||I Am Not My Hair|| - Transitioning to True Beauty

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Kim. Who wasn't quite sure who she was....



Growing up, I think I had a lot of complexes. First off, starting with my teeth - cuz my two front teeth were shaped like hot pants. Mom used to call me "Shorts" cuz that's what they looked like. I was afraid to smile for a long time. I'd laugh, then quickly close my mouth. Nobody ever really bugged me about it - I was just super self-conscious.

Me & My "Shorts"


Second - was my hair. It was curly and shrinky. By the time I'd get home in the evenings, my hair was usually coiled up tight. I could never wear it out the way I wanted to. I didn't know too many girls who wore afros or anything, but I knew a few who wore their curls hanging down - and I couldn't do that, either. Mom wasn't big on styling products and stuff, so I mostly wore big twists and baubles to school.

Shrinky McDink...


Until third grade, when Mom got hooked up with this lovely hair braider, Ms. Jackie. Oh, how I loved going to get my hair done. I dunno how much it cost Mom - but I appreciated every second of it. I'd sit patiently in that chair for hours, while she double strand twisted my hair. When she was done - my head looked awesome! But of course, humidity would hit, and slowly but surely - my hair would shrink, and the twists would come out.

Then, one day - Mom talked to me about getting a perm. I was too excited. Pops objected of course. "I give her a head full of nice hair - and you want to perm it? No way!" I still remember all that. Of course, Mom told my Nanny to go ahead and perm my hair - and that evening I came home with my twists hanging past my shoulders. "Kim - why's your hair so straight? Rema! You permed her hair??" Ugh, he made a fit. He was mad for like a week - but I kept smiling behind his back, because I was so happy. My hair was so silky and smooth, I loved it.

Years went on with the whole perm business, and I realized that my hair started to thin a bit. It definitely wasn't as thick as it was in third grade. By junior high school, my hair was a little past the nape of my neck, and it was constantly breaking. At that time I was still a tomboy, and I wasn't too concerned with my hair. Come high school, though - I went on a hair overhaul.

In ninth grade, I went back to natural. I stopped perming my hair, and cut off all the old ends. I'd have my friend braid the front of my hair, and I rocked a faux puff til my hair was substantial enough to be rocked on its own. It was very hard to deal with, because it shrunk a lot, and I wasn't up on hair products (nor did I have the money) - so after a year and a half of growing it natural, I went and relaxed it again. This time, I promised I would take better care of it. My beautician aunt was seeing me at her house every two weeks for a wash and roller set. I supplemented my hair with a track or two of weave, just for body. By the middle of tenth grade, I didn't need the weave - and I was on my own. My length was back past my shoulders, and it was extremely shiny. I permed my hair all the way up to moving to Florida after graduation in 05.

Eleventh Grade...


The weather in Florida seemed to do well for my hair. The humidity added a level of body to it that I never experienced back in NY. I got bold and colored my hair, too. I loved the brown against my skintone, especially when I was out in the sun. Boy, was I always out in the sun.

Orange Hair...


At the end of 05, I colored my hair again - but this time wasn't so great. I liked the color and all, but something went horribly wrong. After a few weeks, the middle of my hair started breaking out and pretty soon it was damaged beyond repair.

During breakage period...


So - one night, as I sat in tears - crying over the hair that was falling out in my hands - I took a pair of scizzors and cut. And cut. And handed them to my Mom - and she cut the rest. By the time we were done, I had an inch of new growth left on my head.

And that, my friends, is when I decided to give natural another try.

In fact, three of my cousins decided to go natural as well. CousinShell and CousinJan got dreads, while CousinJin and I decided to keep the curls.

Shell and her locks before my Big Chop...


New growth before chop...


The Big Chop


It has been a long journey, I'll tell you. I have experimented with so many different things. I've grown my hair back and cut it on numerous occasions. I initially fell in love with Garnier's line of products when I was transitioning, primarily because the girls in the commercials looked similar to me. I found that with time, though - my hair seemed to get used to the products, and they no longer were effective. As my hair grew longer, I also discovered that it was not as thick as it used to be. So, the Garnier weighed it down more than gave it body. I played with Aussie products - which have done nothing for me - aside from the hair spray. I discovered that if I spritz a little on my pic when I'm doing my fro - it keeps it in the air for most of the day.

This Throwback Album chronicled my hair changes - over and over again


I've gotten comfortable with myself over the years - and I've realized - hair is just hair. If I wake up tomorrow and I have cancer - what can I do? I'm going to lose my hair inevitably, right? Since when did hair define how attractive I am, or how good I am as a person? It doesn't. I have cut my hair quite a few times since that first time, and I don't miss it a bit. It always grows back, and even if it didn't - there's plenty human hair at the beauty supply store.

Natural hair is now a definition of who I am. I've changed my lifestyle, my friends, my surroundings - and my choice in hair is a reflection of that. People don't always recognize me when I have my hair straight. I decided to give my afro a break and flat iron my hair for a while, and the response was a bit different. Either way - my confidence is what decides whether people like the look or not, and even if they don't - I'll live. It's a bit more work going natural, but it's worth all the effort. I've rid myself of the stereotype that straight hair equals better hair or healtiher hair. My hair's at the best it's ever been. It's shiny, it's soft - it's not always manageable, but I deal with it. Such is life.

What would we have done without perms, anyway?