like art woaoh
See rhythm is a talent it can not be a taught whoa oho ohh
When it feels so good then it just comes natural
Baby arch your back and point your toes
Oh, you see I don't suppose
Mhm, that every good girl know
No, oh oh what every bad girl knows
So baby arch your back and point your toes yeah

Fishnet body suit birthday cake, whoa
Fetish is a pleasure that cannot be faked whoa, oh
But when it feels this good then it just comes natural
Baby arch your back and point your toes

Oh, polaroid flash baby anything goes
Feel it all don't keep your eyes closed
Cause when it feel this good babe it just come natural
Baby arch your-
You know what to do
Yeah, yeah baby
You know I don't suppose
Oh that every good girl knows (Yeah)
Only every bad girl knows (Yeah)
Say arch go back and point your toes yeah
Mhm, mhm
Baby arch your back, and point your toes

Random Thoughts...

I look around his apartment, my stuff is everywhere. Like it should be. Come and go as I please, cook dinner at my place, sometimes at his. Movie nights at home and takeout, double dates with friends. Titles. I freaking love titles.

Who are we kidding, most of us like titles. It defines the relationship, solidifies all we've been doing to get to know each other for all these months. The dates, the slow progression - meeting parents and all that. This is the goal, and we're here. The thug in me already acknowledged this fact and allowed it; I can put my heart into this relationship without worry. Cuz let's face it, I've dated some undeserving guys. This though, feels right. Friends become the best lovers, partners - futures. One day at a time of course.

Instead of diving in headfirst, we dipped our ankles in then our feet. Baby steps. The wise way. No public eye, no envious lips - just us. Dare I say Bey and Jay 2.0? Lol - we shall see...

Frank Ocean - "Pyramids" feat. John Mayer - ((Official Video))

The infamous Mr. Ocean is back - and this video (produced by Nabil) didn't disappoint. The abstract concept leaves much to decipher - with special emphasis on the pyramidal diagram in neon lights at the end. This is definitely worth a triple take, and is added to the repertoire of quality work by Frank Ocean. Love him! Frank Ocean feat. John Mayer - "Pyramids"...

Girl Code - What NOT to Do After a Breakup...

I'm taking a much needed 15minute break from my studying and I figured I'd use it for good instead of evil. As us young people know, "Cuffing Season" starts this month, and there will be a lot of breakups and make ups going on within this time. For those who live under a social rock, "(hand)Cuffing Season" is the time after summer where people prepare for the winter cold by selecting a dating partner to keep them warm. This often means fall-winter hookups that end when spring and summer begin - but they often lead into actual relationships. 

Within this time, there will be a lot of breakups. Boyfriends may see other females that catch their eye, girlfriends may see guys with more to offer than just hard dick and bubble gum. Sometimes, we're just plain old tired of the person we're dating. It happens. What I tend to see during Cuffing Season are tons of bitter women (guys too) sulking and pouting, stomping around making senseless noise. Here are a few rules to live by:



1. DO NOT run to Facebook and air out your relationship. 
       This usually backfires. I am so tired of seeing people (tagged and untagged) being put out with the laundry; all their personal business on display for intentional public humiliation. Not only is this extremely spiteful, it's really lame. If you can't talk about it in private - please don't talk about it on the internet. 

2. On the Rebound? Be Tactful.  
      There's nothing wrong with changing your Facebook status to "Single,"nothing wrong with posting pics of you and the girls on Ladies' Night looking fab. Where the line gets blurred is the females who start posting slutty pics and raunchy status posts to gain attention. Are you really going to find someone that respects you by doing all that? You end up looking desperate, and attracting all kind of internet creeps who'll pretend to like you just to get your coo cat. Save the pics for private use. 

Now is not the time to live out your "ratchet," tasteless fantasies in the club. Don't start making out with strangers, dry humping on the dance floor or getting pissy wasted so your homegirls have to drag you home. 

Casual sex with every guy you've ever liked is NEVER a good idea. Think about your reputation and your health. Last thing you want is a HOE title at the end of your name. 

3. Subliminals. Stop it. 
      Sending jabs to your ex on the sly is just wrong (see Rule #1). Especially if the people in your social network know who he/she is. There's nothing wrong with a song dedication or two, but when you're writing lovelorn crybaby posts all day - people are going to take you off their news feed. 

4. Take Time to Utilize Your Friends
   This is the reason you never abandon your homeys for a significant other. If it doesn't work out, you've always got your friends to vent to. Take a few days to go out with them, have fun living the single life. It may be hard at first, but if you've got other single friends there's plenty out there to do. Hell, if all your friends are taken, they've gotta have some single friends! 

