Epiphany...

So, Bar's birthday will be over in fifteen minutes, and I must say - he got me through this entire day. I've been walking around with this cloud over my head for the past few weeks. I would explain why - but I just can't put it into words right now. I promised myself I'd be happy for Bar today - I'd brush off whatever issues were bugging me and smile. Everybody in the house keeps asking me what's wrong, because they know this is not my usual self.  


I had too many things on my plate. Too many burdens on my shoulders that were weighing down my spirit. But, I'm on vacation - and I need to let these demons and phantoms go, so that I can enjoy the rest of these days and get back to my regularly scheduled life. And I suddenly got the burst of courage to do that. 


I spoke to Him today about the issues I've been having with our relationship lately. Oddly enough, I got decent feedback. I felt like a piece of the weight was lifted from my chest. I tend to keep my feelings inside until I can't hold them anymore - and then I explode in a rush of emotions. It's not healthy for me, and for some odd reason today I figured that out. I swear Bar was whispering it in my ear the whole time. Oh, the irony! Needless to say - some things are going to change when it comes to him and I, but I think these changes are waaayyy better for my well being. It had to happen. It's always that smack back into reality that puts things into perspective. I've been spending too much time pining over this man. The fantasy feelings have begun to subside - and now I realize that I need to look out for myself. The nurturer in me tends to take over too much sometimes, and I end up neglecting myself. No more. Today was - empowering. 


I feel better now, somewhat. Hopefully when the other problems are solved-  things will be so much better. Only time will tell, though. So, watch the fun.