5. Get to Know Yourself!
     Here is prime time to get familiar with who you are. Relationships often take our personalities and mold them with the personality of whoever we're with at the time. Especially if your relationship lasted for a year or more - there are certain routines and behaviors you've adapted. Time to get rid of those things and get back to yourself. Remember what makes you laugh, cry and annoyed. Build your confidence back up before you jump back out into the dating world. You owe it to yourself and the new person you may meet along the way. 

Last but not least:
6. Leave the Baggage at the Airport
    The Golden Rule of Dating is to never bring your pain from an old relationship into your new one. This breeds resentment towards your new partner, which is unfair for him/her. During your time alone, you're more than welcome to weed out the minor details that you could have changed. 

Did you contribute enough to groceries? Did you get a little lazy? Were you a nag? Chronic complainer? Things like that can be helpful to a new relationship, but major issues like cheating, death, abuse, family dislikes can seriously hinder you from finding something great. Just because your mother didn't like your last boyfriend doesn't mean this one shouldn't be introduced to her. Maybe she just knew he was a jerk. And since your ex girlfriend cheated with your whole basketball team - that doesn't mean the new girlfriend will. For all you know, this young lady may have been waiting for a man who would respect her body as well as her mind. Never ASSume. 

Coming from a chick who's been in that single rut before - I can spot a bitter woman or a hurt man from a mile away. Not too many people are trying to adopt the wounded animal from the shelter. Nothing wrong with a dog who limps, though - that's a sign of strength and endurance. Take what you've learned from your past and build a better future, don't wallow in your wounds. 

Take my rules and run with them - I promise you'll have a very productive Cuff Season! God speed my lovelies! 

9.11.2001. One Day After.

Usually I have a September 11th post on the day of - but this year I decided to wait a day. Sentimental reasons.

New York will forever be my lifeline. As I spend months away from home, I get incredibly sad and hungry for the smoggy air, the honking taxi horns, the shadows of high-rises cast onto the streets. I haven't been home since June and it's driving me nuts. I long to hear the giggles of my siblings, my God Daughter asking to watch Alice in Wonderland for the 50th time, rocking my God Son to sleep as I look out their Bronx apartment window. What would happen if I was deprived of that? Why would someone want to take that from me? From us? 

My God Daughter, K 

As I get older, I hear the conspiracy theories and they make me sick. To think that a human being would plan to kill thousands of people for their own guilty pleasure. Regardless of whether I agree with what people do or believe - I could never take another life. It hurts to think of how close I've come to losing crucial members of my life on one fateful day. 

My 12 year-old sister lives in New York, and she told me yesterday that she's afraid to fly to Florida because of 9/11. She's finally old enough to view the event and grasp what actually happened. What do I tell her for reassurance? It'll never happen again? 

Most of my trips to NY these days are geared towards giving the kids authentic New York City experiences. Bronx Zoo, Central Park, Times Square, Coney Island. Should I be fearful of taking them on these adventures? As a New Yorker I was raised to be fearless - to do what I wanted when and if I wanted, but to be aware of my surroundings at all times. I won't start now, and I'm working to implement that same level of fearlessness in my siblings. Take care when you go out. 

Guard your purse. Look before you cross the street. The word Terrorist will never come up in those conversations.  I love my "kids" too much to have them living in fear. No matter what the future holds.

My Littles at Central Park Zoo

My city is beautiful. It's dirty, it's grungy, it's concrete. Somehow, in the middle of all that trees grow, flowers bloom - children play. Terrorists don't want to see that. They don't want to hear the music blaring from a local bodega, or the bustle of people shopping on Fordham road. Why should we give them what they want - when they took so much from us? 

New Yorkers are never scared. If we can live in our mean streets with our heads up - we can survive anything. 

9.11.01. Lest we forget...

 View my previous September 11th Posts Here. And Here. 

Leaps of Faith...

The past few months have been crazy for me; leaving my job, starting my first legitimate website, school, studying for my new job. I've been so excited and afraid of what's to come. Of course, the curiosity in me always beats out the fear; I was the kid crying during the scary movie while peeking through parted fingers. Sometimes we've just gotta do it, and I've been pretty glad with the results. Life gets more interesting by the day.

I'll tell you the one thing I can't complain about is my love life. That's something I haven't been able to say for quite some time. It's nice to find someone on the same wavelength, who wants the same goals, who isn't full of sneak tactics and ulterior motives. I smile every day, just thinking about what I've experienced in dating and men in general. Luckily I didn't become bitter and jaded from it all, I was able to open up my chest plate one more time and let a little love fly out. So far, he hasn't steered me wrong. The key element it seems is always going to be communication. If you don't say what you want from day one, there's always wiggle room for foolishness. Not this time - nope. 

I'm a bit nervous about this new job thing, but I am very optimistic. The pay's better, I get to dress up for work every day - and weekends off!! Lord knows I haven't had that in years - pretty much ever. It's going to be a big help with everything I've got planned. Not to mention I'm falling deeper and deeper back in love with music - definitely gonna need some studio time. 

My new website!! It's doing better than I ever imagined, and I've got all my readers to thank for it. Hopefully soon we'll start hosting relevant advertisements so we can reach more people, but I couldn't be happier about how it's growing. A little over a month, and I've got 1300 views - with comments to boot! So much is coming up in regards to the site, I don't even know where to begin. Keep your eyes out for the big-haired, big glasses, big bootied perv at a college campus near you - that's all I'm gonna say :) 

With the downs come the ups, and I swear they keep me balanced. All the trials I go through build my character, and I'm getting stronger and stronger each day. I'm just so blessed to have great support systems behind me - there's really nothing I can't do at this point. Only God knows what the next adventure will bring.

Stay tuned... 

Depression and Suicide. R.I.P. Chris Lighty.

Image Via ForRefugees.com

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was in NY, fighting to see Bar in the hospital when I got the phone call. 

"Your uncle C. died," my mom said.

 How? I asked. 

"He hung himself today." 

I broke down instantly. Deep down in my heart, I always feared that it would happen. He was ill, paranoid, schizophrenic for a few years. It grew progressively worse as time wore on - until one day it happened. My aunt found him in the basement in the worst way ever - hanging from a pipe. The visual alone made me lose the little bit of sleep I got for months. I couldn't even imagine how she felt, or my little cousin who lost his father. Half his immediate family was gone. 

My aunt tried everything she could for him. Calling the suicide hotline to come to their home in Queens - but if he didn't want help, they couldn't force him. The sickness had taken full control of his brain, he'd threaten to kill himself - he'd be enraged for hours. All we could do was pray. 

Suicide is a cloud that follows me every once in a while. I've been in that place before. I lost my virginity at 12 in such a traumatic way. I didn't know what to do with myself - I wanted that day to come where I wouldn't wake up. I contemplated ways to make it happen. God saved me. My family couldn't understand what was wrong; I didn't want to go out, didn't want to eat. Refused to wear the clothes my mom would buy me. Flannel shirts and oversized jeans were my wardrobe for months. I was so young and naive, I had no clue that there was help for how I felt. Even my "best friend" ridiculed me for my behavior. Luckily that feeling subsided. For many, it never does.

Photo Via AllHipHop.com

Chris Lighty's death sparked a huge debate on the severity of depression and suicide. He had recently divorced his wife, as well as the five million dollars in tax debt he was alleged to be in. I can imagine the overwhelming feelings that came over him - not to mention being diagnosed with depression. Many people don't feel that the disease is legitimate, and that's because they've never experienced it. Some of us have support systems and the strength to pull out of that world, but others are not as blessed. To hear people judge him for taking his life made me sick to my stomach. Suicide is not always a cowardly act, it is one of sickness. Instead of pointing a finger, why not reach out a hand to help pull them up? No one has the right to judge but GOD - and he takes care of the ill. Therefore if this man was right with his maker, he is in heaven where he belongs. I am repulsed by anyone who casts stones at others, when they live in foggy glass houses.

I just wish everyone realized that it gets better. I've been down hard roads before, and once I pushed through it - the victory was so worth it. There are groups and centers available that cater to those in need of friends or a helping hand. 

If you feel like you need help, or know someone at risk of suicide, please see the links below as well as the phone numbers...

National Suicide Numbers: http://suicidehotlines.com/

Considering Suicide? - Please call us | yourlifeyourvoice.org

www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/

We're here to listen. We're here to help.

1. Suicide Prevention | DBSAlliance.org

   www.dbsalliance.org/

   Learn Warning Signs, Treatment Facts & More. We're Here To Help!

2. Considering Suicide? | ContactWeCare.org

   www.contactwecare.org/

   When You Need Someone to Listen - Someone to Care, Give Us a Call
   
   
   It gets better...